Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I am the Walrus

The journey to getting healthy has it's ups and downs.  Anyone who has struggled with with their weight knows this.  This week has been a struggle for me emotionally.

My friends invited me to join them for a workout class they do early in the mornings.  I didn't have to be at work at any particular time so I figured I would give it a shot.  My husband, being the supportive man that he is, decided to come along as well.  Of course, that didn't keep him from giving me dirty looks all morning when we were getting ready since we had to get up at 4:30 to leave by 5.  Yes, that's A.M. people!  lol

The workout was called Chisel.  We did some aerobic stuff, push ups, sit-ups, work with a bar with weights, squats.  A little bit of everything it felt like.  The gal who ran the the class was awesome, the music was great and the class kicked my ass!!!!  You would think that I would just be used to this by now.  I have lamented on here before about how much it sucks to always be the slow fat one in the group.  Monday it seemed magnified by 1000.  There were all these people who were in the class just doing their thing.  Sure they were working hard and you could tell they were putting a good effort in but no one looked like they were about to die.  I'm pretty sure I did.  I felt like a fat, uncoordinated walrus in a room full of coordinated and in shape people.

Normally I would be able to laugh it off or just let it go but Monday was one of those days where it was hard.  We finished the work out and Joe and I were leaving the parking lot and I started to cry.  I'm just so tired of being the fat girl who can't do anything.  I'm tired of everything hurting and being a struggle and not getting anything out of it.  To put it mildly, my frustration with lack of results (as far as my weight) over the last six weeks reached its max.  My husband pulled back into the parking lot and let me have my cry (he has learned much about how to deal with me when I get to this place over 23 years of marriage).  He was encouraging and supportive and I'm so blessed to be married to him!!

To say that I was sore would be an understatement.  My legs were sore but not too bad.  The running, hiking and squats I had done previously probably helped there.  My arms were another story.  I've been doing the weights for my arms for a couple weeks but evidently that was not enough!  My arms were jello.  It was so bad that when I was driving to work my arm shook when I lifted it to turn on my blinker.  OUCH!  This really didn't improve my mood much.

When I got home after work I walked two miles on the treadmill just to help get the kinks out and keep moving.  I walked on the treadmill because it was raining pretty hard out and I just didn't feel like changing my clothes and dealing with the rain too.

Yesterday I was planning to swim after work but Joe was working and Goober #3 was tired after her swim practice and said that her throat hurt.  I decided to just bring her home and everyone would chill at home and relax a bit.  That was a good plan.  I was really tired and went to bed early.

I wonder if that is part of why I have been struggling with my emotions this week.  The tired aspect has been hard this week.  Every week I feel more tired and its getting harder and harder to slog through my work and then workout.

Today I really didn't want to run but I knew I had to.  If I didn't go today then I knew it was all downhill from there.  I would keep finding excuses to not workout and then I would be back in the cycle of feeling sorry for myself but not doing anything about it.  I'm stronger than that, dammit!  So I went for a four mile run tonight.  Just a down and back.  The time wasn't fantastic but I felt surprisingly good, especially the last two miles.  I was actually surprised that my times were as slow as they show because it felt like I was going faster.  But I am okay with that because it was nice to not feel like crap the entire time I was running.  That's got to be progress.  :-)

I started out the week feeling like a complete failure that was never going to see improvement.  There are a couple of things I really love about running.  One is the thinking time I get.  As a busy working wife and mother alone time is hard to come by.  I love my family but running gives me time to just be with my own thoughts.  The other thing I love is how I feel when I'm done.

Monday sucked but I will probably do it again because I'm determined to eventually NOT be the fat, uncoordinated walrus in the room.  I'm quite stubborn.

Today was better.  I felt successful because I'm DOING something about my situation.  Even if it hurts like hell sometimes and my body won't cooperate and start losing weight. 


  1. Lisa, I think I was in the row behind you during Chisel last week. I didn't notice that you felt uncoordinated. You did AMAZING!!! I remember the first time I did one of Amy's non-Zumba classes I was so sore I could hardly move the next day. Keep at it and know that those who see you don't see you as uncoordinated, but are impressed with your hard work and determination to accomplish your goal!

    1. Thank you! I wallowed a bit in my own boo hoo attitude but writing it out helped. I went Saturday to the STAR workout too and it was really hard too but I had a MUCH better attitude. It kicked my butt too but I was jazzed about it rather than defeated. I can't wait for the next one! Thank you for the encouragement! You have no idea how much messages like this keep me going!

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