My Best Friend

I am 46 years young.  I have been with my husband for 26 years as husband and wife, one year as an engaged couple and six months as boyfriend and girlfriend.  That's 27 years of togetherness.  I remember thinking on our wedding day that there was no way I could love this man more than I did at that day.  Boy was I wrong!

I'm not saying it was all easy and lovey-dovey the entire time.  If someone does then I would have to question their truthfulness.  There has been lots of tears, angry words, door slamming, silent treatment and learning that has happened over the 27 1/2 years we have been together.  (And no, it wasn't just me doing those things.)  There has also been more joy, laughter, long talks, long walks and happiness then I could have ever imagined.

This man is my very best friend in the entire world.  I love him more today then I did at our wedding. He knows me better than anyone else in the world and he still wants to be here, with me.  How cool is that? He has loved me when I was a super skinny twig of a girl.  He has loved me when I was great with child and felt as beautiful as a walrus stuck on the beach.  He has loved me when stress and my inability to handle it in a healthy way caused me to gain weight (several times off and then on again).

I have seen plenty of people that can't make it work in their marriage.  Sometimes for reasons outside of their control, sometimes for being unwilling to make changes or sacrifices in order to make it work and sometimes because they may not have chosen well to begin with.  Whatever the reason, it reminds me that marriage is NEVER something to be taken lightly, no matter how long you have been at it.

Joe and I are a team.  We support each other.  When he was a farmer I learned to be a farmers wife.  When he was volunteering at the Turner Fire Department and going to school to become a firefighter I went out and got a job so that he could do that with less stress.  When I wanted to change jobs so that I could be home with the kids when they weren't in school he supported that even though it meant less money coming in than the full time job I had.  When I wanted to become a teacher, which meant a lot of schooling and school loans, he totally supported me.  When he started running and then doing triathlons I was (and still am) his biggest fan! When I started running too he didn't care how it changed my shape or size, he cared that it changed my health.  When he wanted to try doing an Ironman Triathlon I was excited and did what I could to make it easier to get in the long trainings he would need without worrying about what needed to be done at home.  When I needed to get my Master's degree to keep my teaching license he totally kept me sane while I tried to balance being a mom, wife, teacher and student.

One of the beautiful things about getting married young is that we figured out how to make it work together.  It wasn't a case of me doing my thing and him doing his and somehow we had to figure out how to accommodate each other. It was more about learning how to make our things work together.  We are a team.  His stuff is my stuff and vise-versa.  It may sound basic but it makes such a difference.

The last five years as I have worked towards become a healthier me have been frustrating.  (I may have mentioned that a time or two before.) If I have mentioned it here often then you can only imagine how often my poor husband has to hear it.  Sometimes he has kicked me in the ass when I start the Woe is Me routine.  Other times he has just held me why I have cried.  Usually it's just what I need when I need it.

April 10, 2010 - Joe became an Engineer for the Corvallis Fire Department.

November 25, 2010 - Disney World with the kids.

May 1, 2011- Eugene Half Marathon, my first half. 

Joe took the day off so that he could be there for my first half marathon. I don't think he has any idea how much that meant to me that he would make that kind of effort to support me. He took pictures of me along the way and made me feel like I was a rock star.  

July 21, 2012 - Ballantyne Family Campout - Cape Lookout.

January 1, 2013 - Hangover Run 

January 23, 2013 - Top of Bald Hill.  

April 23, 2013 - Eugene Half Marathon.  My first half under three hours.  :-)

June 24, 2013 - Ironman Coeur D'Alene

Going through the experience of Joe training for an Ironman was a testament to being able as a couple to find balance in what he needed to get done to be ready and what I needed to get done to keep things running so that he could workout.  Watching him do the race and being there to cheer him on was such an incredible experience.  I can't even begin to describe all the emotions that you go through watching the person you love the most working that hard.  He kicked ass. :-)

Then that next fall he watched me do my first triathlon.  It was a sprint triathlon call the Last Chance Triathlon put on by the local swim club.  Joe was there, taking pictures and going to different parts of the course to cheer me on.  It may not have been an Ironman but he supported me as if it was.  Meighan also did this race, it was her second triathlon.  I love that Joe was there for both of us.  

I remember being on the bike and seeing Joe and Betsy pulled over by the railroad tracks and they were whooping and hollering like I was going for the gold in the Olympics.  lol  

October 13, 2013 - Last Chance Sprint Triathlon, my first tri, Meighan's second.

October 19, 2013 - Runaway Pumpkin Half Marathon, another PR for me.  

November 2, 2013 - Silver Falls Half Marathon

Are you seeing a trend in these pictures? I am!  We are adventuring and we are laughing and we are together.  If nothing else, it has been worth every run, every workout and every struggle on this journey because I'm part of the adventures instead of just a spectator.  We don't do all the same events and we definitely don't do them together because of the difference in our speeds.  However, we are there, participating, making memories and having fun.  I LOVE this part of my journey!

I talked my husband into doing the Tinkerbell Half Marathon at Disneyland in January 2014.  He ran the entire thing with me.  It was fun running through the parks.  It was fun spending the weekend at Disneyland with Joe and our friends Josh and Wendie.  As far as how I did at the race, it was a horrible pace and I didn't feel very good because of a medication I was taking.  But when I look at these pictures I just remember the fun of the experience.  Worth it all!

January 19, 2014 - Tinkerbell Half Marathon, Disneyland

I was in my first year of my Master's degree program and at this point Joe was doing a lot of the supporting me while I did homework.  Kind of like how I supported him during Ironman training only longer, and worse.  We continued to hike and have mini adventures.  

July 23, 2014 - The Pinnacles near Crater Lake.  

July 26, 2014 - Tour de Cure bike ride.  I went 43 miles, Joe did 100!

The Tour de Cure was a HUGE challenge for me.  I wasn't really as ready as I should have been.  Too much work and homework, not enough bike riding.  I was really, really, really nervous.  But then I always get really, really, really nervous before I do something for the first time.  I'm pretty sure I look like I'm on the verge of having a panic attack.  I was like that for my first 5k, 10k, half marathon, sprint triathlon....see the pattern?  Joe did the 100 miler with Betsy to support her in her first 100 mile bike ride.  She kicked ass!  Josh and Wendie rode with me for most of the ride.  It was a challenge for me but I knew I would get it done, one way or the other.  You know why?  Because Joe knew I would and told me so.  So I did.  :-)

November 1, 2014 - Silver Falls Trail Run.  I did the 7 miler this time, Joe did the Half Marathon.

This was a fun day.  I didn't do very well as far as running.  I hadn't run since summer.  This was about making sure my attitude started pointing in the right direction.  I was there, I was with people I love and I was doing something. All great things.  

January 1, 2015 - Hangover Run

The Hangover Run = LOTS of laughter!

At this point in my Masters I was reaching the most stressful part of the program. I had decided after the Silver Falls run that I would just hike every weekend and not worry about running until I was done with school.  This was really hard for me.  I felt like I was letting Joe down.  He quickly squashed that notion and pointed out that if running was the thing that had to be let go for awhile in order to make things work then it was fine.  As long as I got back at it when I was done with school.  :-)

He was getting ready to do his second Ironman but usually worked it out to make his run coincide somehow with my hike.  Either he ran side trails and met up with me on various parts of the main trail or he would run ahead and then come back and finish walking with me.  That way we got some together time but he also got the workout he needed in.  

January 27, 2015 - Hiking up to Dimple Hill with Bailey

Joe decided to do a trail run at the beach on Valentines Day.  Meighan and I decided to go along and do the shorter run.  We both got lost. She did a really short run and I did one about a mile longer than I was supposed to.  lol  Joe, of course, kicked ass.  :-)

February 14, 2015 - I love this picture of Joe and his little girl.  :-)

Suddenly it was April and I was done with my practicum and was just waiting for my graduation to be "official".  What a relief! I literally could not have done it without Joe supporting me along the way.  Especially during the many mini breakdowns I had during my practicum. I was pretty sure I was not going to make it.  Joe was pretty sure I would. 

As soon as I was done we swapped roles and I was now supporting him as he ramped up his Ironman training.  Except that he took a week off of his training to go with me and Meighan to DC/NYC for Meighan's 8th grade trip.  That's love right there!  Giving up a week of training to spend it with a bus full of 8th graders?  Wow!  But we had a good time, Meighan loved it and we did a LOT of walking.

June 20, 2015 - New York City

Suddenly it is time for Ironman Canada and the whole family is loaded into the car and we are heading north.  I loved being there with him for the days leading up to the race.  We got to check out the routes and run some of the trails he would be doing during the race.  I was worried that he needed to be doing a faster run and it was stressing me out.  He made it very clear that he was running as fast as he needed or wanted to go.  He wanted to run with me and I wasn't slowing him down.  I didn't get to worry about it anymore.  Yes sir!

July 20, 2015 - Ironman Canada pre-race trail run.  We didn't see any bears! :-( 

July 25, 2015 - Olympic Village, Whistler, Canada

July 26, 2015 - Ironman Canada!  I LOVE this picture! Transition from bike to run.  

July 27, 2015 - Heading home from Canada.  Taking a moment to check out the view.

I'm seeing a pattern.  Joe does an Ironman and then later does some crazy run with me.  This time we did a run in a vineyard and I made everyone purple tutus to wear.  He was a good sport about it.  lol  I thought he looked awesome.  :-)

August 22, 2015 - Wicked Wine Run

November 26, 2015 - Thanksgiving Day Run.  

December 26, 2015 - Hike with Dwayne, Faylene and Zach.  We found snow!

I know this is a lot of pictures and really only from the last five years.  These last few posts I have done have been fun for me to put together.  Looking through all the pictures and fun adventures has been a kick.  With each of the kids I was able to really see how much they have supported me in my journey.  How cool is that to have three young people who already know how to be supportive and encouraging?

Joe is the one, however, who really gets to see the not fun side of the struggle.  The tears and frustrations.  The wanting to quit and then being mad that I want to quit.  There are have been moments of frustration from him about my difficulty in seeing my own progress.  Only your husband can actually get angry because you are doing well and can't see it.  

Twenty six years of marriage on January 5, 2016.  We have been through a lot.  Fifteen years on a farm.  Three amazing children.  Joe starting a new career, moving to a new city, me going to school and then starting a new career, getting healthy, getting active, doing an Ironman (oh wait, two!), me going to school again and doing all the day to day things that happen in-between the adventures.  

Joe, I can never ever begin to tell you how much I love this journey we are on together.  No matter what has happened in our life we have gone through it as a team.  It isn't always easy or pretty but it always get done.  The love I felt for you as a 20 year old young woman does not even hold a candle to what I feel for you today.  I know my heart was full then so it has just continued to grow to accommodate all the blessings that have been added along the way.  You think I can do things that I think are crazy.  Actually you know I can do things and I think you are crazy, until I do them.  I really believe that there are things I have done and gotten through only because you knew I would.  

I love how we laugh.  I love how you smack my ass as I walk by and embarrass the kids.  I love that you know just how to handle all my tears, the sad ones, the mad ones and the joyful ones. I love how sometimes we talk about everything and nothing.  I love how sometimes just being in the same room doing our own thing is enough.  I love how you insisted you didn't want a dog but let me get one anyway and then completely love her to pieces (because you are a big softie!)  The list could go on and on but basically it comes down to this:

I love you!

Thank you for loving me too!

Terrific Taylor :-)

There is a young man who gave me the best job I have ever had.  He made me a mom.  His sisters eventually came along and added to the job description which became fuller and more then I could even imagine.  But Taylor is the one who started it all.

Sometimes I feel sorry for him because he was the one I had to do a lot of figuring out the whole parenting thing with.  But then I realize that since each of my kids is so different I was (and still am) figuring out the whole parenting thing with each of them.

One of the highlights of my journey has been my families support of me.  I have worried that I'm an embarrassment to my children. Taylor has stomped all over that notion many times. He sounds very much like his dad when I'm down on myself.

This kiddo was full into high school when I went to OSU to get my Bachelor's degree so I could become a teacher.  My motivation for taking a ridiculous number of credits every term was so that I could not be in school when he was a senior.

January 10, 2010 - Taylor's Junior year and first formal dance.

When I look at this picture I have two reactions.  The first is Oh My God I look so FAT! Then I calm myself down and look at the fact that my awesome son is giving me a huge hug and loving on me.  And he was a 17 year old young man so it that makes it even better.  A lot of 17 year old young men would not be willing to hug on their momma or would be embarrassed by them.  So work on focusing on the big smiles and love in this picture, instead of my size.

November 25, 2010 - Last "Everyone is required to attend" family vacation to Disney World

This picture shows his silly side which I adore!  We wanted to have one last trip where all the kids were living at home and had to go with us.  Taylor got the biggest vote in where we should go and he and his sisters decided on Disney World.  Fun for the whole family at all age levels. :-)  We had a fantastic time.

I had been running for about six months and was losing some weight so I was feeling pretty good.  I was working a temporary job as a Language Arts teacher during this time.  When that job ended I had the opportunity to take over a class of students that where difficult (that's putting it lightly).  :-)  I had seen the behaviors of these kids during my other temporary job and I knew I could do it but I was concerned about the amount of energy it would take.  It was Taylor's Senior year and I didn't want to be so focused on a group of kids at work that Taylor didn't get the attention he should for all his Senior activities.  I sat him down and talked to him about it and wanted his input on making the decision.  I knew I could keep very busy substitute teaching so I wasn't worried about working.  I still remember Taylor giving me a big hug and telling me that he thought I should go for it because "those kids really need you Mom!"  Wow. It's pretty humbling to have a kid that has that much belief in me!

Taylor moved out of the house in the summer of 2013 which was weird.  Not having him and his sister Bri around was very strange at first.  I was excited for them both but I have to admit I missed them terribly.  Still do on occasion but I have gotten used to the new normal.  Luckily they both stop by often which makes my mom heart happy.

November 3, 2013 - Taylor stopped by Meighan's swim meet to cheer for her and to give me a birthday present.  :-)

December 25, 2013 - Christmas with my boy!

The last few years Taylor has had a job that was the night shift on the weekends.  Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights for 12 hours. This made it difficult to participate in family adventures or just adventures of his own.  But last year we managed to drag him along on a few activities.

January 1, 2015 - Hangover Run. Taylor did the Beer Mile as well.  So much laughing!!

June 26, 2015 - Top of Dimple Hill with my two favorite guys!

In July we took another big family vacation.  I was ridiculously excited because this time two of the kiddos were invited to come but didn't have to go.  They both wanted to go.  We went to Whistler, Canada to watch Joe do his second Ironman.  Road trip, visit to cousins house along the way, exploring new places and general hilarity were the order of the week.  Not to mention all of us getting to support and encourage Joe as he did another epic race.  Taylor and Bri got to spend some time getting to know Josh & Wendie which was fun for me.  They also got very inspired.  It's hard not to be around Ironman activities and not get inspired.  When it's your dad kicking ass I think it's even better.  It was so much fun having the kids along for the adventure.

July 24, 2015 - Doing some Ironman route recon with Dad 

July 26, 2015 - Seeing Dad off in the morning of Ironman Canada.

Taylor and I were talking about all that his dad has accomplished and how wicked awesome it was that he was doing the Ironman. I said something to the effect of how I could never do something that epic and Taylor looked at me and said, "That is so not true, you could totally do an Ironman!"  And he meant it.  It's hard to not start thinking about possibilities when you have someone who believes in you like that.  Not saying I'm going to do an Ironman anytime soon. But I certainly know that I would have the best support team ever if I did.  :-)

August 8, 2015 - Hanging out with my three favorites.

August 20, 2015 - Hiking adventures with Dad and the Gums

August 28, 2015 - Having new adventures.  First time to Mary's Peak for both of us!  

Taylor and I have had some great talks on our hikes.  It is interesting as a mom to hear what my son thinks of my journey and how it has gone.  I often focus on the difficulties and the struggles.  Taylor only seems to think I'm kicking ass.  He is proud of me and the fact that I haven't given up and that I am making progress, even if I am frustrated that it's slow.

Once I went back to work for the school year it got harder to do hikes with Taylor.  His work schedule and mine do not mesh well.  He did get a few adventures in with his dad which I loved because he really enjoys being active and weird, he likes hanging out with his parents!

In November Taylor made a scary, difficult decision to quit his job.  The work schedule was difficult and because he was tired all the time and was missing out on spending time with friends and family on the weekends he finally reached the point where the money wasn't worth the struggle.  I was proud of him for making the leap into the unknown.

We got a few adventures while he was in the transition between old job and new job.  It took him a whole four days to get the new job.  lol  It doesn't pay as well but he loves it, it hasn't better hours that are way more flexible and will accommodate his school schedule so that he can get his degree finished up.

November 25, 2015 - Pre-Thanksgiving Day hike.  Bald Hill with Mary's Peak in the background.

November 26, 2015 - Thanksgiving Day run! It was COLD!  

On Thursday December 17th we went to the opening night of Star Wars: The Force Awakens.  I was pretty tickled that my kids WANTED to go see it with me and Joe.

December 17, 2015 - In line for Star Wars, got tickets ready! The whole family plus one awesome friend.  

December 17, 2015 - Festive Star Wars sweater.  It was perfect!

December 17, 2015 - SO MUCH FUN WITH MY FAMILY!

Our next adventure is the 2016 Hangover Run.  This year all three of the kids will be along for the fun.  I can't wait!

Taylor!  You have always had no doubt that I can do anything I set my mind to do.  It's a bit scary and overwhelming as a mom to have a child who has such faith in me.  I thought that as you got older that  once you saw the real struggle that goes on behind the determination that it would disappoint you.  Or that it was so slow would make you think I wasn't trying hard. Instead it seems to have made you more proud of me.  Who knew?  :-)

Some of the things I am thinking of tackling scare the crap out of me.  But if you are willing to quit a secure income job and make big changes even though they scare the crap out of you then I better step up and do the same.  Even if I fall flat on my face I know that you will be there cheering me on and making me laugh.

Thanks for being one of my biggest encourager's!  I am so grateful that we get to share adventures together.  Looking forward to many, many more!

I LOVE YOU!!

Beautiful Bri

I am blessed with two beautiful daughters.  I shared in my last blog about my baby girl who has been joining me on many of my adventures the last few years.  This time I want to share my beautiful oldest daughter Bri.

Not only has this amazing young lady been a joy and delight since the day she was born, she has a heart that is bigger than, well anything I can imagine.  When she laughs it is totally contagious and I have spent her entire life laughing with her whether I knew what she thought was funny or not.

There were many times when she was in high school and I was going to OSU getting my teaching degree that I felt so fat and ugly.  I was pretty sure that my children had to be so embarrassed to be seen with me in public.  Bri used to get so mad at me because all she saw was her pretty mom.  One of the reasons I finally wanted to get my act together was because I wanted to feel as pretty as my daughter thought I looked.

I graduated from OSU in June of 2009 and that same day Bri and I left for her 8th grade trip to Washington D.C and New York City.  We had a great time and I loved getting to share the experience with my girl.  However, it was so hard to look at the picture of the two of us when I got home.  That was when I first really started to think about the fact that something needed to change.  I didn't really get going with action to go along with that thought for another year.  But at least I was starting to think about it.  You have to start somewhere and with me it usually starts in my head for a long time.  I tend to "percolate" on things for awhile.

June 2009 - Me & Bri at Monticello, home of Thomas Jefferson

June 2009 - Me & Bri in Times Square, NYC

I am so thankful to have a daughter who is so much fun to hang out with and be silly with!!

She was very busy in high school with choir, swimming and track.  It seemed like we were always heading out to some event or practice or meet.  Watching her be active and having fun made me want to be active and having fun too.  It is pretty overwhelming and a bit humbling to be learning from my own kiddo about how to have an active lifestyle and enjoy it.  Whenever I would get frustrated and feel like I wasn't making any progress, running in place and getting nowhere fast, she was one of the first ones to give me a giant Bri hug and assure me that I was doing awesome!  And if you have ever been the recipient of a giant Bri hug then you know how amazing they are!!  Such encouragement and love in a hug.

As we went through her high school years I was working on my running, teaching and trying to keep up the everyone in the family and all their activities.

Bri is a interesting combination of introvert and extrovert.  She mostly likes to snuggle in and read a book and be alone...until she doesn't.  Then look out because she is a hilarious, bright, outrageous young lady that will keep you on your toes with her insights and killer wit.  The summer before her senior year she went on her first missions trip with her youth group.  Let the adventuring begin.  It was hard to let her go off to Haiti without me.  I wanted to go along and make sure she was safe the entire time.  But that's not how adventures work so I had to let her go and she had an amazing time, actually it was a trip that solidified many things for Bri and her future plans.

July 28, 2012 - Bri getting ready to leave on her 1st Missions trip.  First of many!

Then suddenly it is my girls senior year and I'm struggling to balance my job, doing all the senior mom stuff, being tired all the time and getting exercise worked in there somewhere.

August 2012 - Senior pictures taken by Aunt Michelle.  

Bam!  Bri is graduating and making excited plans to start a program with Northwest University which will be the first step in becoming a missionary.  Now I'm facing the reality that two of my children are moving out and starting an entirely new adventure at pretty much the same time.  I can't even imagine not having Bri in the house every day.  That was a very strange thing for awhile!

Then in the fall of 2013 at one of my doctor visits where we were looking at my most recent blood tests and discussing my tired issues a new little issue came about.  Pre-diabetes and the knowledge that my family history and the pre-diabetes indicators going up even when my weight was going down and my exercise was improving meant that it probably isn't a matter of if I get diabetes but when.  Ugh.  New medication and new things to work through emotionally.  Later that spring Bri went in for her own doctor appointment.  We have the same doctor and because of the family history he checked her blood work as well.  Turns out her pre-diabetes indicators were also higher than they should be.  This was REALLY hard for me.  I felt responsible and so guilty for inflicting this on my sweet girl.  On the plus side I was glad that she was working with the doctor and a nutritionist and making changes while she was 19 rather than when she was 44 like her mother.


Once again my Bri was nothing but amazing and when I would have one of my mini mom meltdowns she would remind me that it wasn't like I did it on purpose.  It's just the way it worked out and we were both figuring it out.  I thought the mom was supposed to be the one that was wise and supportive.  Evidently I'm backwards in so many things that this should just be added to the list. :-)

November 10, 2013 - OSU Men's Soccer game.  Bri has become a soccer fanatic!

2014 was a rough year for me and I went through a lot of struggles on my journey to becoming a healthier me.  The medication wasn't fun at first, some family members and a good friend went to be with Jesus and I had some adjustments to make in how I felt about my exercising and what it looked like vs. what I thought it should look like.

Every time I would try something new or be amazed by the fact that I actually accomplished a goal I had set for myself Bri would just laugh at me.  She actually has gotten made at me for doubting myself.  It makes me laugh sometimes because she is so much like her dad when she is lecturing me about how I need to believe in myself more.

Last spring I started thinking about what I want to do next to challenge myself.  Actually, I think of it as "scare the shit out of myself, why do I think I can do these things?" goals.  I often wonder why I do this to myself.  Evidently I'm not content with just the same thing all the time.  :-)

I decided that I wanted to try and do an Olympic triathlon.  But the one major obstacle to doing an Olympic triathlon and not be so slow that I would be embarrassed was the swimming.  I can work on the biking and running on my own and improve.  But the swimming was not going to get better unless I learned how to actually swim better.  Like an athlete.  Like a competitive athlete.  I was able to kind of work through doing a sprint triathlon swim with my basic swimming abilities but to swim almost a mile, in open water, would take a whole different level of ability.  A level that I just don't have.

Who do I know that is a swimmer, knows how to coach swimmers and would have time to give me lessons?  You guessed it!  Bri.  :-)

Bri started giving me lessons last July after I got out of school.  We have done 30 minute swim lessons about once a week ever since then.  We missed a few lessons here and there because of my crazy schedule or hers. But overall it has been pretty consistent.

July 8, 2015 - First swim lesson from Bri.  Whew, I was tired!

Bri is such a great coach!  She has put up with my frustration at not being better faster.  She has pushed me harder than I wanted sometimes.  But then I did better than I thought I could, just like she knew I would.  I joke a lot that she is secretly trying to kill me with her workouts.  Mostly because she makes me really, really tired.  But I know that she is helping me to reach my goal of doing an Olympic triathlon and maybe even bigger (and scarier goals) after that.

November 21, 2015 - My date for the OSU football game!

Bri!  You are an amazing young woman.  Watching you go after your dreams, make adjustments to the route to get them done and in general kick ass is inspiring!!  I didn't know when I became a mom how much I would learn from my own kids.  I learn from you all the time!!  Saying that you make me proud is an understatement.

Thank you so much for believing in me.  You have no idea how much that means to me.  Thank you for being my swim coach.  For us to make that work says a lot about both of us as a swimmer and a coach and a mom and daughter.  Yay us!  When I do my Olympic triathlon next summer I will make you proud!

How can I do anything but keep working at my journey with this kind of support?  :-)