Progress Not Perfection

I'm staying with my parents right now because my mom had surgery on her foot and has to be non-weight bearing for 4-6 weeks.  

I had no idea just how limited you are when you can't put any weight on one foot.  Which means no weight on one leg.  Getting up out of a chair, sitting down on a chair, using the bathroom are all things that become a challenge.  

Little things like doing laundry, cooking, wiping the dogs wet feet off before she comes in the house.  These all become more daunting tasks.  

So here I am to make sure my mom keeps her foot elevated, has ice and does the hard work of healing while I do all the things to make that as stress free as possible.  Which includes taking care of my step-dad.  And he's not a fan of being taken care of but he's coming around.  😊  

As I was preparing to take the time off of work so that I could be here for them I was thinking about my running, or lack of running. 

I've been thinking a lot of how I started running.  

I started out slow, because I was just starting. 

I started out with short distances.  

I started out with music.  

I decided a few months ago I needed to start all the way over.  

Instead of being mad about starting over, I need to just start.  I did it once.  I can do it again!

Since I was going to be off work and hanging out with my parents, it seemed like I probably could carve out 45-60 minutes to get out of the house for a walk or run.  

It isn't happening every day but I am getting out there.  

My parents live near the top of a hill and the roads around their neighborhood and defintely up and down.  I decided I would run the downhills and as much as the uphills as I could and then walk the rest of the way up.  With the goal that each time I went I would run a little bit farther up the hill then I did the time before.  

So I put on my running clothes and shoes and took off for my first effort.  The hills are stout and I didn't go far but I enjoyed it.

It felt good to be out there and doing something just because I wanted to.

It felt good to be in the fresh air and see the beautiful views.  

It felt good to be listening to music with a good beat that helped me keep going.  

I saw two eagle flying near the hillside.  Eagles are special to me and whenever I get to see one it is a highlight of my day!

Slow and a lot of walking.  Not even 2 miles.  But I went and enjoyed it!

Avoided the rain and it was actually warm!

A few days later Joe came up and we took a walk together.  This walk wasn't to reach any goals but just to be outside and spend some time together.  

Then I went to my school's Unified Basketball game.  Unified Basketball is for our special education students.  They play several other schools in the local area, usually 3 or 4 games.  They have student helpers who are out on the court helping point the athletes in the right direction and guide them on shooting or passing the ball.  It is my absolute favorite event at our school bar none!  The student section is always full.  Everyone in the stands cheers for ALL the kids playing.  The kids playing have huge smiles on their faces and are haivng the time of their lives.  We had 10 seniors this year and every single on of them got a letterman's jacket.  They were so excited they didn't want to talk the jackets off to play.  

I'm watching these kids play with whatever ability they have and how they loved every minute of it.  They needed helpers and didn't care if it meant they could play.  One played using his walker and he had figured out how to run with it and he moved!  One young man had a lift belt around his waist with hand straps on it.  He walked back and forth across that court with his wonderful teacher assisting him.  

It made me think of all the times I haven't wanted to ask for help with anything.  I like being the helper and not being the one being helped.  

Here are these kids who have to be helped in most aspects of their lives.  

They aren't angry about it. 

Or grumpy they can't do more. 

They are excited to be there.  

They are excited to participate.

They are excited to be involved.  

I always love how after these games the students who went to watch suddenly know the players names.  Call out and greet them as they cross campus.  It is a huge part of what makes our school culture feel like family!

How can I be grumpy about being slow and out of shape when I can do it without any help?  Time to get over myself!! 

Later in the week my friend Wendie came to walk with me.  Again, didn't worry about the running part but we walked and talked our way through a 5k and over an hour together.  

Both of these walks were such a great reminder of how beneficial it is to just go outside and walk.  Even if it isn't for long or for very far.  

Yesterday was gorgous!  The sun was shining, the sky was blue and it was very warm for a day at the start of February!  

I was excited to go for my run/walk!

I was excited that I was excited to go for my run/walk!

I took off and had the plan that I was going to try and run up the hills just a bit farther than the first time.  I had made a mental not of how far I had gotten last time.  Mostly it was one side or another of someone's driveway.  If it was the closest side of the driveway I tried to get to the opposite side of the driveway.  If I had made it to the far side of the driveway, I looked for a mailbox or crack in the road to get to.  That way on my next run I have that as my get past point.  

It was hard but a fun kind of hard so I enjoyed myself thoroughly.  I stopped a time or two to get pictures (and, not gonna lie, to catch my breath.)  

I went a little farther this time by going to the end of the street my parents are on to the stop sign and then coming back to their driveway.

This got me just over 2 miles.  

That doesn't sound like a lot but it was 2 miles of totally enjoying the process of pushing myself, being outside and doing hard things. 

I did this run with a little more running up the hills, a little bit farther and a little bit faster.  

I am enjoying making progress instead of being mad that I'm not where I used to be.  I'm never going to be perfect so it's silly to try.  

But I definitely can be making progress! 

Progress not perfection.  Might need to put that on sticky notes all over my house.  lol 

I'm working on what my new goals are going to be.  

First goal is walking the Newport Shamrock 5k with my work bestie and her son.  I am totally excited about it!

Starting Slow but Starting

Well it's been a hot minute since I last posted.  September of 2021 to be exact.  I've been tired, stressed and cranky.  I hate being all of those things!

Here's a short list of the things that have been on my plate this school year:

• Teacher in the hardest year ever.  Which is saying something because teaching online wasn't a picinic!
• Youngest daughter moving to Florida for a new job.  Now all three of my kids live in far away states.  Makes for a sad momma!
• Teaching this year.
• One parental unit that lived with us for a month because their dementia had gotten significantly worse while we looked for a care facility.
• Teaching this year.
• One beautiful niece who went to heaven.  Makes me tear up just typing that.  
• Teaching this year.
• Other parental units with various health issues.  
• Have I mentioned teaching this year?  

I have pretty much stayed off of social media for the last six months.  The negativity in general and the teacher bashing was more than I could emotionally handle.  

Emotionally handling things with food was definitly a thing the last two years.  

And now I'm starting over.

Again.

But I'm working really hard at being proud of myself for taking the steps to start over again.  

I have regained all the weight I lost.  And I mean all of it.  That's hard to deal with.  

I have been really angry with myself for getting right back to this spot once again.  I've had a terrible time trying to get back to the mentality of being a mover and a shaker. 

It hasn't been easy!

I look in the mirror and see a fat lady.  Not going to sugar coat it, I see an ugly fat lady.  It's really hard to feel that way when I look in the mirror.  

I've been going to a counselor since last November and it has helped a lot.  Right now we are working on body image issues and using food for comfort.  Not easy conversations to have but it's good to have them.  I promised my counselor and my doctor that the Monday after school got out I would start making changes.  

That was the day before yesterday.  

Monday my friends Josh and Wendie came over and we walked around the neighborhood.  Only 2.1 miles but the goal was to just get out and move.  Mission accomplished!

First time with new Brooks on the first day back at it! 

Gotta love seeing purple flowers!

I had decided that instead of being pissed about not being where I used to be with my fitness, I would truly approach it as starting over.  So my goal to start with is moving at least 30 minutes every day this week.  

Tuesday I got up early and did the exact same route as the day before but I ran the 1/2 mile trail around the local park.  Actually it was more like a slow, painful trot but I was moving faster than a walk so it counts.  I almost gave up a couple of times but managed to get the whole 1/2 mile done.  So that was the win for the day. 

Wednesday (today) I went to Corvallis to meet Wendie at the pool there and have the first swim since December.  The swim before that was in June, so I have done three swims in a year.  lol  

We had planned to use the outside lap swim pool but unfortunately the swim team was using it and no lanes would be open until 8:00 am.  I am teaching summer school for a couple of weeks so that wouldn't give me enought time to swim and clean up and get back to town.  So we went inside and use the indoor pool  Little bit of a bummer but it was fine.  Again, the win was that we went.  

The pool was a 25 meter pool and boy did that feel long!  I only went 400 meters but I am defintely feeling it in my arms tonight.  

But I have worked out every day this week for at least 30 minutes.  

It's only three days but hey, it's three days better than I did last week.  

I really want to get back to being the person who working out was just a part of my normal routine.  So I'm planning to work really hard in developing those habits again during the summer so that it's easier to keep them when school starts next fall.  Hopefully, next school year will be a LOT less stressful.  That would certainly help!

Here are the crazy things I have signed up to do in order to try and motivate myself to keep moving:

We are doing a one day relay near Hood River next month.  Four of us in the van and three legs each.  I know it won't be nessicarily pretty but if I am consistent for the next four weeks it will be better than if I did it tomorrow!  

I also signed up for a 24 hour race.  This is where you have 24 hours to see how far you get doing loops.  I think the loop is 2.4 miles for this one.  I have done a 5k, a 10k and a half marathon in the past.  I have never done a marathon.  Partly because I worry about the time limit that most marathons have.  With this format I basically have the full 24 hours to get a marathon done.  Many people have far loftier goals like 100 miles.  lol  The nice part is that I can rest if I need to without the pressure of the time limit.  My thinking is that I will try to get most of it done during daylight hours so that the last bit will be "easier".  I have some work to do to get ready though.  

We will also be signing up for the Silver Falls trail weekend.  I will probably do the 7 miler again.  Last year wasn't pretty.  No training and then walking with a major migraine.  I was SLOW!! The goal this year is to go significantly faster than last year.  

Here's a funny thing.  In my head, SLOW meant that I did something like 3:30 last year.  I went to look it up and I got 2:44.  

That shows how badly my mind makes it seem like I did way worse than I actually did.  

So before this realization I was planning on shooting for less than three hours.  Obviously I did that last year.  So now I'm shooting for less than 2:20.  It's the weekend after the 24 hour race so we shall see how I do.

I haven't signed up for anything at the Best in the West weekend yet.  I am kind of waiting to see how things go for the next couple of months.  I will probably either sign up for the 5k and try to slap down last year's time.  Or I will sign up for a sprint triathlon to remind myself that I have been a triathlete and I can be again.  

I took before pictures on Monday.  I won't put them here yet, not quite ready for that! Another goal I have is to have a new set of pictures to compare (positively) when I go back to work in the fall.  When I weighed on Monday I was 270.2.  Hopefully that will be a lot less by the end of the summer.  

I'm Trying...

Today I packed away Christmas.  

If you know me at all, you know this is really early.  Usually I wait until the last weekend of my winter break before I finally start putting Christmas away.  

But this year, as it has been with so many things, was weird. 

We got to have a super quick visit from our son that lives in Arizona the weekend of December 12th.  Our youngest was also going to be home from college that weekend.  My husband, smart man that he is, suggested we have our Christmas on the 12th since we would have two out of three kids home.  He came up with this idea about a month before the 12th, which meant I had to kick my Christmas shopping into high gear.  (Thank you Amazon!)  I also had to get everything ready for our oldest daughter who lives in Massachusetts so that she could have her presents arrive before the 12th so she could be part of our early Christmas.  

We had a fabulous time.  Bri joined us on a video call and it was almost like having her here with us.  Except it was missing the all important hug aspect.  

I think I'm ready!

Santa got my message and filled stockings early!

Matching PJ's for the cute couple!

Bri loved her present from her daddy.  💜

We had originally planned to try and go see Bri during my winter break.  But due to COVID restrictions that got increasingly strict we weren't able to go see her and she wasn't able to come see us.  I'm actually surprised we were able to get Taylor and Lauren here for a visit.  

With parents that have health issues and my husband's job as a first responder we felt it was better to play it safe and not visit our parents over Christmas.  This made for a very different holiday for us.  Usually we are spending time with the three different families and seeing all parental units and as many siblings and nieces and nephews as possible.  

Since we couldn't go to Boston and we had chosen not to see the parents it made Christmas very strange.  We decided to rent a house from some good friends that is at the beach for two nights.  We had some very good friends that have been a part of our "bubble" join us for one night.  We watched movies, made pizza, laughed, talked, cried and had a really great and low key Christmas.  I have realized in the last few months that I am so busy enjoying the moment and trying to soak it all in that I am not taking many pictures.  The memories in my mind are more important than stopping every five seconds to take pictures.  

Joe and I walked on the beach on Christmas Eve.  It was really warm.  Warm enough that we had to take off our jackets.  Which is crazy for Oregon in December!  There is something very soothing about the beach and the sound of the ocean.  We looked for shells, heart shaped rocks, sea anemones and star fish in the tidal pools and enjoyed the sunshine and the time together.  

Joe made me a heart shaped rock.  😍

Couldn't ask for more beautiful weather!

T-shirts on Christmas Eve...what?

I have spent the first week of my Winter Break working on remembering that exercising is good for me, physically and for my mental health.  I made a goal to do something active every day starting on Monday.  

Monday I did some strength training in the garage.  It felt good to lift the weights and do all the stretches, even though later I was so sore!  

Tuesday Joe and I went to Silver Falls State Park.  He had a long run to do and I just wanted to move.  I decided to start on the Rim Trail and work my way around the falls as if I was doing the race for Run Wild.  I walked up hills and tried to run the down hills (more like a really, really slow trot).  I was struggling with my heart rate getting super high when I was running and by the time I got to the North Falls I also was feeling shaky.  Joe had started on the Rim Trail with me but then had taken the Winter Falls trail and looped around to the North Falls from the other side of the river.  He met up with me on the stairs when I was taking a break and having a snack.  

I decided that instead of doing the entire falls loop and just getting super frustrated and mad that it was slow and I was struggling, I would just retrace my route back on the Rim Trail.  

This is going to sound silly but that that was huge for me on several levels.  

First, I cut myself some slack and didn't try and do something that was just going to make me miserable for no reason. 

Second, I made a conscious choice to do what would make me feel like I was having fun.  And not make me miserable for the rest of the day.  

I enjoyed the hike back to the car.  I ran some, I walked some.  I stopped and took pictures and just enjoyed the fact that I was moving.  

Wednesday I did another round of strength training.  Ouch.  My body is yelling at me since I'm trying to remind it that I have muscles and they need to be used.  Evidently there are ab muscles under all that stomach flab.  lol  

Thursday we walked on the beach.  While I didn't run or make it a "workout", I am trying to remember that any day that I get out and move is a good day.  Bonus if I get sunshine and time with my hubby while I'm doing it.  

Friday was Christmas.  We were at the beach and we woke up to a downpour.  I just couldn't get excited about getting out there and making it happen.  I completely wienied out.  lol  

Saturday we cleaned up the house, laundry, dishes, packing, etc.  When we got home we unloaded the car and did laundry and put things away.  That was the extent of my workout. 

Sunday turned out to be amazing.  Another bright, sunshiny day that was relatively warm considering the time of year.  I decided that I should take down the Christmas tree and get the tree down to the curb to be picked up.  I didn't feel like leaving it up through the whole break and having to deal with it right before I went to work.  While there were many things about Christmas that I enjoyed and filled my heart, I REALLY missed my kids and have been struggling with that.  Once the tree was down, I just decided to keep going and packed away all of the Christmas decorations.  The only thing left is the Christmas lights outside and I will leave those on until New Years Day.  

Once I got done packing up Christmas I decided to go on a bike ride.  It was so beautiful out and I knew I would regret not taking advantage of it.  I didn't feel like walking/running so I thought a chill bike ride would be good.  I don't think I have done a bike ride since early October!  It was awesome.

I didn't try and go fast and I didn't try and go far.  

But I went!

I had to do a lot of wiggling and jiggling to get into my riding clothes.  

I'm really struggling with bloating, on top of the weight gain, so that makes it hard to get into my workout clothes.  It would have been really easy to use that as an excuse to not go.

That has been my normal for the last few months.  If it is to hard or there are difficulties, then bag it. 

I'm trying to change that attitude.  

Didn't quite get there on Christmas.  I have run in the rain before but it was just too much work this time.

I didn't want to continue that today.  

So I jiggled, and danced, and shimmied and got all my riding clothes on.  

Bonus!  I could still breathe and I could still bend over.  (Gaining weight sucks!)

The ride was awesome!  The wind was a little chilly so I was glad I wore long pants and a jacket.  But the sky was blue, I could see mountains in the east and it was quiet on the roads I was on.  

I loved that I didn't have a time or distance requirement.  

I loved that the reason I was riding was just because I wanted to.  

I had a blast.  

The downside to starting over is how hard it is, both mentally and physically. 

I know that I've tried to avoid saying that I am starting over.  

But the reality is, in a lot of ways, I really am.

When you start the journey to being a healthier person physically, it is not easy at the start.  

I have gained so much weight back that the workouts that I have done the last week have made everything hurt.  

My knees hurt.

I'm sore all over. 

It hurts to sit down to pee.  

Then it hurts to stand back up again. 

If I had no other frame of reference, I would say this is ridiculous and I would quit. 

Lucky for me I know better.  

I know that I have to get through the ouchy part in order to start seeing gains.  Gains in my physical abilities, weight loss and my mental fitness.  

So many levels of ouch right now. 

One week of making sure I am actively moving.  

I have another week of break before I have to be back at work.  

I am wanting to work at being active every day when I am working.  

That has been hard this 9 weeks since I don't have a prep and I am so very DONE by the end of the day.  

But I'm still going to try.  

I may not being 100% successful.

I may not be anywhere close to where I was or where I want to be.

My mental health feels like it's all over the place.  Some days I feel like I can totally handle all the weird.  Other days I just want to crawl under a rock and give up.  

But I am NOT giving up.  

I'm still trying.