Self Challenge

Facebook has a cool thing that allows you to see what you posted in the past on that day.  I always go check because it's fun to see what was going on.

The last few months have had a lot of pictures of my sweet puppy, Bailey.  This is bittersweet since she has been gone since last April and I still miss her.  But I also like seeing the pictures because they are great memories of my girl.

I also love the pictures I have posted of my kids.  First day of school, choir concerts, random adventures.  The two oldest are all grown up and not living at home anymore.  The youngest is in her junior year of high school and is growing up fast.  Middle school pictures are the best because they change so much after that stage!

It also has been fun to see where I have been in my journey to a healthier me and really how far I have come.

Today is a great example of this.  Four years ago today I did my very first triathlon.  It was a sprint triathlon called the Last Chance Tri.  You can read all about how it went from the point of view of that day here: Last Chance Triathlon 2013

It was a very good day and I was very proud of myself for accomplishing a triathlon.

Then I didn't do another one for almost three years.

I got busy.

I was running.

I had other goals.

Sounds reasonable, right?

All of those things are true.  But there were some other things in there.

I was too large to "really" be a triathlete.

I was too slow to be a triathlete.

I was still scared of riding a bike.

I wasn't good at swimming.

So I kept avoiding talking about doing a triathlon and doing my best to be very busy with other things.

Eventually my husband caught on to my avoidance and started pinning me down on what was really going on in my head.  Totally fine if doing triathlons wasn't my thing.  Totally not okay if I was letting fear keep me from doing something.

Worked on getting back on the bike.  Practiced stopping and starting and not falling down.  Always a good thing.

Worked on improving my swimming.  Started swim lessons with my daughter and started feeling like I could actually swim longer distances and not be struggling the entire time.

Then I worked on the mental side.  Seeing myself as an athlete has been difficult.  I have always equated my size and my speed with my athletic ability.  If I am fat and slow then I can't really be considered an athlete.  More of just a athlete wanna be.

This will be something that I think will always be something I am working on.  But I am much better than I used to be.

Today showed me how far I have come since that first triathlon.  Both in my ability as an athlete and in how I view myself as an athlete.

In the last two years I have done 10 triathlons!!  Six have been Sprint triathlons and four have been Olympic triathlons.

6 miles of swimming
168 miles on the bike
43 miles of running

And that's just from the racing!  That doesn't include the many hours in the pool, on the bike (outside and on the trainer) and running that I did to get ready for these races.

I have not only accomplished things that make feel like an athlete, I have also taken some big steps with how I view myself as an athlete. I still have my times that I am totally frustrated with my weight, my speed, and my being tired all the time.  But I'm doing a better job of celebrating what I can do and how hard I work to make these things happen.

I started a new job at a new school this fall.  I'm always a bit insecure when starting out with something new.  New people, new procedures, new expectations.  That's a lot of new.  It was a bit overwhelming.
I gave myself a challenge.

The idea for the challenge came from last summer when Jon challenged me to take the word heavy out of the subtitle of my blog.  That was really hard for me.  It was also really good for me.  It has really made me conscious of my self-talk and how I speak about myself, both internally and out loud.

The beginning of the school year, before students are in the building, is about school norms, expectations and letting new staff have opportunities to get to know people.  This was no exception, the only difference was I was the new staff.  Totally unknown to my new co-workers.  I did not have anyone that I already knew in the building.  They knew nothing about me other than their impressions of me from my interview and sample lesson.

They didn't know me 70 pounds ago.

They didn't know me before I started running.

Or before I started doing triathlons.

Whatever I presented was how they would see me.  How I spoke about myself would give them a foundation of how they would see me.

So the challenge I gave myself was that I was not going to bring up the fact that I have lost weight.  That one wasn't terrible hard, a little difficult here and there but doable.  But I also wasn't going to say that I am still heavy or that I feel fat now.  No conversations about my weight at all!

The hard one was that when I shared that I run or do triathlons I was not going belittle what I do by saying that am slower than everyone else, or heavier than everyone else.

If it came up I said, "I do triathlons and it is so much fun!!" Nothing else other than talking about events or what I do to get ready. No qualifying or downplaying what I do.

Sounds easy.

It was much harder than I expected it to be.

My new co-workers don't know my journey.

They are meeting the triathlete.

Not the woman of seven years ago that started out struggling to make it around the track.

My race bibs are up above my white board.  I got to talk about events I've been in, share some of my adventures, and share how much fun I have had along the way.

Planning on getting race bibs all across the front of the room!

I had to stop myself often from adding to the stories the other aspects.  But I managed it.

Six weeks into my school year I have done the same thing with my students.

I have come a long way since that first triathlon.

This is who I am now.

I am a triathlete.

I'm learning to acknowledge the fact that I have been since the first triathlon.  I need to give myself more credit for how far I have come and appreciate the work to get me to where I am today.   Love the woman I was because she was strong enough to get me moving me down this road.  Embrace the woman I am today and all that I am able to do now.

Me and Miss Meighan at my first triathlon

Me and my coach Jon at my most recent triathlon.  

Last Chance Triathlon 2013

I was very, very, very nervous about doing a sprint triathlon.  I don't know why but this race had my stomach doing rolls all week long.  I was super stressed about it and I'm pretty sure my friends were tired of hearing me whine.  I questioned why I thought I could do it, I wondered what I was thinking when I signed up.  I basically was a complete basket case.

This morning I woke up and finished getting my stuff together.  For the first time ever I had the issue with going #2 and having it be disgusting and smelly.  I know, too much information, but all my running friends will totally get what I'm talking about.  I leave it at that. 

Goober #3 was also participating in the triathlon so we had two bikes and all our gear to load up.  Joe made sure that our tires were pumped up and our bikes were good to go.  It was a bit weird having Joe be the camera guy, helper, cheerleader, etc.  That's usually my job.  :-)

We got our bikes set up with all our stuff.  Geez, there was a ton of stuff to have out and ready.  Then we went in to get our numbers put on our legs and arms and then get ready for the swim.  Standing around waiting is just the worst!  The first wave started at 8:00 a.m. but I was in the 8:20 a.m. wave start.  So that meant an additional 20 minutes to be nervous.

There's a lot of gear needed for a Tri!

Meighan and I were the only two people in our lane.  We decided to each take a side of the lane rather than circle swim since it was just the two of us.  She has been on the local club swim team for over three years so she is a really good swimmer.  I knew she was going to kick my butt on the swim part, and she did!  I had some struggles with feeling out of breath and was having a hard time finding my rhythm at the start.  Probably because I was going faster than I had in training.  No matter how hard I try to keep my activity slow during the start of a race I can't seem to do it very well.  It always happens during running races so I guess now I know it happens during other sports as well.  When I started taking a breath every stroke on one side I did better so I did that more than I had during my workouts.  At 8:40 a.m. they had one last wave to start.  So two people joined me in my lane while I was finishing up.  I ended up finishing my swim in about 25 minutes.  Which for me was really good.  That was a nice way to start!

Swim caps are not my best look but I really love this picture.  Mostly because of my swim partner.  :-)

I hustled outside to get ready for the bike portion of the race.  Holy moly, it was cold!  It was a foggy morning and the fog wasn't burning off so it was cold.  I had decided to wear my compression shorts and sports bra under my swim suit so I could take off the swim suit and put on my shirt and bike shorts.  I'm sure it wasn't a pleasant sight for people to see me standing there half naked and dripping water but oh well.  A girl has to do what a girl has to do.  :-)  I got changed, ate part of a banana, drank some water and then headed out.  Did I mention that it was cold?  

I headed out to the main road and the first thought was that I felt pretty good.  So I just decided to move along and try and have a good pace until I wasn't feeling good anymore.  Then I would adjust accordingly.  I had a couple people pass me during the first couple of miles which was no surprise.  But then I passed a few people myself.  Now that was a surprise!  On runs I am used to being roadkill.  I rather enjoyed being able to pass other bikers and have them be roadkill.  I kept waiting for my legs to give out on me but they kept feeling good.  I also kept waiting for my butt to start hurting.  Usually that starts about mile one.  Today it didn't start getting uncomfortable until about mile 10.  My legs started getting tired about then too.  But I knew I was getting close to the finish of the bike portion so I pushed through it.

Getting off the bike was an adventure.  It took a few tries to get my leg to lift high enough to get over the bar of the bike.  lol  I'm sure that was entertaining to watch.  Then I walked the bike over to my spot   and worked at getting ready for the run.  I took off the bike shorts and put on my running capris and headed out again.  Joe shouted to me that I needed to take it slow because I would feel like I was going slow but would be going faster than I thought I was.  I thought I was going slow.  I felt like I was creeping along.  I couldn't feel my legs, they were all tingly.  I couldn't feel my toes, they were numb from the cold.  I got a half mile into the run and my Nike+ app said that I was running at a 11'30" pace. What the heck?  I felt like I was doing a 15' pace or worse! lol  So I tried to slow down.  My goal for the 5K was to just run the whole thing.  I ended up with a 12'12" minute pace.  Wow.  I couldn't believe that I ran that fast after swimming and biking!  I even passed someone!  (Another roadkill!)

The race finishes on the high school track.  I had to run almost an entire lap and it was a long lap!  But I kept going because I knew that my husband and daughter were waiting for me at the finish.  I crossed the finish line and walked right into Joe's arms.  Got a big old hug from my best friend and number one fan.  I absolutely know that I could not do the training or any of these races if he didn't believe in me and support me along the way.  I'm so blessed to have such an amazing man as my partner in life!  I also had to give hugs to my daughter, two fabulous women who I am beyond blessed to have cheering me on and my buddy Matt, who had already finished his first triathlon.  :-)  It was quite the little party at the finish line!

Woot Woot!  What an amazing feeling!

Going home and taking a hot shower was heavenly.  That was followed up with a nice long nap.  Then I had to do homework.  That was a bummer.  But I got it done.

My friend Matthew also participated in the triathlon this weekend.  It was his first race of any kind!  He did awesome!

Triathletes!!!  The smiles say it all!

I also got a new toy this week.  I purchased a Fitbit.  I have been wanting to get some sort of tracker for awhile.  I was leaning toward a Nike Fuelband because I do my runs on Nike+ so they would go together.  I finally decided to get the Fitbit for a couple of reasons.  First, it tracks sleep.  Since I'm having issues with being tired all the time I thought that would be interesting information to have.  Second it syncs up with myfitnesspal.com so I can put my meals and activities into that app and it automatically tells my Fitbit and all that is factored in.  The only thing that I have been disappointed about is that it won't automatically sync wirelessly to my phone or iPad.  Turns out my technology is too old.  The oldest iPhone it will sync to is the 4s, I have a 4.  The oldest iPad it will sync to is the 3rd generation, I have the 2nd.  But I have the little doodad that goes into a USB port on my laptop so it does sync when I am on the computer automatically.  I've only had it up and running for two days so it will be interesting to see what kind of data I get.  

I got the Fitbit Flex.  I decided to get the one that I can wear like a bracelet.  If I bought one of the clip on ones I can guarantee that I would wash it at some point or lose it.  They aren't very big.  The flex is very light weight and can get wet so I can wear it in the shower and the rain (an important factor living in Oregon.)  It comes with two different size bands to put the Fitbit into so there is no worries about getting one that fits.  And eventually....when I lose enough weight.....I can switch to the small band because I already have it.  :-)  (Positive thinking right there, did you see that?)  You can also purchase bands that are other colors because the Fitbit part slides into the band so it is interchangeable.

This next Saturday I run in the Runaway Pumpkin Half Marathon.  Last year I didn't train for it (at all). It poured down rain all morning and since I walked most of it, it was a very long morning!  And none of my running people were there.  That was a long morning of misery without anyone with me to keep things fun.  It was pretty much the most awful race and hurt for days afterwards.  This year the weather forecast looks like we could could get an amazing fall day.  Clear and crisp, perfect running weather for me.  :-) I'm looking forward to this year being a fantastic run.

This picture a friend posted on Facebook and it sums up how I felt this week and how I often feel.

 Via Facebook-Credit unknown-Love this!

I think I love it because I feel week and scared often but push through to be victorious.  But I can be Badass all the time!  

I don't have my official time for the triathlon yet.  I finished in the 2 hour 15 minute range.  I was hoping the results would be up so I could share my finish and my splits.  No such luck.  Maybe later.  But the really, really, really important part isn't my finish time.  It's that I did it.  From start to finish.  I got in trouble today for saying on Facebook that it was "Just a sprint triathlon" and I have promised not to put down my accomplishments by using the word "just" anymore.  Except for this....

Wow....Just Wow!!!!!!  

**UPDATE**

This is my official results from the triathlon.  The swim was actually about 25 minutes but the tracking pad was outside.  :-)  Hadn't done the bike distance in less than 1:15 before.  :-)  Never thought I could do a swim, then a bike and manage to do a 5K in less than  40 minutes.  I'm pretty happy with my first try at a tri.  :-)