Not Easier but I'm Stronger

It's been almost a month since the Best in the West triathlon.  It was some time for rest and not worrying about a schedule or anything structured as far as working out went.  I could do whatever I felt like, however I wanted.

Work was crazy busy so it was nice to not have to worry about feeling like I had to do a workout.  At the same time it felt weird to not have the structure of a plan to keep me focused.  Without a plan it is way to easy to not do anything.  At least for me it is.

Then I got frustrated.  This sounds weird because I wasn't doing any workouts and so I wasn't frustrated because I wasn't doing well.  I was frustrated because I was tired.

My tired thing is a pain in the ass.  I had an appointment with my doctor right before school started.  Good news, my A1C number has gone down a little.  Yay!  Bad news, tried another test to see if he could figure out why I'm so tired.  All tests came back normal.

Last January I made a conscious decision to just learn to manage the tired since it's obviously not going away.  Especially since we can't figure out what causes it.  Overall I think I did a better job this past year not letting the tired keep me from doing what I wanted to do.  I have done better balancing and looking at my week and making sure that I include what I need to get the down time or rest I need.  Sometimes that means saying no to fun things with friends, which is hard.  But I have a limited tank of energy and I'm learning to conserve it better.

I thought with the break in my workouts that I would not be so tired since I wouldn't be getting up to workout at 5:00 a.m. a couple times a week and then working out again after school.

Nope!

I was actually MORE tired!  What!!?

I got pissed off.

I'm driving home from work and butt dragging and then getting up in the morning and driving back to work feeling exactly like I did the night before.  It sucks!!  One weekend I was supposed to go out with friends and I took a nap that was so long that by the time I woke up they had already gone.  Ugh!!  Then later when they were going somewhere new and I could meet them I couldn't muster up the energy to go.  That pissed me off too!

I had a few days of having an internal pity party.  Then it was time to get over it.

I got to go to the OSU football game and take my coach and his family along with me.  The weather was awesome and we had a great time.  I asked Jon when he was going to start me back on a routine. He said he thought I could have one more week without structure unless I wanted to get going.  I told him if I was going to be tired I would rather have something to be tired about.  At least when I'm working out there is a justification for being tired.

So I'm still butt dragging big time.  But at least I'm working out and getting something done even though I'm tired.

The goal this fall is to work on getting stronger so there has been lots of strength training and interval work.  I had to do some track interval work a few weeks ago.  I headed to the track to get it done.  I had to run for five minutes and then do 10 intervals followed by a 5 minute walk or jog.  Each interval was walk for one minute, run for three minutes at a 11:15-11:25 pace, run for one minute at a 9:50 or under pace.  That is much faster than what has been my normal pace.  I had to go faster than normal for three minutes and then go even faster.  Those one minute walk sessions went by way too fast!  I had to do a lot of self talk to do the last few intervals.  I wanted to just call it good after interval seven, eight and nine.  I was happy when I finished interval number 10.  I had to work hard to get that workout done.  I made the goal for almost every interval and the few I didn't were within a few seconds so a that was a good thing.

Then the next Tuesday I had a swim lesson with Bri.  I go in a little early so that I can get a warm up in before we get started.  I had done about 500 yards before my lesson starts.  Which is rather cool all in itself because just a little over a year ago doing 500 without stopping would have been amazing.  Now it's a warm up.  ;-)  Bri talks to me about my form and some things she wants me to work on.  Then she tells me that I will be doing 10 sets of 50 yards with a 30 second rest in between.  I am supposed to do the first one as fast as I can and then try and do the next nine as close to that speed as I can.  What!?  Ummmmm, okay, I don't think so.  It must have been on my face because she gave me the look that said, "Do NOT argue with me!" She also told me that I was not to do any of the 50's slower than 1:05.  

I took off for my first one.  Got back and she asked me my time.  57 seconds.  

Dang it!  It's like typing class.  Where the first class you take a typing test and then you have to improve and get faster than that score.  If you had friends that had been in the class ahead of you then you knew to go really slow on that first test.  That way you didn't have to work quite so hard to show improvement.  

I should have gone slower for that first 50 yards.  lol  

Except that I'm too competitive with myself to do that.  

Nine more times I would be gasping for breath at the wall, tell Bri my time and take off again. 

After the first couple of intervals she informed me that I couldn't go slower than 1:02 since I was doing so well.  

Great!

57

59

57

57

59

59

1:00  At this point she's telling me I'm half way there.

1:01  She says this one is the hardest.  The next two will be easier.

1:00  I don't think so!

1:01  Ugh!!

Then I had to do 25 yards with a 30 second break.  She said I had to stay under 32 seconds.  

I was SO tired!

30

29

27

28

27

28

28

27

I had to stop because the Masters swim group was going to start and we ran out of time for lessons.  Oh darn!  Bri had me do a 200 yard cool down.  When I got out the pool I was talking with Bri and she said she had to tell me something about my workout.  Turns out that the way these intervals work is that I'm supposed to keep doing them until I can't maintain the time/speed anymore and then she would have had me move on to something else.  Except that I kept hitting the mark so I got to keep going.  So if I had given up or slowed down then we would have been done.  But because I kept fighting I did the entire set of intervals.  lol  I was partly grumpy about doing more than I necessarily had to and partly proud that I was able to keep going like I did.  

This last Saturday I was supposed to do a trail run.  My last long trail run before my event next week.  I was supposed to walk the first five minutes and then run four minutes, walk one minute for one hour and 20 minutes, then walk the last five minutes. Which meant that it didn't matter if I was going uphill or down, if it was time to run, I had to run.  I did one of my favorite routes, the Nettleton/Davies loop in the Mac Forest.  I have run the entire thing before, which was work but I did it.  Taylor and I had done this route the week before and walked up the hills and ran on the downhills.  Ended up with a time that was just about the same as the time I had run the whole thing.  I was curious to see how I would do with this run/walk method.  

The direction I started is uphill for about 1.5 miles.  Not horribly steep but steep enough.  I was not breaking any speed records but I worked at just plugging away.  

The first half of the run was in the fog.  Quiet and still in the forest.  I couldn't see far.  Was glad I had the puppy to keep me company.  ;-)  When I turned to come back on the lower road I started to come out of the fog.  I turned a corner and suddenly there was sunshine and blue sky.  So beautiful!!  I had to stop and take a few pictures.  

I got to the end of the running portion and had my five minute walk left and I realized that I was almost back at the gate.  I didn't know what my average pace would be but I knew that I had just done this route faster than I had ever done before.  I was a very happy trail runner....and a very tired trail runner.  

While I was running there were times I didn't want to keep at it.  I didn't want to push hard to go faster.  I wanted to walk more and run less.  I wanted to slow the run way down and settle for my old normal pace.  

Why does it always have to be so hard?

I have been told this quote before.  I even have various versions pinned on my Health Motivation board on Pinterest.  The last couple of months have been showing me that this is indeed true.  I keep pushing and working.  Which means I keep struggling.  Sometimes it goes epically bad.  Other days I feel like I kicked my own ass.  

Just like when I started running. 

As long as I'm trying to be a better, healthier me then it will never be easy.  But the hard will be in a different place then it used to be.  

I have to remember that and keep things in perspective because I'm my own worst enemy at times when it comes to being frustrated and having self-doubt.  

I have come a long way in six years.  

I have come a long way in just the past year.  

But if I'm always setting new goals and trying new adventures then there always should be an aspect of hard and challenging.  Otherwise I'm just stagnant.  Which really isn't much better than when I was a couch potato, the stagnant is just disguised better.   I don't want to be someone who settles for where I am now.  That applies to all aspects of my life, mental and physical.  

This is the fog I had been running in at the start of my trail run.

Change in the weather when I got on the other side!  So beautiful!!

My running buddy.  She's getting used to mom being faster.  ;-)  

Never thought I'd go this fast on a run with this kind of elevation.

A few years ago getting an average pace of 13:34 on a flat run would have been amazing.  Doing it with 719 feet of elevation is freaking awesome.  Good for me to remember that!!!!  

Sunday Joe and I did a short walk at a place in Albany we hadn't been before.  It's called the Talking Water Gardens.  It was very pretty with nice trails.  It will be a great place for runs that aren't super long but we don't want to do on the roads.  I loved all the fall color and I loved hanging out with my favorite guy!  

I'm doing the Silver Falls 7 Miler race on Saturday.  I had a huge PR last year (because I basically walked it the year before.)  I'm excited to see what I can do this year.  I'm more excited about spending the weekend with people that are fun, caring and are challenging themselves as well.  So much better being a part of all the fun instead of just being on the sidelines.  

Glad I'm getting stronger. 

Running Because It's Fun!

My professors have been stressing the importance of self care while we are going through our practicum.  As I said in my last blog, I had decided to make a weekly hike a major part of my self care plan.  I would go with family, with friends, or by myself but I would go.

I have this amazing group of friends that are so encouraging and supportive.  I treasure these friendships tremendously, as I'm sure anyone who has read a few of my posts can tell.  I also have the most wonderful husband who loves me and believes I can do anything I set my mind to.  Which is good because sometimes I don't think I can and he reminds me that I can.  He is starting to gear up his training for Ironman Canada in July but he is making a huge effort to include me in that training by working his training schedule around my hiking days so that we can do something together.  I'm not sure he knows how much that means to me.  

I planned a hike with my friend Kristy and then let people know what we would be doing in case their plans coincided so that they could join us.  Joe decided to ride his bike over to where the hike was going to start and then hike with us.  Josh and Wendie were hiking too but were planning on hiking the uphills and running the downhills.  There were others out and about on the mountain working on various training plans.  Sometimes it's just fun knowing we are out there at the same time, even if we don't see each other.  

When Wendie told me about her plan to hike up and run down the hills I started thinking.  Hmmmm, I wonder how I would do if I did that?   I wonder how far ahead of me they would be?  This may not seem like crazy thoughts but considering how little running I have done it seemed a bit out there.  I didn't say anything to Joe or Wendie because I didn't want to feel like I had to try and keep up.   

We were doing the vineyard loop and chose to head up the right hand side.  Going this direction has us going uphill at the start and again at the end.  We hiked and talked and laughed all the way up the hill.  Josh and Wendie took off running at one point on a short downhill and then doubled back to meet up with us again.  I still hadn't decided what I wanted to do.  I knew that Kristy and Joe would stick with me if I just kept walking, especially since I hadn't said anything about running.  I think there was a part of me that was testing out how I would feel about being "left behind".  There were no  "poor me" or "I can't do this" thoughts in my head.  I really have turned the corner on that, glance at it once in awhile in my rearview mirror but it's not front and center anymore.  That's a pretty great feeling.  

Kristy was worried that her pack was too bright.  You hardly notice it if you are with Joe and his bright yellow pants!

The road doubled back and started heading back to the Saddle.  Here begins the downhill.  Decision time.  I decided to start running and just see what happened.  After all, the worst thing that could happen would be that I went back to hiking.  Oh darn, hiking in the beautiful woods with my husband, my puppy and my friend?  Tough deal.  :-)  I figured it was a win/win at this point and took off.  

I was at the back of the group but not way, way back and that was kind of fun.  I managed to keep up decently and overall felt good.  I was am still working on not using my inhaler and really concentrating on regulating my breathing.  Because I haven't been running I just listened to my body, focused on my posture, my breathing and how it felt to be running.  

It felt good.  

It felt fun.  

It has been a long time since I just ran because it felt good and fun.  It made me happy.  It's been a long time since running has made me happy.  I was with people I love, my dog was being a silly, happy puppy and I was running....just because I wanted to.  No agenda, no race, no training plan, no pace requirement.  

Just moving. 

Pushing myself.

Because it felt good to push myself.  

We got to a hill and Wendie started hiking.  Thank God.  I was loving the running but it's been awhile so I was happy for the break.  Each time we started running I worked a little harder at trying to keep us with Wendie.  She sets a quick steady pace.  (Hoping that by the time summer gets here and we can run on Thursdays together I can keep up with her.) :-) There was a couple of times that I was able to keep pace with her for a short time.  I even ran up a couple of short hills.  It was fabulous.  I was pooped!  I had a blast.  :-)  

I had taken my phone out of my pocket and must have hit the pause button on Nike+ on accident so it didn't get my pace for the last mile where I was really trying to see how fast I could go.  And I had been fiddling with the settings on my Garmin watch and messed something up so it recorded the time we hiked but that is all.  At first I was bummed and then I wasn't.  I focused on how it felt instead of what the numbers on a read out said. 

It felt good just to be moving faster and I was so excited by the fact that I did SO MUCH better than I thought I could.  I may not be running on a regular basis but the weekly hikes and staying active at work have kept me from having to completely start over.  This gets me excited about getting going again in April.  And the majority of my Nike+ showed that I had negative splits on every mile of the hike and that includes the first half which was all uphill.  Winner!  :-)

It is so easy to spiral into negativity or depression and it often takes time to dig your way out.  For those of us that struggle for time to time with depression it can take a little more time to do that.  Having patient, supportive people around while digging out of the hole you have created is such a blessing. 

It is also easy to spiral up into happy and positive energy.  The light feeds off of itself in much the same way the dark does.  But it's such a better experience.  Things are a lot chaotic for me right now. Juggling work and practicum and family is a lot.  And in spite of that I'm really in a good place.  My husband has been Ah-May-Zing about letting me have my "I'm completely stressed out and can't do this" crying jags and then kicking me in the ass and telling me that I can and will do this.  That's just part of how I handle stress and I am fortunate we have been married long enough that he knows exactly how to handle me when I'm like that.    Well that and the occasional migraine and a really bad case of zits.  Geez, I feel like I'm 15, not 45, with pimples all over my face. And in spite of the stress, and being super busy, and only getting to hike once a week, I'm happy about where I am with my health and exercise.  

I'm doing the very best I can with the time and energy I have right now.  And it's enough.  There will be a time when I can do more and that will be fun.  But right now I have cut myself a TON of slack and am enjoying the feeling.  I have learned to be happy where I am at right now.  That doesn't mean I plan to set up camp and live in this place.  But it's nice to know that I can focus on other aspects of my life and still feel like I am making progress in my health in small ways.

Last summer I was feeling guilty for not doing EVERYTHING at an amazing level.  I ended up feeling like I was doing EVERYTHING at a crappy level.  When I let some things go and focused on the things that needed my full attention things got better.  When I stopped worrying about what I thought everyone else thought I should be doing to be healthy (did that make sense?) things got better.  My journey is not going to be like other people's journey.  I have no idea where I want my journey to go but I'm excited about all the possibilities.

Last week a friend texted me about my hike up to Fitton Green last week.  I told her that I did good and that it was a really steep hill.  I said I didn't know how all you crazies run up that stupid thing.  She said something along the lines of I could do it too, just have to work at it.  I laughed.  The thing I realized and is now crystal clear is that I don't WANT to run up that stupid hill.  No desire.  Not my challenge, not my goal, not my obstacle to overcome.  I have routes that have hills that I do want to run up.  Trails that I think that I might be able to work at running more and hiking less.

But I don't want to be an ultra runner.

Or a marathoner.

Or an Ironman.

I just want to be a healthier me.  I don't know exactly what that is going to look like later but the decisions I have made about my health are right for me and where I am at right now.  The things listed above may eventually end up on the "I want to do that!" list.  But right now I'm just going to enjoy cheering on all the crazies that do want to do those amazing things.  I will live vicariously through them and be proud of all that they accomplish on their journey!

Three and a half weeks of my practicum done.  Only (ha!) seven and a half to go.  :-)  I signed up to do a 10k trail run next week at the coast.  Can't wait to see how it goes and enjoy the day.  My sweet daughter is doing it as well.  Joe is doing a 25k.  I LOVE that we are doing these things together!

Life is good.  :-)

http://lornajaneactive.tumblr.com Via Pinterest.

Running in Palm Desert

I cannot even tell you how much I was ready to go on vacation.  It has been a great week of sunshine, laughter and fun with kids (and without!)  lol


I wasn't sure how well I would do with my running this week.  First because I'm on vacation and that is a lot of work while on vacation.  Second I hate running when I'm hot.  Not just dislike it greatly or feel slightly inconvenienced but actually hate it.

Luckily I had a recovery week for my training and that meant shorter runs and no hills or intervals.  All I really had to do was go out and do 3 mile runs for three days and then a 7.5 run on Friday for my long run.

I celebrated arriving and not having to sit in the car anymore by having a Lava Flow adult beverage.  Yummy!  I only had one because it went down way too easy and I could find myself in a world of hurt if I had too many.  :-)

Monday:  I was out the door by 7:00 a.m. and it was already 60 degrees!  That isn't super hot but I seriously like running in the low 50's best.  So this was still on the warm side for me.  Also the air was dry and that made it hard as well.  I didn't use my inhaler because I wanted to see how well my breathing did or didn't do.  I was slow and breathing was hard.  Part of the reason I was slow was because my legs were stiff after two days of sitting in a car.  It took awhile to work the kinks out.  Actually it took almost the entire run to work the kinks out.  There wasn't much to say about this run other than I did it and it was beautiful.  Can't say I minded running in sunshine instead of rain for a change.

Street our Suite is on.  

Golf course at the end of the street we where we are staying. 

Later in the afternoon we went on the Palm Springs Tram and had a great time taking pictures at the top and seeing the sites.  I think if we ever come here again we will totally make that a day trip where we go up in the morning and spend the entire day hiking.  It was beautiful up there with amazing views!

Tuesday:  I left a little later Tuesday morning.  It was after 7:30 a.m.  I am on vacation after all.  Unfortunately that meant that it was warmer than the day before.  It was over 65 degrees and it felt hot. It wasn't long before I was sweating.  I had used my inhaler and that made a huge difference!  So glad I have that now.  I have been amazed how much it has helped.  (I think I have said that before but I'm still marveling on what a difference it makes!)  My average pace was about 30 seconds better than on Monday.  That was good.  Still not terribly quick but not a terrible pace either.

Wednesday:  This was my cross-training day.  It was also the day that we had reservations at the spa.  The adults had reservations at the spa, we left the children at the pool.  They had food and water so they were okay.  :-)  Once we checked in we had complete run of the facility for the rest of the day so my friend and I headed over early to get our workout in before the pampering began.  We used the fitness center at the spa.  I did 35 minutes on the elliptical machine and then about 25 minutes of free weights.  Once we were done there we went back to the locker room to get ready for our pampering.  Wow!  I had never done anything like this and I have to say it was awesome.  We went and showered and then we went and sat in the sauna, followed by the hot tub.  So relaxing!  And we hadn't even started our appointments yet.  I had decided on a 1/2 hour facial followed by a 1/2 massage.  Mostly because I couldn't decide on which one I wanted to do for an hour so I did a little of both.  I thought this would help me decide what I like more in case there is ever a next time.  Didn't work.  Now I want an hour facial and an hour massage.  lol  After our appointments we met the guys out by the pool.  They both had massages.  The pool was lovely and there were no children.  I love my children and am having a great time with them on this trip.  But it was quite lovely to sit by a pool that didn't have splashing, shouting children for a couple of hours.

Thursday:  I got out by 7:00 a.m. again and it was still very warm, around 68 degrees.  However, the sun was low enough that there was more shade and that helped me not feel too hot.  I used my inhaler and this time I carried a bottle of water.  Every run I have tried to add something that might help me do better.  I was hoping that would make it so that my long run on Friday wasn't a painful experience.   I did really well.  I kept it right at a 13 minute average which was another 30 seconds faster per mile on average than Tuesday's run.  My last half mile Joe was finishing up his run and cooling down so he ran with me.  I was running very fast for me and he was running slow for him.  lol  But it was still fun to run together for awhile.  I actually ran a pace of about 11'15" for that last half mile which is really fast for me and I usually can't do it for that long.  That was a nice little bump for me at the end.  :-)

Friday:  I ran 7.5 miles this morning!  My friend Faylene went with me.  She walked and I jogged.  She usually runs at a 9 minute mile and a 13 minute mile actually hurt her knees to jog that slow.  So she walked briskly and I trudged along.  :-)  We got about a quarter of a mile and I realized that I had forgotten to use my inhaler before we left.  Since I knew there was a hill along the route we were taking  we turned around and I ran up to the room and used it really quick.  That was a good call.  We had started not long after 6:00 a.m. because I wanted to beat the heat as much as possible.  However it was already 65 degrees when we started.  But there was a nice breeze and the sun wasn't beating on us until the last half of the run.  I did the first mile WAY too fast.  That was before Faylene had decided to walk and I think I was trying not to slow her down.  I paid for that.  The rest of the run was okay but not as quick as I was hoping.  I did get negative splits for the last 5 miles which was good for me.  So considering that it was hot, I had worked out for five days straight and I was hot, it was a pretty good run.  Faylene took some pictures while we were out and about.  She let me steal them.  :-)

I took this one when we had about 2 miles left in the run.  The sun had some up a long way and made the hills change considerably.  

God's beauty and creation is everywhere.  I love that I get the opportunities to go other places and see new things.  Working out this week was challenging.  It's hard to get moving on vacation and to run in the heat.  But I was worried that if I let it go this week it would be really easy to let things go next week, and the week after, etc.  So I got my runs done in the morning and relaxed the rest of the day.  I have a wonderful week in the desert but I have to say that I'm ready to go home.  I love Oregon in spite of the rain and cold.  And I'm ready to sleep in my own bed without two girls sleeping in the pullout bed right next to us.  :-)  

So the successes this week were getting out there and getting it done and working through the heat.  Hopefully the pace will pick back up when I get home and it is cooler and and the air isn't so dry.

I'm feeling pretty sassy today.  I hope you are too.  :-)

Lisa