I am the Walrus

The journey to getting healthy has it's ups and downs.  Anyone who has struggled with with their weight knows this.  This week has been a struggle for me emotionally.

My friends invited me to join them for a workout class they do early in the mornings.  I didn't have to be at work at any particular time so I figured I would give it a shot.  My husband, being the supportive man that he is, decided to come along as well.  Of course, that didn't keep him from giving me dirty looks all morning when we were getting ready since we had to get up at 4:30 to leave by 5.  Yes, that's A.M. people!  lol

The workout was called Chisel.  We did some aerobic stuff, push ups, sit-ups, work with a bar with weights, squats.  A little bit of everything it felt like.  The gal who ran the the class was awesome, the music was great and the class kicked my ass!!!!  You would think that I would just be used to this by now.  I have lamented on here before about how much it sucks to always be the slow fat one in the group.  Monday it seemed magnified by 1000.  There were all these people who were in the class just doing their thing.  Sure they were working hard and you could tell they were putting a good effort in but no one looked like they were about to die.  I'm pretty sure I did.  I felt like a fat, uncoordinated walrus in a room full of coordinated and in shape people.

Normally I would be able to laugh it off or just let it go but Monday was one of those days where it was hard.  We finished the work out and Joe and I were leaving the parking lot and I started to cry.  I'm just so tired of being the fat girl who can't do anything.  I'm tired of everything hurting and being a struggle and not getting anything out of it.  To put it mildly, my frustration with lack of results (as far as my weight) over the last six weeks reached its max.  My husband pulled back into the parking lot and let me have my cry (he has learned much about how to deal with me when I get to this place over 23 years of marriage).  He was encouraging and supportive and I'm so blessed to be married to him!!

To say that I was sore would be an understatement.  My legs were sore but not too bad.  The running, hiking and squats I had done previously probably helped there.  My arms were another story.  I've been doing the weights for my arms for a couple weeks but evidently that was not enough!  My arms were jello.  It was so bad that when I was driving to work my arm shook when I lifted it to turn on my blinker.  OUCH!  This really didn't improve my mood much.

When I got home after work I walked two miles on the treadmill just to help get the kinks out and keep moving.  I walked on the treadmill because it was raining pretty hard out and I just didn't feel like changing my clothes and dealing with the rain too.

Yesterday I was planning to swim after work but Joe was working and Goober #3 was tired after her swim practice and said that her throat hurt.  I decided to just bring her home and everyone would chill at home and relax a bit.  That was a good plan.  I was really tired and went to bed early.

I wonder if that is part of why I have been struggling with my emotions this week.  The tired aspect has been hard this week.  Every week I feel more tired and its getting harder and harder to slog through my work and then workout.

Today I really didn't want to run but I knew I had to.  If I didn't go today then I knew it was all downhill from there.  I would keep finding excuses to not workout and then I would be back in the cycle of feeling sorry for myself but not doing anything about it.  I'm stronger than that, dammit!  So I went for a four mile run tonight.  Just a down and back.  The time wasn't fantastic but I felt surprisingly good, especially the last two miles.  I was actually surprised that my times were as slow as they show because it felt like I was going faster.  But I am okay with that because it was nice to not feel like crap the entire time I was running.  That's got to be progress.  :-)

I started out the week feeling like a complete failure that was never going to see improvement.  There are a couple of things I really love about running.  One is the thinking time I get.  As a busy working wife and mother alone time is hard to come by.  I love my family but running gives me time to just be with my own thoughts.  The other thing I love is how I feel when I'm done.

Monday sucked but I will probably do it again because I'm determined to eventually NOT be the fat, uncoordinated walrus in the room.  I'm quite stubborn.

Today was better.  I felt successful because I'm DOING something about my situation.  Even if it hurts like hell sometimes and my body won't cooperate and start losing weight. 

What a view!

I'm trying not to bore everyone with all my exercising but I have discovered that I love writing about my adventures and it helps me stay motivated.  So you can ignore my blog or check out my latest adventure.  :-)

Today we did a shorter hike up Bald Hill with friends.  I have been teasing my friend Wendie that I keep being told it will be worth getting to the top because of the awesome view.  Every time we have gone it has been rainy and foggy and I get a great view of the inside of a cloud.  Today I got the view!

It was cold again but we managed to miss the rain.  When we started up the hill I was having a hard time breathing but I had brought my new inhaler along.  Wow, that really made a difference.  I still was working hard to climb up the hill but now I didn't feel like I had an anvil resting on my chest.  

It was so beautiful at the top.  I love living in the Northwest.  Even when it is cold and raining it is amazingly beautiful.  I am looking forward to seeing how the landscape changes with the seasons as I continue to go on these hikes.  

I feel like I'm getting in better shape but that my weight is still holding me back from really feeling successful.  It takes work to lug this much weight up hill.  It would be easier if there was less of my to lug.  Again, the frustration of knowing that I'm doing all that I can to be healthy and my body is not cooperating!  Aaaarrrrggggg.  

Tomorrow I'm going to a "Chisel" class before work.  I think I may regret it, not in the accomplishment feeling, but in the "I'm so sore feeling."  We shall see.  :-)  I have to run tomorrow too.  I think I will do that after work.  Will be a long day!  

I don't wanna...

I've really been struggling with being tired this week.  It's very hard to be motivated to work out when all you want to do is snuggle up on the couch and take a nap.  Yesterday was a grading day so I didn't have to be in to work until I got there.  I decided to get up and run in the morning and did a 5K around the neighborhood.  I ran the first two miles at a pretty good pace and then walked the last mile.

Today I woke up and stayed in bed for about an hour reading.  When I did get up I snuggled up on the couch and kept reading.  I knew I should be getting ready to run and I just didn't want to.  This was the first time all month that I really had a bad time getting motivated.  I was just so tired and staying home and hanging out on the couch sounded so much nicer!  Being tired all the time is just the pits!  Some days I'm not sure which is more frustrating, no movement on the scale or being so stinking tired all the time.

I finally put on my running clothes and still fiddle farted around before I finally started off.  The first mile wasn't too bad, I was running through neighborhoods.  The second mile was out in the country and right into the wind.  Brrrrrr!  But then when I got to mile three I turned around and now the wind was at my back.  Much better.  :-)  I walked a half a mile on mile four, finished it running and then walked a quarter mile and then ran the last quarter mile.  I had my overall best average pace since I have been back to running.  I'm pretty happy about that, especially since I walked a couple of times.  As always, I was glad I went.  :-)

I tend to push myself too hard sometimes.  Always trying to improve and go faster and that isn't always best for my body so I am working hard at pushing myself but not killing myself.

Here's the info about today's excursion:

Even with the walking I kept a pretty steady pace so that's an improvement too.

Also, today I signed up for the Shamrock run in Portland in March.  We are doing the 15K.  I know I can do that but after I signed up I looked at the course map and yikes!  We run up the hill to OHSU and back down.  That ain't no little wussy hill!  Guess it's a good thing I've been going on all these hikes!

Here's a link to the race:

http://www.shamrockrunportland.com

Hiking tomorrow up Bald Hill.  I finally got my inhaler so it will be good to have it along and see if it helps when I'm huffing and puffing up the hill.

Found this picture on Pinterest and I love it!!  That voice is getting quieter but it's still there.

Adventures on the Treadmill

I don't officially begin my "training" for the half marathons for a couple of weeks but I'm staying active because I don't want to lose momentum.  Wednesdays are kind of crazy at our house.  It always feels like everyone is going in seven different directions at once.  When Joe is working it is even more crazy.

Yesterday I decided that I would do a 30 minute treadmill workout and then do some burpees and squats.  Thirty minutes on a treadmill?  No big deal, right?  Wrong! lol  I had found a 30 minute treadmill workout on Pinterest awhile back and was going to do that but I hadn't printed it out.  I didn't have time to fuss with that because I had to go pick up my youngest goober from her swim practice.  No big deal I thought.  I'll just do one of the programs on the treadmill.  I scroll through the different programs trying to find one that looks doable.  I don't want to kill myself after all.  I find one that has three peaks and valleys.  Perfect.  I can work on some incline work.  You have to understand something at this point.  I have never used one of the programs on my treadmill.  I failed to notice that as I scrolled through it displayed the top incline and speed that each program would inflict upon the unwary runner/victim.

Everything was fine....to begin with.  The first level was an incline of 5 with a speed of 3.5.  I could feel the incline but it wasn't too bad.  Each level lasted 90 seconds.  The next level was an incline of 7 and a speed of 4.0.  Still very doable.  I was thinking "I've got this!"  Not so much!  The next level was an incline of 15 and a speed of 7.0!  I lasted about 10 seconds and thought "OMG!!!  I thinking I'm F*&^**!! going to die!!!  I was glad no one was home, although the thought did cross my mind that if I had a coronary there would be no one around to call 911.  I could not hit the stop button fast enough.  I ended up standing with my feet on both sides of the treadmill while I waited for it to stop.  I decided that program was not something I was quite ready for (gross understatement) and tried to change the program.  It wouldn't let me so I finally pulled the safety program so the stupid thing would let me start over.  I then proceeded to so my own version of an incline workout where I could actually breathe and not die of a heart attack.  I was much more successful with my version of the workout.  :-)

I will be looking at the owners manual about how the programs work and if there is a way to adjust the top speed and incline to something challenging but not life threatening.

I followed up my adventure on the treadmill with a set of squats and burpees.  I think I will have a love/hate relationship with burpees.  They are hard!

Here is my workout for today (a set is 10):
40 minute swim
3 sets of tricep extensions with 10 lb weight. (standing)
3 sets of tricep extension with 10 lb weight. (bent)
3 sets of bicep curls with 10 lb weight
3 sets of squats
5 burpees.

I was going to try and do three sets of burpees but I was complete jello by this point and it just didn't happen.  I will try and get more done next time.

The adventures continue!  I decided today that I'm going to have to see if I can schedule a massage for the day I go to the doctor.  I will have SO earned it by then!

Looks like Joe and I might be doing the 15K at the Shamrock run in March.  Another motivation for me to keep moving!

Source: fitsugar.com via Robin on Pinterest

Tired!

Today was a long one!  Worked all day and it was one of my days where I'm exhausted at the end of the day.  So tired that my eyes hurt.  No rest for the weary though.  Went straight to my daughters high school to watch her swim meet.  Helped time at the swim meet which is always fun.  I love being in the middle of the kids and all the goings on during the meet.  I cheer on everyone!

When the meet was over I swam laps.  It gets a little easier every time.  I have paid enough attention to my kids practices to have some ideas about ways to get better.  I was only going to swim 30 minutes and then go home and do weights and such in my garage but I knew how tired I was.  I didn't want to swim.  I really didn't want to finish my swim, get dressed, go home, change my clothes and do more.  So I just stayed in the pool longer.  Holy moly! I don't know how the high school kiddos do 2 hour practice every day!  Right now I can barely lift my arms.

My youngest goober's club coach saw me and since I am now a "regular" swimmer she got me some fins and gave me a 15 minute mini lesson.  Super cool and just a few suggestions helped so much.  I have a lot to learn in getting my breathing all coordinated but I'm already feeling better in just a few weeks.

I lost just over 10 pounds the first week of my adventure.  I think I had a lot of water weight and bloating.  Since then I have had no change.  No loss but also no gain so that is something.  It's hard to focus on the health goal and not get fixated on the scale.

My friend had this awesome picture on her facebook page today.  It's a good reminder that I'm doing all this for my health.  Bottom line!  No excuses!

I'm liking the cross training more than I had anticipated.  It's nice to change things up and keep things from getting boring.  I have a couple of weeks before I officially begin my training plan for the Half Marathons but I'm going to keep my momentum going.  

One month before my next doctor's appointment.  It will be interesting to see what he says and what the next step will be.  I'm optimistic that we must be narrowing in on why I'm not losing weight but it has been a long and frustrating year.  Praying for answers and praying for patience.  

Thanks for the support!  

Race Day!!

I ran in the Cascade 10K this morning.  It was a balmy 26 degrees when the race started.  I was nervous about this race.  I have only been training for it for 4 weeks and while I have been working hard it still didn't seem like long enough.

My friend Faylene picked me up.  She is in the process of running a half dozen half marathons in honor of her half century birthday next November.  This was race #1 of the year.  We were laughing about how cold it was and that we must be slightly crazy to be doing this.

When we got to Cascade and grabbed our gear I ran into several people I knew from when we lived in the Turner area.  Always great to see old friends!  Got to hang out with my sister-in-law and her hubby and two older kiddos as well.  Which is good because they are so fast that I never see them after the race, they are long gone.  :-)

Faylene took off at 9:00 and then the 10K started 15 minutes later.  Took about the first mile to work the kinks out.  Was having some stiffness in my left hip going down my leg.  Then I felt pretty good.  I was in a good place and moving right along.  My Nike+gps kept telling me I was going faster than I really was but I knew I was still keeping a pretty steady pace so I wasn't worried about it.  Nothing like the cold to keep you motivated to keep moving.  Moving keeps you warm, stopping does not!  lol

Here's the info from today's race:

The Nike+gps had me going way farther than I actually did so my average time on the first picture is accurate.  However, when you calibrate a run it doesn't adjust the splits for your miles.  I figure my splits are probably about 30 or 40 seconds off.  BUT they still show that I had a steady pace AND that my 4th mile rocked.  Which is cool since it was my 4th mile!  

Here I am with my finisher medal.  I love those!  It means I finished! hehe

A really cool thing happened while I was waiting for Faylene.   I was about 50 yards in front of the finish line and watching people finish (both 10K and Half Marathon) and enjoying the people cheering on their friends when I noticed a boy walking and he was crying.  I don't know if he was finishing the 10K or the Half but either way, poor little guy!  He looked like he was about 11 or 12 and his mom was with him.  I could see her pointing to the finish line and telling him that he was almost done.  He was walking so slow, crying and shaking his head.  He looked totally beat.  Boy could I relate to that.  50 yards might as well be 50 miles sometimes.  So I started clapping and cheering.  "You got this!  You are awesome!!  You are almost there!!  You are ahead of all the wimps that are inside watching football!  You rock!!!" and I kept clapping.  Finally he rubbed both of his eyes, took a deep breath and he jogged the final stretch into the finish line!  I was woot wooting all the way.  It was awesome! I didn't know the kid, didn't talk to him after but that was the highlight of my race!  I felt like I was paying it forward for all the people in my life that cheer me on when I am just sure I can't take one more step.  

If you are one of those people who cheers m on, thank you!  It means SO much.  I couldn't do it without you!

My fabulous friend finished her Half not long after that.  She is amazing!  

So my first race of 2013 was not my fastest 10K I've ever done (my fastest was this same race two years ago) but I think I am the most proud of this one.  I know I put in my best effort.  Scale isn't changing but you know what?  I am changing inside and I am beginning to realize that that might be more important than what size pants I'm wearing.  

Next race is the Corvallis Half Marathon.  Here we go!!! 

Keep running!!

Aches and Pains

It's been a busy week!  Still tired, still slogging through my runs and workouts but at least I'm still slogging.

This week is the tapering week before my 10K race on Sunday.  This means you go on shorter runs to keep loose but don't over do so you can kick ass on race day.  (At least that's what I'm told.  Not sure I will be doing too much ass kicking.  More like trying not to die before the end. lol)

Monday was a 2 mile run and I decided to run on the track while my daughter was at her swim practice.  I was about 3 laps in and I got the WORST cramp in my right calf.  It hurt so bad!  I hobbled through one more lap and was ready to quit.  I decided to try walking and to take long strides to stretch out the calf to see if that would help.  It did help so I walked two laps and then did a really slow jog for the final two laps.  I got my two miles in but it wasn't pretty.  I'm really glad I have a job where I'm standing and moving around a lot.  My calf was still really right yesterday so it was good that I was not just sitting all day.

Last night I did 45 minutes of cross training.  Weights for my arms, crunches and then I added squats. I tried to do some burpees (my hubby showed me how) but it didn't feel very good on my calf so I only did two.  The squats where hard but a good kind of hard so that was good.  All this is going to have a benefit at some point.  At least that's what I keep being told.  :-)

Tonight was a 2.5 mile run.  I was a little worried about my calf because it was still tight but it was ok.  I could feel that it was tight but it didn't cramp up the way it had on Monday.  I had used our roller on my legs this morning and I think that really helped.  If you don't have a roller you need to get one!  It really does help.  This is what ours looks like:

The come in all different lengths and are to help loosen up your muscles and release the toxins that build up while you are exercising.

My first mile was one of my faster miles.  Then I slowed down.  No negative splits today.  Everything just kind of ached.  I could tell I had done squats and my muscles were sore in new places.  I ran two miles and then walked the last half mile.  I was starting to get really tight in my calves and hips and didn't want to cramp up like I did Monday so I just walked and stretched everything out.

I'm looking forward to the day when every single workout I do doesn't involve pain.  I know that that is my body changing and getting stronger but I would really like to go out and just feel like I'm rocking it. Some day!  Won't happen if I don't keep at it so I'm choosing to keep at it.

Tomorrow is 60 minutes of cross training.  My plan is to swim for 30 minutes and do weights, crunches and squats the other 30 minutes.

I like having a training plan because then I'm not working out according to how I feel.  I am sure I wouldn't have gone as far some days with my run if my plan and hadn't said to.  I know I wouldn't have added the cross training if the training plan hadn't said to.  The training plans are all over the Internet.  I've have also found some that look good on Pinterest.  The are also designed for all levels of experience, from beginner to really experienced.

One more month before my next doctors appointment.  Not really seeing changes yet and still tired so we shall see what the next month brings and where the next steps take me.

Thanks to all the people who have told me I'm inspiring.  I don't feel very inspiring most of the time but I'm glad my sharing is not just helping me.  :-)

I'll let you know how the 10K goes on Sunday!