Taking Joy in What My Body Can Do

I have been feeling fat and frumpy lately.

I think this is partly because of the time of the year.  It's darker for more of the day.  It's hard to be motivated to do anything.  Sometimes I feel like I'm just doing what I can to make it through each day.

I also think that it is part of my own self doubts and body image issues.  While I have come a long way in that area, it is a never ending battle.  

Lately I have been trying to remember on how far I have come in becoming a healthier me.  I have been looking at pictures from the past few years or realizing how cool it is to have extra length on my airplane seatbelt after I have buckled in.  

But as cool as that is, it hasn't really helped me feel less fat and frumpy.  

I've been comparing again.  Never a good thing!  Fabulous people that I know and love that are making awesome changes and seeing immediate and significant results.  I'm so happy for them and proud of them for working hard to make positive change.  But the nasty little person in the back of my head is stomping her feet and wailing, "Why can't I have change that quickly?  Why are they already faster than me?  Why did they get to lose weight so fast?" 

Blah Blah Blah.

Same stuff that I have whined and bitched about for years.  

I seriously need to get over myself! 

Because they aren't me.  I have changed.  I am faster than I used to be.  I have lost weight.

It just hasn't gone the way I had planned or wanted.  

You would think at my age I would have a better understanding of how life rarely goes the way I plan or expect.  😳

For all I know there is somebody out there that wishes they have had the results I have had.  

I have had a cold for about a month now.  Mostly a really nasty cough that isn't too bad during the day but gets worse in the evening and then is horrible at night.  I seriously feel like I'm coughing up a lung.  When I exercise I feel like someone who should be hauling around an oxygen tank because I sound so awful and wheezy.  

In spite of this I have had some pretty decent runs and swims.  My swimming this fall has been trending faster pretty consistently.  I am about 30 seconds or more faster per 100 yards than I was a year ago.  That's pretty cool.  My coach has me doing a lot of running intervals at paces that I never would have dreamed I could sustain for any length of time, let alone for a 200, 400 or 800 yard interval.  

Pretty fun to see the improvements even when I'm not feeling 100%.

Last week I was doing my Wednesday group run with Jon and a couple of his other athletes, Mike and Marcus, on the OSU campus.  It was cold and rainy and I didn't really want to go.  But I sucked it up and went.  We did our warm ups then ran a lap.  Usually I am hard pressed to keep up with everyone on their warm up lap since their slow pace is faster than my fast pace.  However, in spite of the wheezing I chugged along with Marcus the whole time.  (I don't think he was going slow for me.  lol)  Then we did some short speed drills working on our form and run cadence.  Next we took off to run the Beaver Freezer route for a few laps around campus.  

The other two guys took off and Jon ran with me for two laps.  I always enjoy running or riding my bike with my coach.  We talk about all kinds of things, mostly about workout things but also about big picture stuff that all connects to being a healthier, happier person.  There's lots of stuff that I know in my head but getting it into my heart is hard work.  Comparing, perspective, etc.  All my usual blah blah blah stuff. 

One of the things that Jon said really has stuck with me this week.  He said that loose clothes and airplane seat belts that aren't tight are all awesome and fun.  But he wants me to be proud of and take joy in what my body is able to do.  

Take joy in what my body is able to do.  

That has stayed with me all week.  

I have come so far.  

I am doing things that six years ago I never would have dreamed of.  

Sometimes it's not pretty. 

Sometimes it's freaking fantastic.  

Either way there are lessons to be learned and things to gain from the experience.  

Here are some things that my body can do that I take joy in:

I can run.  There are people out there who have served in the military who have lost limbs.  There are people out there who were hurt during the Boston Marathon bombing that lost their legs.  While they overcome many difficulties to be able to walk with prosthetics and function again, I just swing my legs out of bed each morning without much problem.  I can run anytime I want.  It's really a pretty remarkable thing. 

I can swim.  Just over a year ago I got in the pool with my daughter to work on becoming someone who could swim competitively.  At first I was sure I was going to drown before I ever was able to swim on length of the pool (25 yards) without snorting water or having to stop.  Now I swim 200 or 300 yards for a warm up!  I have discovered that the love for being the water that I have always had has translated into a love for the sport of swimming as well.  I really enjoy my time in the pool.  Even if I had decided I didn't enjoy triathlons, I would have kept swimming as part of my work out.  I have discovered something that I really enjoy just because I do.  

I can bike.  I used to be so scared of my bike rides.  Getting ready for a ride was a lot of mental self talk that I was not going to crash, I would be fine and it would be fun.  I have crashed a couple of times.  While it's not fun, I survived and learned a few things which helped me on future rides.  I still have the occasional anxiety about riding my bike.  For the most part I look forward to my rides and working at getting stronger so I can go faster.  It reminds me of when I was a kid and I got my first 10-speed bike.  I loved riding around the neighborhood with my brother and sisters.  There are times now when I'm flying down a hill and I feel just like I did on that 10-speed when I was a kid.   

Me!  I can do those things!

Still tired all the time?  Yep!

Still not at the weight I want to be?  Yep!

Taking joy in the fast that I am stronger than I have ever been? ABSOLUTELY!!

When I started running I did a 5k and then got talked into doing a half marathon.  I sometimes feel like I missed out on enjoying the process of getting better at the shorter distances and working my way up to the longer one.  I'm not doing that with my triathlons.  I'm enjoying every part of the process and working at getting better at what I have done.  I'll know when and if I am ready to tackle something longer.  In the meantime: 

I'm taking joy in the fact that I did a whole bunch of triathlons last year and fell completely in love with the sport and all that goes with it.  

I'm taking joy in the fact that I have the ability and the health to keep working at getting stronger so that I can get better at being the best athlete I can be.  I know there are many people out there fighting sickness or other struggles that would probably love to be able to be active, even if it's slow.  Grateful that I can continue to work at being as healthy as possible.

I hope that if you are reading this you are able to look at whatever you are doing to be a healthier you and realize that you should take joy in what you are able to do.  

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  I think I'll move to Australia.

Even in Australia. :-)

Actually, last week in general was just a struggle.

I thought that coming off of a really hard triathlon that I did reasonably well would be a good thing.  It would build confidence and I would be able to push through the next few weeks of work no problem.

Well, I was pushing through but it wasn't pretty.

Swims were slow which was frustrating.

I was super tired.  I'm always tired and I've been dealing with it.  But last week I was back to being frustrated about it.

End of the school year is really tough.  Ask a teacher.  Any teacher.  Even with the most amazing kids that love school the end of the year is tough.  Lots of testing, lots of kids thinking more about summer than learning.  Lot's of extra energy to motivate and keep kids on task is needed.  It's exhausting.

So I'm teaching, working out, being a mom and a wife and trying to keep up with laundry, cleaning, cooking.

And I felt like I was doing absolutely none of it well.

Not one thing.

I was doing it all.  Nothing got forgotten or overlooked.  (Except maybe cleaning the toilets, I need to take care of that! Yuck!)

But a lot of it was getting done with tears.  Not fun to be around a person that can't seem to accomplish anything unless she cries about it first.

We did a trail run last Wednesday and I had to walk more than I ran.  I was having a hard time breathing on the stupid hills and my legs felt like they had weights on them.

During my swim the next day I just could not seem to go faster no matter how hard I tried.  I felt like I was swimming through jello.  Yucky green jello.  A couple of months ago I was averaging 2:35 a 100 yards.  The last few weeks (except for the triathlon) I have been averaging 2:50 a 100 yards.

I stopped after 500 yards and cried.  For two minutes.  Mostly because you can't cry and swim, your goggles fill up with tears and that doesn't work well.  I was just frustrated!

How am I supposed to do an Olympic Triathlon if I can't even swim 500 yards at a decent pace and then I'm crying on top of being slow.  Ugh!!

That was on Thursday morning.  I worked all day.  When I got home I had to take my daughter to Corvallis for a make up Driver's Ed class since she had to miss her class on Monday.  I had planned to take my bike along and do my ride in Corvallis and then sit in the lobby where her class was and grade papers.    Sounds like a reasonable plan.  But just the thought of having to wait until after 8:30 p.m. to even be home and just relax had me crying before I ever got out the door.

I'm just not sure I can handle workouts and being a wife/mom/teacher in May.  Which then leads me down the path of thinking that if I can't do this Olympic really well then maybe I should just give up now.  I don't just want to do one, I want to do it well.  And everything is getting slower instead of faster.  What the hell!!?

I know I've been in the dumps or teary too much when Joe starts giving me ultimatums.  :-)  "Talk to your coach and tell him how you are feeling or I will."  Geez.

I was planning on emailing Jon already.  He had told me to let him know if I was struggling to maintain balance and I was not allowed to fib about it.  Actually he said, "NO FIBBING!!" Shouty caps!  I take that seriously!  :-)  My decision to email Jon just happened to coincide with Joe's ultimatum.

I went on my bike ride.  It was a nice ride and I had great weather.  I am really enjoying my bike now that I'm more comfortable on it.  I had lots of opportunities to practise stopping and starting which is always good.  Helps build my confidence.  :-)  Which, evidently, I'm in short supply of at the moment.

I headed back to where Meighan's class was and changed my clothes.  Then I got settled in on a couch in the lobby to grade papers.

I emailed Jon first.

I cried the entire time I was typing.

So stupid.

Basically just told him that while I was getting it all done I was tired and frustrated.  I unloaded.

Felt pretty stupid crying in the lobby of the LBCC Corvallis campus but I had a hat on and I was sitting in the corner.  I don't think anyone noticed.  ;-)

Now I am pretty easy on the water works in general so when I'm in really bad shape it isn't pretty.  Makes it harder to fake it till I make it when I keep overflowing.

Jon made some changes to my workouts for the weekend.  I kept the brick (bike and run) but didn't have a hike.

Because we were going to be going to Lincoln City to support a friend during a competition we needed to get out workouts out of the way Saturday morning.  Lucky us, we managed to workout during the most rainy portion of the weekend.  Joe had a four hour bike ride and I had a one hour bike ride and a 25 minute run.

We got soaked.

I changed out of my wet clothes and put on dry running clothes.

I got soaked again.  lol

But it was worth it to not start out my run with soggy socks and clothes sticking to me.  :-)

Bike went well and run was way better than I had been doing.  I was supposed to run six minutes and walk one and repeat.  During the six minute run portions I was averaging a low 11 minute mile.  Helps that it was cooler and breathing was easier.

Then we headed to the coast to see my BFF rock a crossfit bikini competition.  The competition is about looking fit.  Let me tell you, she was fit as hell!!  The whole show had men and women.  There was body building, physique, and all kinds of different categories.  It was fascinating.  I don't know what was more fun, people watching the competitors or people watching the audience.  Not boring either way!

My friend looked amazing!  She has worked incredibly hard for months and months.  It's been fun to be working towards my goals and see her at the YMCA working towards hers.  Especially since she has been most consistent and supportive friend since the first time I laced on my running shoes and tried to run.  :-)  I can't even begin to describe how proud of her I am.

We got our picture taken together after the show.  Seriously!  Look at those muscles!  You don't get tone and fit like that without serious effort both in workouts and how you eat.  That takes dedication.  So proud.

I can't even begin to say how proud of this lady I am!!

One little problem crept in for me after the show.

Comparison.

Now here's the thing.  I don't have any interest in doing a crossfit bikini competition.  I thought the ladies who did it were amazing and I have watched what it takes to get there and I admire it hugely.  But it's not something I'm interested in working towards for myself.

So why the comparison?  I looked at the picture with my friend and I hated that I look fat in the picture.  (Don't get mad Faylene!  I love the picture and don't, all at the same time.)

No matter how much progress I make, I'm still the fat one.  

No matter how much progress I make, I'm still the slow one. 

No matter how much progress I make, I'm still the least fit one.  

Progress is great.  I'm proud of myself for how far I've come.  Sometimes it's just hard to always be at the back of the pack.  Seems like no matter who I'm working out with or where I'm working out, I'm at the back.  Sometimes I get tired of looking at other people's butts because EVERYONE is in front of me.  :-)  (And Melissa, you don't count, you are injured.  When you aren't injured you kick my ass!!)

Why am I sharing this?

Because it's real.  

I share this stuff because I KNOW that I'm not the only one who struggles.  I KNOW that I'm not the only one who gets frustrated with the journey.  I KNOW I'm not the only one who looks at pictures of themselves and cringes.

Sometimes it is just nice to know that there is someone else out there who gets it.  

I had no workouts on Sunday or Monday.  My coach told me to take a breather.  On Sunday I took a nap and got caught up on some housework.  It was tempting to go hiking with my husband.  I almost went anyway.  But I am working with a coach and part of that is doing what he asks of me.  I told him I'm tired and he told me to rest.  So I'm going to listen and rest.  Who knew that not working out would be hard?  lol   Monday I came home from school and just relaxed on the couch and read a book.  That was a little easier to manage since I had worked all day and was tired.

I took the time to rest and work on readjusting my attitude.

One of the things I've learned on my very long journey is that getting in a funk happens to everyone.  I have learned to be quicker to ask for help and work on the attitude adjustment.

I still have a few weeks of school left.  I'm still a little teary.  But I haven't given up.  I will keep working hard.  I will try and not go too far down the road of self-doubt and comparison.

So while it was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week.  I don't really want to move to Australia.  (However, I would have no problem at all heading there for a vacation!!)

Reflection is Important!

Last week I had a horrible toothache.  I was a good girl and called for an appointment to get it checked.  They could get me in on Monday (I called Wednesday).  Not ideal but I thought I would be able to manage.  By the next afternoon I knew I would not make it until Monday and called again.  I was able to get an appointment for first thing the next morning if I was willing to drive to another town.  Yes!  I had an infection in a root canal.  They loaded me up with antibiotics and Vicodin and sent me home with an appointment to consult with a specialist in a month.  Again, not ideal but I thought I could live with it.  After all, I have antibiotics for the infection so that should start getting better soon and pain meds.

Not so much.  The next morning I woke up and the entire side of my face was swollen.  It was extremely painful and it totally freaked me out.  I called the dentist.  I had to hear multiple recordings reminding me that it was a holiday (4th of July, not good timing).  I finally got through to the answering service told them (through some tears, I admit) what was going on and she said she would have the dentist on call get a hold of me immediately.  He called right away which was appreciated.  I explained how the week had progressed and he promptly told me to go to the ER.  The infection and gotten worse and if I didn't get it under control I would risk damage to my teeth and face not to mention the possibility of the infection turning into Sepsis.  That properly freaked me out.  My dad had a Sepsis infection a few years ago and it was scary.  I did NOT want to go down that road.  I went to the ER and they got me hooked up with an even stronger antibiotic.  I was to keep taking the original and add in the new one.  Ugh.  Every pill I get increases in size, these are huge!  Face/tooth did not get better on Sunday.  If anything the swelling was worse Sunday morning because my eye started to swell shut.  It was frustrating to be in so much pain.  All I did was lay around and watch TV and sleep.  I couldn't even concentrate enough to read!  Sunday night it was starting to maybe look a little better.  Monday I woke up and it was significantly better which was a relief.  I called the specialist office and asked if it would be possible to move up my consultation based on how quickly things got out of hand.  They agreed and got me in that afternoon.

Chipmunk face.  Ouch!

We now have a plan to fix the root canal in a couple of weeks after the infection has died down.  Every day the swelling gets better.  I'm able to stay ahead of the tooth pain with Advil.  I have learned that Vicodin does NOTHING for pain for me.  All it does is make me drowsy but I still hurt.  

Yesterday I decided to try and run.  I went in the middle of the afternoon.  It started out great and then just fell apart.  It was hot.  I got dizzy and my stomach got all upset.  It wasn't pretty.  I did a little research and it seems that antibiotics have a big impact on running.  Ugh.  I need to be training for Cascade Lakes Relay and I need to get rid of this infection.  Not a great combination.  I think I will back off trying to be fast and running in the hot for a bit and just work on getting up in the mornings and getting some longer distances in.  Learning how to cut myself some slack has been good.  When I start to get frustrated because life gets in the way of me getting to my goals I remember that it's life in the way and not me.  As long as I'm doing everything I can to move forward than I have to roll with things not always working out the way I had planned or worked for.  

So looking at the bright side of my run yesterday, even though it was short and yucky.  The first mile was 12'09".  Which for me in the heat of the day, after not running for a week, with a throbbing tooth is pretty damn good.  :-)

A friend on Facebook asked this question this week:

I'm writing a paper on spiritual "calling". Do you believe that God has given you a unique calling/vocation? Why or why not? If yes, how did you know?
This of course, does not include that to which we are called to do: love your neighbor, bear fruit, make disciples, etc...

It got me thinking about my job as a teacher and the journey to becoming a teacher.  I sent him this message this morning:

Hey Caleb. Saw your post earlier in the week about whether we have been given a calling and how we know. It has been percolating in my head for a few days. I'm teaching now, 7th and 8th graders. I just finished my 5th year and I'm 45 years old. I totally know that I was called to do this job. I also work in a school with huge poverty issues and behavior issues. I am called to work with these kids. What made me hesitate to write on your post initially was that I got to thinking. Did I not listen to God when I was younger? Was I meant to be a teacher all along and I missed it because I was too busy doing other things or not paying attention. But looking back over my life I realize that I have always been called to work with kids. Camp counselor, youth leader, volunteer at my kids school, team mom for lots of sports, etc. And all of those experiences, combined with my childhood experiences have put me in a place where I was ready to do the really hard work God has called me to do right now. Working with these kids sometimes is hard and heartbreaking. It is the most rewarding thing, besides being a mom/wife, that I have ever done. I think that sometimes we need to remember that we need to follow God's call and what that is at any time in our life could be different. Where Joe and I are now is vastly different than where we thought we would be when we got married. Fabulous but different. Without those changes I wouldn't have had the opportunities that helped guide me to where I am now. As for the how did I know part of your question. I don't like change. Change is really hard for me because it is uncomfortable and scary and takes a huge amount of faith on my part. But every time I have prayed and taken that step of faith because it felt like the right choice I have been blessed abundantly. While change is scary, when done because you are following God's call it is also exciting. I recently was asked to change my position at my school. An exciting opportunity for my career and endless possibilities for the future. I prayed about it and my answer was no. I didn't get that "I'm scared but excited" feeling. I got the "Oh crap, that's a lot of work" feeling. But when I prayed about my current job and what I'll be doing next year the excitement was there. God let me know and I feel good about the choice. Advantage of being older, I recognize those "feelings" as the moving of the Holy Spirit. smile emoticon Sorry this is so long. A short response didn't seem enough. lol Sometimes you need to be careful what you ask for on Facebook. smile emoticon On a side note. I may not be able to share my faith with my students. But I know completely that they know they are loved by me and see God's love through me every day. I'm planting seeds. It's pretty amazing. 

Reflection is an interesting process.  I find it difficult to reflect on one aspect of my life without examining all of it.  When you are sitting around with a fat face and a throbbing tooth it leave you lots of time to reflect, believe me!

Here are some of the things that I thought about.

Family:

Family is messy.  Sometimes family is frustrating.  Sometimes family is hard.  There are hurt feelings and long memories and difficult relationships.  But my family is there.  All of my family.  I have parents and step-parents and siblings and their spouses, nieces and nephews, cousins, aunts and uncles.  Not just my two families but the addition to my husband's family who have always made me a part of the family from day one.  Some family I see or talk to often and some only occasionally.  But they are mine and I love them.  My families, the ones I grew up with, the one I married into and the one I helped create when I got married, are a part of me and who I am.  Since I like who I am, I am grateful for this crazy mix that has to claim me.  Thank you for making me who I am today.

My husband and my kids are my heart.  I am the wife and mother and that comes with the expectation that I am the support system.  But wow!  My husband and kids have been my biggest cheerleaders and support system as I have gone to school, began to be healthy, got my masters degree and work at a job I love.  We are a team!!  LOVE THAT!!!

Friends:

I have a friend that I have known since Jr. High and then our group of high school friends, aka "The Gang".  We have kept in contact over the years, yes, even before social media.  Although social media makes it way easier to see what they are up to.  We had a lot of fun and a lot of laughs growing up together.  Thank you to my gang for making the journey through high school fun and safe.  As I watch my kids go through their high school experiences I realize that is a pretty incredible combination to get.

I have a friend that has been the sister of my heart since I was 17.  We don't see each other as often as I would like (we are both too busy) but I know if I needed anything, even if it was just a shoulder to cry on, she would be here in a flash.  Twenty-eight years of friendship has only shown me how blessed I am to have this person as an important part of my life!

Moving to Albany was hard.  We moved 10 years ago this summer.  We left a community where Joe had grown up and we knew everyone.  We moved to a town where we knew nobody.  Over the last 10 years we have found some amazing people that have made the quality of our lives better.  Not because they do anything for us but because of who they are.  Friends we met through our kids, thank you Taylor and Cody!  Friends we met through running and triathlons.  Friends that cheer us when we are being badass and support us when we are struggling (or kick our ass if needed).  As I have watched some people enter and leave my life the last few years it has made me appreciate the friends that stick.  Because of my personailty and who I am I tend to think that friends leave me because of me and something I am lacking.  That's insecurity on my part.  Friends leave because they move, move on or maybe it just isn't the right time for a friendship with me.  (Doesn't make it easy sometimes, I tend to want to hang on tightly when I love people.  Hurts when they go, even if it probably for the best.)  So for my awesome group of people that make me laugh, I get to cheer on during epic doings and just in general are great people, I value your friendship more than you can possibly know.

Running:

Five years ago I laced up my running shoes (lol that had NEVER been on a run!) and attempted to become a runner.  As I have worked at becoming a faster runner who can get it done in the heat I have lost focus on how far I have come.  Facebook has this new memory feature that has been reminding me the last few weeks of the excitement of reaching new milestones when I first got started.  I remember when I ran an entire mile without stopping!  It was huge!  It was amazing!  Well, if I could run one without stopping then maybe, just maybe I could run two without stopping.  Less than a year later I ran 13.1 without stopping.  Speed didn't matter.  Not stopping was what kept me chugging.  In the last five years I have logged 1,932 miles in runs, walks and hikes.  That doesn't include bike rides and swims that have been happening the last couple of years.  Check me out, I'm an active person!  Who would have thought it?

Here are the posts about running I put on Facebook five years ago.

I have come so far!  And I haven't given myself credit for that.  I'm not an Ironman or an Ultrarunner. But run, bike, swim, hike, enter races, and challenge myself to try new things and to get better all the time.

Weight loss:

I thought running would lead to weight loss.  Which it has but not as fast as I want.  I thought running and exercising would help me feel less tired.  Which it hasn't.  I have been frustrated and discouraged.  I have compared myself to others who do have tremendous success running and losing weight.  I have changed my eating habits and drink more water.  I do a lot of things really right.  I have lost weight.  I just wanted it to be faster and more significant.  But I lost weight.  And I'm still losing weight.  So I'm learning to adjust to the idea that I may not get to my weight loss goal for another five years.  But hey, no better way to start my 50's than being slim, trim and badass healthy.  Right?  That's a good goal to have.

I have lost 50 pounds in the last five years.  There have been a few times where I gained quite a bit back but then worked at getting it off again.  But just measuring from my heaviest to today, the total is 50 pounds.  That's a chunk.  And a win.  I still look in the mirror and see a heavy person.  Maybe I will always see that because that's an issue for me.  I'm trying to look in the mirror and see the progress.  Pictures help.

Here are some pictures from 2010.  

My beautiful daughter and I on her 8th grade trip.  Standing in front of the home of Thomas Jeffereson.  My heaviest. 

At the wedding of my friend who pushed me toward teaching with a former student.  

Family trip to Disney World.  Had started losing some weight but still had a long way to go.  

Here are some pictures from 2015:

Black Butte hike with besties.  Couldn't have even thought of doing this hike five years ago.  

My fabulous daughter five years later.  Proud of this girls journey!

My running partner.  The only one who willingly runs at my pace every time.  :-)

Short run in the heat.  :-)

I can see a lot of changes in my face.  And I can feel a lot of changes in my clothes.  So that's what I'm focusing on.  Progress is progress and my journey is my journey.  Do I wish I could have the faster success people around me have had?  Of course!  But I am not letting that overshadow or dim the light on how far I have come in my journey anymore.  50 pounds!  That is not a small amount.  So yay me.  :-)

So my overall reflection is this.  I have a pretty stinking awesome life!  A job a love, with co-workers who are amazing.  I have family that loves and supports me through all the ups and downs.  I have amazing friends that actually enjoying hanging out with me.  And my journey is ongoing.  I'm not where I want to be but it sure has been a kick in the pants so far.  I'm suddenly really, really, really excited to see what the next five years is going to bring.  

So here are some inspirational quotes I found on Pinterest.  Have a fantastic day! I know I will.  First swim lesson with my daughter.  She is going to teach me to be a better swimmer.  Isn't that a kick in the pants?  :-)

One Month Recap

Busy Busy Busy!!

I thought I was busy when I was working and going to grad school.  Grad school is done and all the space I had for homework has filled up with other things.  But all of it is more fun than homework so I'm not complaining.

So here's the rundown of what's been going on since my last post.

May 24, 2015

Hiked Black Butte again only this time I took my husband and my most excellent friends, Faylene and Dwayne.  We had a blast and I did better on the hike than I had the first time.  Here is a slide show of our adventures:

Week of May 25-31, 2015

Was trying to run a mile in less than 10 minutes because my students wanted me to go for it.  They are required to do a 10 minute mile by the end of 8th grade.  I tried a couple of times this week and got down to 10'18".  Both tries were in the afternoon heat.  I will have to try again during an early morning run when it's cooler.  I did a total of 12.3 miles for the week running and also did two swims for a total of 1 mile of swimming.  I also got to do an awesome run with my friend Faylene.  She motivates me to do more than I think I can and has been there for me since I first laced up my shoes and started working at this crazy journey.

Week of June 1-7, 2015

Things were getting crazier at work.  This was the last full week of school so there were lots of students trying to get late work done and turned in to help their grades.  Got to love those who wait until the last minute.

On Sunday the 7th I did a run/hike with friends and then went to my first Open Water Swim.  On the hike I did my level best to keep up with my ultra trail runner and my Ironman in-training friends.  I kept them in sight on Upper Dan's Trail and didn't lose them until I had to stop with Bailey to let another runner pass me coming down the trail.  My overall pace was under 15 minute miles!!  That's with Dan's Trail in there which is super hard for me, lots of up and switchbacks.  I felt pretty awesome about that!!  I'm not able to totally keep up yet but I'm not left miles behind either!  Crazy!

I was able to find a wetsuit so I could do my first Open Water Swim.  My next goal is trying an Olympic Triathlon and they involve swimming in a lake or a river.  I had some difficulties finding a wetsuit that would work since I am not just heavy but tall and heavy.  Couldn't fit in anything at the rental place so had to try some different options online.  Finally got a men's O'Neal wetsuit (for a 6'0-6'3 man, and I'm 5'10")  It worked, a little long in the arms and legs but not too bad and it fit everywhere else.  I tried it out with a whole group of amazing people who are training for different events, three Ironmans, one half Ironman and another Olympic triathlon.  I had a blast!  I loved it and can't wait to go again.

Week of June 8-14, 2015

There was a lot of things that happened this week: last week of school, my daughter's last week of 8th grade, grading and closing up my classroom and leaving for the DC/NYC trip with a group of 8th graders on Saturday afternoon.  Didn't get a single run or swim in.  Just too much going on.  But did a TON of walking in DC on Sunday.  :-)

Week of June 15-21

Still on the DC/NYC trip.  We went to DC, Busch Gardens, Colonial Williamsburg, Monticello, Mt. Vernon, Philadelphia to see the Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, and the Rocky stairs and statue.  Then on to NYC where we walked all over Manhattan and got to see the Broadway play Wicked (which was awesome!)  We left NYC late Saturday night and got home in the wee hours of the morning on Sunday.  No official runs but according to my Fitbit we walked an average of 10+ miles every day of the trip from Sunday the 14th to Saturday the 19th.

Every year that I have done this trip I have struggled with swelling in my ankles.  By the time we get done in NYC and I have the long plane ride home it gets bad.  The first time I went with my oldest daughter as a parent chaperon I had serious cankles.  I was at my heaviest weight ever (I had just finished my undergrad degrees at OSU) and I was uncomfortable and in pain.  Every time I have been one of the leaders of the trip I have done better.  My health has improved and my weight is a little bit better and the swelling and uncomfortableness has decreased each year.

This year was the best.  I had one day where I swelled up a little and it was only noticeable because I had an anklet on that got tight.  Usually once I swell up I stay that way until I get home.  This time the swelling was gone the next day, and didn't come back!  This felt like a huge gain for me.

Also, when I went to Busch Gardens in 2009 I could barely fit in the seats on the rides and almost couldn't ride one because they had a hard time getting the buckle latched.  So embarrassing!  When we went to the Broadway play I couldn't fit in the sits comfortably and basically had to sit at an angle which wasn't very comfortable and put my legs in the personal space of the person next to me (which luckily was my daughter.)

This year I fit on all the rides no problem.  Everything buckled easily and I never felt like I might not be able to do something because of my size.  Broadway wasn't an issue either.  I fit into the seat, no problem.

On the plane I have had to have the buckle all the way to the end to make it fit.  In 2009 I was close to needing an extender to make it work.  This year I had to cinch it up to make it snug.

These all sound like small things.  But I found that not fitting into seats, rides and seat belts to be hard to deal with.  Feels like there is a big neon sign overhead that is pointing to me saying "Fat Girl Here!".  Felt good to see the improvement in these areas since it has been hard to see the improvements in the mirror.  I have been working on seeing the positive and all of these things are positives and I'm putting them in the win column.

Week of June 22-Jun 28, 2015

I did a trail run/hike that turned out pretty good.  I ran a large portion of it, including hills and got to explore a new trail.  Ended up with 8 miles with an average pace of 15'14" which I was very happy about.  We started the hike at a little after 6:00 a.m.  This makes for beautiful morning pictures.

My next trail run/hike felt crappy but I pushed through and I got to go with my husband and my son so that made it fun.  They are my two favorite guys so getting to spend the morning with them was a blast.

Sunday, June 28th we were in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho to cheer on our good friends Josh and Wendie for the Ironman.  It was Joe, Meighan and I and then our friends Kristy, Faylene and Betsy hanging out to support these two.  Wendie's parents were also there to support their daughter.  It awesome to be there for them, they are always the biggest support for everyone around them.  It was fun to be able to do the same for them for an event this big.

Road Trip!!  Spectators Extraordinaire!

It was hot.  It was ridiculously hot.  It was 105 degrees hot.  It was Josh's third Ironman, he has successfully completed Arizona and Coeur d'Alene in the past.  It was Wendie's first attempt. Wendie complete rocked the swim and started out on the bike strong.  Josh was about 30 minutes behind Wendie by the time he finished the swim and was heading out on the bike.  We anticipated that he would catch up with Wendie before the halfway point of the bike ride.  The next time we say them they were together.  They were smiling and waving at us and Wendie even got us wet with a water bottle.  Silly lady!  It was good to see them, even if it's for a little bit.  By this time the temperature was over 100 and it was just after 12:00 p.m.  The bike portion of the event has no shade at all so the heat coming off the pavement had to make it feel even hotter.

We decided to go swim in Lake Coeur d'Alene and then come back to see them pass after doing the short loop as they headed out for the last portion of the bike.  When we came back to our chairs and coolers and then headed to where we could spectate, we say Josh and Wendie walking their bikes towards us.

They called it done.

It wasn't their day.

They are AMAZING!

I can't even begin to tell you how proud I am of both of them.  The training they put in.  The things they had to adjust in their relationship because both of them were putting in the intense training.  The emotional aspect of nerves and stress that come with something this big.  The ability to know when it's time to stop and still feel good about the fact that they gave 100% right up to that point.  I'm in tears right now thinking about it because all of it is so freaking inspiring and I want to be just like them when I grow up!!

We spent the afternoon hanging out in their hotel room (they wanted us there, we weren't invading their space, I promise) drinking adult beverages and doing a lot of laughing.

Later we all went to dinner, which involved a lot more laughing.  Then we headed down to the chute to watch the finishers.

If you have never watched the World Championship at Kona, Hawaii on TV or have never been to an Ironman event you are missing out.  The chute at the end is The. Place. To. Be.  It is a party.  It's an all day party from the moment the first pro finishes until the last Ironman crosses the finish line.  Even after the official time is over, they still party and cheer on people that are coming in.  There is loud music, cheering, cowbells, hugging, laughter and crying.  I spend most of my time in the chute in tears as I watch how people finish.  Some run as fast as they can to the finish line.  Others high five people in the stands the whole way down.  Some stop and search frantically for their loved ones.  When they find them, their eyes light up and they run over to get hugs.  Usually there is laughing and crying involved.  Some people do a little dance, or pump their hands in the air, or walk down the chute with tears pouring down their face.  They are amazing!  Inspiring!  An Ironman is amazingly difficult on a regular day.  A day with extreme temperatures that were experienced on this day makes it even more difficult.

The best finish of the night was Major Scott Smiley.  We had been following his progress all day and watching him finish was incredible.  Just about everyone in the stands was cheering and crying at the same time.  Major Smiley is legally blind because of being injured in Iraq.  He is still an active duty officer.  He did the Ironman with his brother-in-law who was his guide through the entire event.  So they are both amazing!!  Here's a story about how they prepared for the event.  Major Scott Smiley Story  I love it because it talks about Smiley, his wife and his brother-in-law.  It shows how doing an Ironman isn't an individual effort and in this case that was even more true.  Here's a quick recording I did while in the chute when Major Smiley was finishing.

On a side note I decided to do a short run while we were in-between spectating opportunities.  I decided to just go two miles, not use my inhaler and push it as hard as I could in the heat.  It was about 90 degrees when I started.  (My favorite temperature to run in is about 54 degrees.  Anything over 65 and I consider that hot).  I don't run well in the hot but I'm trying to get more accustomed to it so that I can be more successful at the Cascade Relay in August.

I had to stop a couple of times to drink water and catch my breath but I did really well for me during a hot run.

I have a nice "glow" going here.  

The pace was my current pace when I stopped.  Yay!

My splits for the run.  Double Yay!

Not Ironman impressive but definitely Lisa impressive.  I had an average pace of 12'14, which is pretty good for me on a regular run, and my second mile was 11'58"!  So I had negative splits and a mile that was under 12 minutes which I haven't done in a really long time.  Must have been all the inspiration I was breathing in.

I'll be spending the next month working on getting ready for Cascade Lakes Relay but also will be keeping the swimming going and adding in the bike.

Feeling like progress is being made.  Still in small increments but when you put all those small victories together they start building up into a big pile.  Change takes time and as long as I'm heading in the right direction then I will focus on the positive.  Do I want big things?  Yes!  Am I willing to work for them?  Yes!  Does life sometimes get in the way?  Yes!  Does that keep me from going for it again?  No!

Still have a lot of work to do but am proud of the journey I am on, the successes I have had, the people who have supported me from the start, and the new friends I have made along the way.  I'm even proud of the failures and hard times because they have taught me a lot about myself.  All that learning can be applied to future aspirations.  :-)

Sorry this was so long.  So much going on and so little time to share about it.  Had to get all caught up on all the goings on and just could bear to skip anything.  Lots of fun happening!  

Keep Moving Forward

What a year it has been!  I have learned a lot.  Had struggles and setbacks.  Had victories and successes.  Been blessed continuously by long time friends and family.  Been blessed to gain new friends.  Overall it has been a very good year.

When I started this blog on New Year's Eve it was for me.  I thought that by writing out my frustrations and successes it might help me through the process of becoming a healthier me.  I also figured if anyone actually read it then I would be kept accountable because someone would be looking to see what I was up to most.  I also wanted to be an encouragement for people like me who are working on getting healthy.  Sometimes it is just nice to know there is someone else out there who is going through what you are going through.  Somehow it makes it feel less like you are going through things alone.

In 2013 I ran in one 3K, one 10K, one 15K, four Half Marathons, one Relay race, three 5Ks, one 3.75 Turkey Trot and one Sprint Triathlon.  I participated in an organized event every month except for March, June and September.

January

• Hangover Run-3K-28:30, Average pace: 15'19"
• Cascade 10K-1:27:41, Average pace: 14'07"

February

• Shamrock Run 15K-2:11:06, Average pace 14'07"

April

• Corvallis Half Marathon-2:54:43, Average pace 13'21"
• Eugene Half Marathon-2:51:22, Average pace 13'05"

May

• No Limits Fun Run 5K-33:56, Average pace 10'54"

July

• Take Me Out to the Ballpark 5K-41:43, Average pace 13'25"

August

• Cascade Lakes Relay
• Leg 1-7.5 miles, average pace 12'46"
• Leg 2-5.3 miles, average pace 15'00"
• Leg 3-2.09 miles, average pace 13'32"

October

• Last Chance Sprint Triathlon
• Swim (750 yards) 27:42
• Transition 1 6:07
• Bike (12.5 miles) 57:24
• Transition 2 3:26
• Run (5K) 38:28
• Total Time: 2:13:05
• Runaway Pumpkin Half Marathon 2:47:31, average pace 12'47"

November

• Silver Falls Half Marathon 3:28:42 Average pace 15'55"
• Turkey Trot-3.75 miles 44:02 Average pace 11'54"

December

• Ugliest Christmas Sweater Run/Walk 5K Not a timed event.  :-)  

Wow!  I am looking at that list and I have to say that I'm proud of all I have accomplished this past year.  Not every run was good.  Many training runs were bad and many races were just plain awful.  But I did them.

I was looking through my information on my Nike+ app and decided to look at where I started and see if there was any difference between the beginning year of running and this year.  In 2010 I started running in June (barely running, more like wheezing, pain, life-threatening attempts to round the track). In July of that year I got the Nike+ sensor for my shoes and began tracking the numbers.

Year One-The Beginning 2010

 Year Two-2011

Year Three-2012

Year Four-The Current Year

I was a very happy camper today when I got home from my hike and knew that I had reached my goal for getting 700 miles in one year.  So much fun to do it with a hike with a good friend.  Since I'm usually a solitary runner because of my speed (or lack thereof) I enjoying hiking with friends and getting the social part in.  :-)  That has been something I have enjoyed a great deal this past year as well.

I met a lot of my goals for the year.  I didn't come close to others.  Made progress towards figuring out the tired problem, although not quite in the way I wanted.  I lost 38 pounds in one year.  That is a little over a half a pound a week.  Not the results I was hoping to get considering the amount of miles I put in.  I want the outside to reflect the inside and all the effort I'm putting in.  Everyone from my husband and my doctor to my friends and co-workers assure me that I'm heading in the right direction.  That's fine but I would like to be heading there a little bit faster.  I still feel like I'm on the stupid treadmill and going nowhere fast!  Ugh!  I thought when I started getting active three and a half years ago that I would get into shape and lose weight and get all sorts of energy.  Life was going to be awesome if I could just get past the first few months.  I am no where close to where I thought I would be by now.  Sometimes it's very hard to look in the mirror and still see the fat girl.  And I know that makes my friends and family mad at me but that's what I still see.  Yes, I have changed this past year, yes, I have made progress.  I realize that.  But I'm still obese.  I'm still fat.  I am still a very long way from where I want to be.  There are times when I wonder if I'm ever going to be able to look in mirror and see the healthy person I want to be.  Seems very elusive at times.  At this point I have to keep making goals and moving forward because going back to where I was is not an option.

Goals for 2014:

1. Run the Hangover Run with an average pace of under 12 minute miles.  
2. Run 1000 miles during the year.  
3. Do an Olympic Triathlon.
4. Ride at least 50 miles in the Tour de Cure.
5. Do a 5K in 30 minutes.
6. Do a half marathon with an average pace of under 12 minute miles.  
7. Lose 50 pounds.
8. Learn how to eat to accommodate my pre-diabetes and gluten intolerance.

Some of those goals are going to be very doable.  Some of those goals are reaching.  But I figure I have to try, that's what goals are for.

This is my favorite scene from the movie "Meet the Robinsons"  I watched it with my 6th graders last week and it was a good reminder of what I need to do.  Quit focusing on what I see as failures and realize that I learn from the unsuccessful times to get better for the successful times.



2013 was about committing, really committing to becoming a healthier me.  No more wishy washy, half-assed efforts.

2014 is about moving forward.  Even though things haven't gone like I envisioned and I haven't met many of the goals I thought I would by now I am going to keep moving forward.  Now I get to take the foundation I have made this past year and do even better.  I can't wait to see where I'm at at the end of the year.

Before I finish off the year I want to say thank you to a few people that have helped me this past year.

• Thank you to all my family who have encouraged me this past year.  Brothers and sisters, sisters-in-law (Teresa, you rock!) and all of my parents.  And many other cousins, aunts and uncles and distant relations that have liked posts and said good job along the way.  Every single time it has made me smile.  
• Thank you to my friends and co-workers.  Aren't I lucky to have co-workers that are friends?  Both from old jobs and current jobs I have a lot of people that I am surrounded by at work who have been super encouraging and supportive as I try to balance out my life and my health.  
• Thank you to all the people who have patiently read my silly little blog and have been interested in what I am up to.   Seems weird to me that people actually read what I'm up to and are interested.  :-)   
• Thank you to my kids.  My two older kids just think that it is a given that I will do what I set out to do.  That is an amazing gift to have that unwavering belief directed at me.  You two rock!  Miss Meighan gets a big Thank you as the youngest of the kids because she is the one living with the day to day craziness that is her mother.  And she goes out and does hikes and triathlons with me.  I'm looking forward to many years of events to share with you!  
• Thank you to the Dwayne and Faylene.  Faylene is my bestie and was the first one to say "You got this" when I started on the running journey three and a half years ago. Never once have you and Dwayne been anything less than super supportive!  Joe and I treasure your friendship!  
• Thank you to the new friends in my life Josh, Wendie and Betsy.  Wow!  What an amazing addition to my life, right when I needed it.  You are all amazing and you are now stuck with me!  Thanks for all the advice and support this past year.  Betsy, especially this past month as I wrap my head around a new lifestyle.  You guys rock!
• My biggest thank you is to my amazing husband Joe.  Wow!  Can't do any of this without you.  Thank you honey for being my biggest cheerleader.  Knowing that you believe in me has made all the difference.  Can't quit when I know you are there to help me through!  You never make me feel inadequate or that my accomplishments are less than yours.  That is an amazing gift from anyone, it's extra special when it's from my partner in life!  I love you!!!