Snot Rockets :-)

Snot Rockets.  Who knew?

It is a skill that becomes very important in the life of a runner.

It becomes even more important in the life of a runner who is getting over a horrible cold.

Today I blew snot rockets all over the Vineyard Loop trail.

This week was our Spring Break and I was really looking forward to a week off of work.  I had some fun things planned and some house things to catch up on.  I didn't get to do the fun things and not near enough of the house things.  I got sick.  I haven't been that sick in a really long time.  Saturday and Sunday I had a hoarse voice but otherwise felt okay.  Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I was a snotty, coughy mess.  I had no energy.  I would be sitting in my recliner and I would just fade off into sleep.  For three days this was how I was.  Ugh!!  I went through an entire box of kleenix!  Thursday and Friday have been better, more energy but still blowing and coughing.   No massage, no visit to see my sister and very little housework done.  So frustrating.

It's good that it happened during Spring Break since I didn't have to worry about sub plans and sick days.  But it really wasn't what I was hoping for my week of recharging my batteries.  Guess my body had other ideas.

Today I went for a hike with Joe.  He had a long run and so we started off together with plans to coordinate at a certain junction.

I walked the first mile and a half.  I was blowing snot rockets and wasn't sure I would have the energy to run at all.

The forest floor is starting to green up and the birds are chirping.  I love the way the forest smelled today

Once I got to where it was downhill I decided to run for a bit to see how it felt.  I ran all the way to the junction where I was supposed to meet Joe and then most of the way up the steep side of the Powderhouse trail.

I almost made it to the top.  While I am trying to push myself a bit I am also working on paying attention to when my body legitimately is saying slow down.  I have decided that when my Garmin and heart rate monitor say my bpm is 170 or higher I get to walk.  (Thank you again Wendie for the Garmin and heart rate monitor!  Cool info to have!)  This seems to coordinate with when I'm really struggling to breath.  Weird, right?  lol

Didn't quite make it to the top but I came close and the last time we did this hike I couldn't run any part of the uphill on Powderhouse.  So I felt accomplished.

View to the east at the top of Powderhouse.  

View to the west at the top of Powderhouse.  

Got back to the junction where I was to meet Joe and gave myself a break.  I had been waiting a few minutes and was toying with the idea of doing Powderhouse again when I could see Joe in the trees heading my way.

He went to do the Powderhouse loop and I took off again running.  I wasn't going particularly fast but I was proud of myself for running at all considering how sick I had been and how often I was blowing snot rockets.  I also had to stop and have a couple of cough attacks.  (I need to work on those kegal exercises!  Ick, that's all I'm going to say about that.)

Joe caught up with me again and I had been running for at least a mile.  I had decided to walk when he caught me.  He wasn't quite to me when I started walking, but close enough.  :-)

I really appreciate how he is getting his workout in and still finding ways to include me.  We don't have to be together the whole time but it is fun to see each other and have spots here and there where we are talking and hanging out.

The sunshine through the trees today was amazing!

We walked a ways and then Joe took off to run to the top of a hill.  I decided to see if I could run up the hill too.  I was slower, obviously, but I made it the whole way at a decent trot.  He ran back down the hill and was going to catch up with me again.  I kept running and got quite a ways down the trail before he caught me.  My average pace at this point was around a 16'30" minute mile.  I was pretty happy with that!

I asked him about a side trail that I had spotted and he said lets do it.  We headed down the Old Growth Trail which then became the New Growth Trail.  It was really pretty.  I struggled a bit at the end of this trail with my breathing but I kept going.

When we reached the Saddle, Joe needed more miles so he was going to keep going.  I had to pick up a doggie deposit bag that Bailey had provided early in our hike.  I did that and was close to 7.5 miles so I had to go a bit farther to make sure that happened.  :-)

Overall I was pretty happy with how I did since I am not 100% yet after my cold.  It felt good to be moving.  I was very tired when I got home.  My hot shower and comfy clothes were the best thing!

Did I mention that I blew a few snot rockets?  I figure it was moving the process along a little quicker.  (At least in theory!)

This is Bailey's favorite position to sleep in my car after a hike.  I don't see how it is comfortable.  

While I didn't get the average pace under 17 minute miles it was very good for me.  Especially since that last extra trail was tougher than I had planned on.

Every week I get better and stronger.

I've got one more week of my practicum and then I will be able to start making plans for more workouts during the week.  I'm excited to have more time to do what I want and enjoy.  I am SO READY to be done with school.  (Have I mentioned that I'm ready to be done with school?)

One of my goals for this summer is to be able to do this route and run the whole damn thing.  Last summer I would have said No Way!  This spring I'm thinking Not Yet.  :-)  But I'm getting closer.

My favorite poet of all time.

I love this quote.  Especially since I am really liking myself, what I am doing and how I am doing it.  :-)

Next week will be a celebration hike.  I.  CAN'T.  WAIT!!!!

Spring Has Sprung!

I wanted to go somewhere different this week so we headed for the Oak Creek gate so we could hike Bald Hill and Mulkey Trail.  Joe showed me a different way to get to the top of Bald Hill that I hadn't done before.  He got me going in the right direction and then took off to run for a bit.  

The forest on Bald Hill is very different from the Dimple Hill.  This was more leafy trees rather than pine trees.  Everything is getting greener every week that we go out.  It's been fun watching things change week to week.  

I enjoyed the new trail and all the beauty to look at.  I stopped often to take pictures and Bailey, as always, ran and ran and ran.  I was getting closer to the top and I was stopped by two older ladies.  They wanted to know where the trail I was coming up ended up if they went down.  I told them where I had started but did let them know this was my first time on this trail.  My husband had shown me and then took off running.  They both started grinning and asked if he was the man they say with the "very bright pants?"  I laughed and said, "Yep, he's mine."  They told me he was very visible which made me laugh because I have said the exact same thing.  

 View from the top of Bald Hill 

Spring has sprung and things are greener and lots of wild flowers are starting to appear.  They seem so delicate out in the woods.  I love seeing the different flowers this time of year.  

I am fighting a cold and wasn't expecting much in the way of speed.  I did run some parts of the hike but mostly I just kept moving.  I didn't think I would do much more than 4 miles.  Joe had run on ahead again as we headed to Mulkey.  The plan was for him to run to the top and then come back until he found me.  If I decided to head to the car he would catch up with me there.  I decided to see how far I could get before he found me.  I wasn't quite to the lollipop part of the trail where it makes a loop at the top but I was close.  I asked Joe how far it was to the top and he said I had about a 1/2 mile to get to the top.  At this point I wasn't going to turn back when I'm that close to the top so I kept going.  I made it to the top.  Whew, that was a trudge.  I was tired!  Joe kept going around the loop while I walked.  I think he did three additional loops while I did one.  

I started back down the trail and decided to run.  I was slow.  Down can be as hard as up if it is steep. I was being careful because I didn't want to fall down but was moving right along.  Not super fast but considering my cold and the fact that I had already done quite a bit it was respectable.  

I think when you go slower sometimes you get to enjoy the scenery a bit more.  I enjoyed the different kind of forest this week and all the flowers and green.  We didn't get rained on at all.  The rain held off until we had gotten back to Albany, which was nice.  

I love that my husband, who is training for his second Ironman, arranges his workouts so that he can do these hikes with me.  We don't always spend the entire time on the trail together but that is totally okay.  We spend most of it together.  It's never a bad thing to spend time with your best friend.  Lucky me that my best friend is also my hubby!

My friend Wendie posted this meme this morning on her Facebook wall.  I LOVE it!  

I struggled a lot the last year but I kept moving forward.  Glad I can finally see what an accomplishment that is and be proud of myself.  

Two weeks until I am done with grad school.  Can't believe it's almost here!!  I'm so ready to be done!!!  This week is my Spring Break and I'm have a small amount of homework (comparatively) so it will be nice to relax a bit and get caught up on some things and rest.  

We are planning to try out a new hike in the Cascades next weekend.  Hoping for spectacular pictures, the view is supposed to be amazing.  

Mental Toughness

I didn't want to go hike today.  I was tired.  It had been a long week and Saturday was a very long day.  My youngest had her play this week and Saturday had two performances, a cast party and then a cast mate spending the night.   I think I got to bed around midnight.  That doesn't work too well for me.  I got up around 7:00 a.m. and let the puppy out and fed her and had just sat down when Joe got home. "Where are we hiking?" was the first thing he said.  Ugh.  I really didn't want to go.  I had convinced myself that it was okay to just bail this week.  I had a super busy week, I was tired, I had a bit of a headache and it would have been entirely justified to not go.  Also, I had to be home before noon because I had to do my last web conference for school on my last observation for practicum.   Another good reason to stay home.  How can I go hike and get home and cleaned up before I had to be online?

But suddenly I knew I needed to go.  I would be mad at myself if I didn't.  Even if it was a short hike I needed to do something.  So I got dressed and started getting my backpack ready to go.  The minute I had my running clothes on Bailey started following me around.  She was so worried that she wouldn't be able to do along.  lol

We headed out and decided to go to Dimple Hill via Upper Dan's Trail.  I have been going all the way to the bottom of the hill to Lower Dan's Trail and have never been able to find where I need to go for Upper Dan's trail.  I figured it would be a good day to check it out.

We ran down the first hill and up a ways so I got that first mile in running, but nothing more.  That was good, at least I didn't loose ground.

The reason I had been getting confused is that there was a sign for Upper Horse Tail trail and then another road to the right with no signs.  I was unwilling to go down the road because I didn't know where it would go.  Joe said it was the road that led to the junction of Lower Dan's Trail and Upper Dan's Trail. So off we went.  The road was pretty.  The forest was damp because of the rain we have had for the last couple of days and the trees are starting to get buds and leaves.  I love the smell of the forest after a good rain.

Bailey was in puppy heaven.  She ran and ran and ran and ran.  I think she went twice as far as we did.  She loves going on hikes!

We got to the junction of where the road and Upper and Lower Dan's Trails met.  So now I know where the different trails meet up.  That's a good thing.  At this point I feel like I know enough of the main roads that if I did take some random trail I would recognize something that I connect to and find my way out.

Upper Dan's Trail doesn't seem to be getting any easier.  Actually today was tougher because the last three times I have done it I have been alone.  Having Joe with me just makes it really obvious how slow I am going and how hard I am working.  He is in front of me just walking along while I trail along behind, breathing heavy and slogging along.

I said that I didn't know how he and others we know run up this stupid trail, I can barely walk up the dumb thing most days.  He said something along the lines of you just push through it, decide what you are going to do and do it one step at a time.

I said that he is much better at that kind of mental toughness.  I just can't seem to do that.  I'm better at just being mental.  lol  Joe didn't like that comment.  He told me, rather firmly, that the mental toughness that I use to be successful in grad school is the exact same mental toughness I need for pushing myself physically.  That made me think.

I have never seen them as being the same.  Getting homework done isn't the same as being able to run up a hard freaking hill with switchbacks.  At least in my mind.  I have never seen myself as having mental toughness.  Not like Joe.  When he decides he is going to do something he does it.  He makes a plan, works towards it and gets it done.  I don't think I have ever seen him not reach a goal that he is set.  From my point of view, he doesn't seem to have the frustration and self-doubt that I go through.  I'm sure he has it at some level but not anything compared to me.

That got me thinking about Mental Toughness.  What it is, who has it, how it works.   My friend Wendie spend four hours on a stationary bike today as part of her training for her Ironman.  That's badass!  I went on a hike.  I feel like that was kind of Eh, in comparison.  But there is that comparison thing again, which I have learned is very, very, very bad!  So back to what is mental toughness?  I have hiked every weekend since Christmas Break.  I haven't missed a single weekend in three months.  I am tired, I am overworked and I have WAY too much homework.  And yet I go.  And I get my homework done, I get my work done, I do what I need to do for my kids (I hope) and my husband (ditto).  So maybe I have more mental toughness than I give myself credit for.  After all, I have been working on the tired factor, weight loss and running for four years with limited results.  (Results, but not as much as I would have liked at this point.)  While that is all going on I have kept working on it, in spite of not spectacular results (small progress is still progress) and have been working on my master's degree and have been working on being trained and starting to teach a new subject (which I love!)

I have been working on not comparing myself to others, which I feel I have come a long way with.  Now I guess I need to give myself more credit for being mentally tough and being able to do more than I think I can.  Maybe when I don't have so many things to juggle it won't seem so overwhelming.  :-)

Today we ran quite a bit of the first part of the hike, walked (trudged) up Dan's Trail and then walked down the road back to the Saddle.  I was planning on running down the road and I just didn't have the energy.  I could feel those old feelings of frustration start to well up.  But I decided to stop and think about why I didn't have the energy to keep going.  After all, I hadn't gone as far as the week before.  Then it hit me.  I hadn't eaten anything before we left the house.  Because I had initially talked myself out of hiking and then changed my mind.  I quickly got ready and we left.  No fuel since dinner the night before.  No wonder I had no get up and go for the last part of our hike.  It had got up and went!

I'm glad I took the time to really reflect on why I was struggling instead of just immediately bashing myself.  I have worked really hard on that that past fall and winter and this was a good test to see if I was on the right track.  While the run/hike might not have been my most successful it was a win on many other levels.

This guy always believes I can do anything

I compared the mile on Upper Dan's Trail this week to the mile on that same stretch of trail from last week.  I was just over a minute faster this week.  Doesn't sound like much but I am happy about it.  And because of the way the numbers look at first glance it looks like an even bigger gap which makes me happy even though I know that is not the reality.  Last week was 22'04" and this week was 20'55" which at first glance looks like a two minute improvement.  Really it is a difference of 1'09" but I will take any improvement going up that hill.  Especially on a day where I wasn't feeling it at all.  Sometimes it's good to remember that any improvement is a good thing.  Going at all is a good thing.

The view looks different every week.  

Bailey loves being able to explore when we are at the top.  This trip she found a stick!

Love that my Ironman takes time out of his training to support what I'm doing.  Love my guy!!

The wind was blowing quite a bit when we got to the top so I set the leash down to put on my jacket. I left it sit there.  I didn't realize it until we were almost to the road.  Joe jogged back up to get it for me and I kept walking.  He jogged down to catch up with me.  I was going to jog the whole way down to the Saddle like I have the last few weeks but it just wasn't happening.  I could feel those frustrations coming again.  So a little self talk had to happen.  No one is making me run.  No one is expecting me to run.  The only person who is putting those expectations on me is me.  So I needed to focus on what I am getting done instead of what I think I should be getting done.  I went on a hike.  I went for more than six miles with elevation gain/loss of over 1,000 feet.  Yay me!  That's a lot more than a lot of people.

Learning to be okay with what I AM accomplishing instead of bashing myself for not getting something done that no one but me was expecting.

The trees are starting to get their leaves

The trees are starting to turn green and every week the forest looks different.  In a few weeks we will start seeing wildflowers blooming as well.

I had an interesting problem on the parts of the hike that I ran.  I was wearing my Fuel My Fire leggings that I got at Old Navy a few months ago and they kept sliding down.  Now the last time I wore them I had a running skirt over them so that could be the difference.  Or I have a smaller bum now and there was nothing to hold them up.  lol  I'm not really sure.  I recently have been noticing that my arm jiggle has gotten jigglier.  I was kind of worrying about that, but then I got to thinking.  Maybe it's jigglier because I have lost weight?  Hmmmm.  Interesting problem to have.  Definitely going to have to start lifting weights!!

Bailey was a muddy mess because even though we managed to not get rained on it had rained hard the day before and all night.  There was lots of water and mud on the trail.  She had a blast running in the ditches, around the corners on Dan's Trail and back and forth all over the place.  We went 6.4 miles and I'm pretty sure she went 12.8 miles.  lol  When we got home she had to have a bath.  Then she runs around the house like a crazy dog.  When I finally got a chance to sit and take a nap she snuggled up with me.

I continue to feel like I am making good progress in my attitude.  I have a lot going on right now and it would be really easy to just let the stress cloud everything.  The weekly hikes have been really important for me to keep things in perspective and I am proud that I haven't missed a weekend since Christmas vacation.

I had a friend that severed our friendship last summer and I didn't know why.  When I finally pushed it they told me that my comparing and frustrations were impeding their journey to wellness so they had to cut me out.  I get that.  But in the process they didn't talk to me about it and left me feeling like I must be a horrible person.  Because only a horrible person is worth cutting completely out of your life, right?  It took me awhile but I now realize that it is my friends problem not mine.  I was going through a tough time.  I am not a negative person by nature and I was struggling with several deaths of people I care about, unresolved health issues and basically I was going through some depression.  I now feel sorry that my friend felt that the only course of action was to cut me off completely instead of realizing I was going through a rough time.  Distance is understandable!  I would never want to impede someone else's journey.  However, I am a pretty awesome person to have around (most of the time).  This friend should have distanced themselves from the negative and kept the positive.  All of this is to say that I was having a great deal of self-doubt about myself as a person and a friend because of the situation and the lack of communication.  So, to quote the song, I have let it go.  It really isn't my problem at this point and the entire situation has impeded MY journey.  I know that I am a good friend.  I know that I love people.  I also know that I'm not perfect.  If people aren't willing to forgive me for going through some struggles then I guess I will have to move on.  It makes me sad but I know it is out of my control.  I'm grateful for the friendship and value it greatly.  Maybe someday we will find our way back to it.  I know I hope so.

My journey to figuring out how to be happy with who I am and where I am has been avoiding the reality of this issue for months.  It's been good for me to really examine my part in what happened and also realize it wasn't really all me.  I've forgiven myself.  Maybe someday this friend will forgive me too.

This situation has also reminded me that I have an amazing group of people that were able to stick with me as I worked my way through my yuck.  I value them even more now than I did before.  Thanks for putting up with me and my misery.  Thanks for cheering me on when I'm doing better!  I am glad you didn't give up on me!! Again, focusing on what I have right now instead of what I have lost.

What's all this got to do with running?  Emotional issues, depression and stress factors get in the way of being a entirely healthy person from the inside out.  This past year has been more about getting healthy on the inside than the outside.  I'm hoping to continue on this path and that if the outside never gets to where I envision it, as long as I keep working on being healthy, I am going to be okay with that.

I'm starting to realize if I can get through the things I have worked through the last few months that I am probably a bit more mentally tough than I give myself credit for.

That is going to be something I will be reflecting on quite a bit for the next few weeks.

I've said before that this journey into health has not gone the way I expected.  But I am realizing that I should be extraordinarily proud of myself that I am still working on this journey.

Found this today.  Seemed perfect!  

No matter what.  I plan to continue!! Guess that takes some Mental Toughness.  :-)

Dimple Hill....Again! :-)

Oregon thinks that we didn't need winter this year and has been showing all it's spring beauty early.  I know we will pay for the lack of snow during the summer but I sure am enjoying it in the meantime.

Decided to take another whack at the route to Dimple Hill via Dan's Trail.  I wanted to see if I could run more of it.  The good news is I did run more of it.  The bad news is I trudged up Dan's Trail like a wheezing asthmatic.  I have got to figure out this breathing thing!

Joe was working, Meighan was lazy, and everyone else was busy or already had different exercise plans for the day.  So it was me and my puppy once again.  Which is not a bad thing.  I am finding I like having the forest all to myself once in awhile.

It was gorgeous! The sun was shining.  I had dressed with just the right amount of layers so that I wasn't too cold or too hot.  And if I was I had a light jacket that could be thrown on or tied around my waist.

She didn't want to sit for her picture.  Running and sniffing are WAY more fun!  lol

I managed to run the first mile.  Last week I only ran the first 3/4 of a mile.  It is downhill about that far and then it goes uphill quickly.  I had decided to run a mile and that was hard.  I wanted to stop several times.  But kept going until my Garmin buzzed that I had one mile done.  Every time I ran downhill I tried to go as far as I could when the uphill started.

This went pretty well and I was feeling good until I got to Upper Dan's Trail.  I trudged.  I had a hard time breathing and I was really, really slow.  This could have gotten me really, really frustrated.  But it didn't.  I figured that I had pushed myself harder on the first part of the hike and that I just wasn't ready for that much pushing in one hike yet.  :-)  But I will be.  :-)

So I slogged up the trail and eventually made it to the top.  It was so beautiful and warm.  I sat on the bench and just soaked up the sun and the quiet.  I was the only one there and could hear the birds and the wind and it was lovely.  Bailey explored and smelled everything.  She is in puppy heaven when we go on hikes.

Another lovely view at the top of Dimple Hill.

Hanging out on the bench on Dimple Hill in my TANK TOP in March!!! 

I always am proud of myself for getting up here.  I don't think it will ever get old.  :-)

Bailey and I headed down the road to the Saddle.  I probably should have stretched a bit before we took off.  It's amazing how fast I got tight in just the little bit that I sat there enjoying the sun.  It took a bit to get loosened up again.  I wasn't running as fast as I had at the beginning of the hike but I was running.  That's another victory.

Sunshine through the trees.

I was tired heading down the hill so I was slow but I tried to keep moving.  I had a couple of times where I stopped or slowed down because there were bikes or runners and I wanted to make sure Bailey behaved.  She does really well.  She has figured out that if she doesn't listen then I put the leash on her but if she does what I ask she can stay off leash.  Little smarty pants!  

There was a big group of high school aged looking boys that were running up the hill.  They were in a big group running side by side and took up the entire road.  Evidently they don't move over for overweight, slow, old ladies.  lol  I had to do a quick side step to avoid getting crashed into.  I might have just let the kid hit me but I'm pretty sure I would have come out injured in the process.  It's a wide road, there isn't a need to be rude boys.  

We stopped at our bench on the way down.  Mostly so that Bailey can jump over the ditch.  She is getting more confident in her leaping abilities and likes to show off.  It's pretty funny.  I will have to try and get a video of her doing it next time.  

This little guy was sitting on the back of the bench awhile back when Joe and I hiked the road up to Dimple and back last month.  Don't know who put it there or where it went but it made me smile.  

I'm getting a wave and a salute from a Green Army Guy.  :-)

I love random things like this on runs and hikes.  They always make me laugh and start thinking about why it might be there.  

It's gone now but it is still making me smile all these weeks later.  :-) 

Because I did the same route that I did a couple of weeks ago I wanted to compare to see how I did. Green is where I'm running at my fastest pace of this particular run.  Yellow is still running but slower and red is walking

They aren't a whole lot different overall but I can see some places that I did better today than I did a couple of weeks ago.  Improvement is improvement.  I am proud of the fact that I pushed it a bit and tried to do more.  Baby steps are still steps forward.  I'm taking it.  :-)

This shows the elevation in the background with the pace on the line graph.  I'm all over the place.  lol  But, hey, there are hills!  I wonder how I will do when I go on a nice flat run around my neighborhood?  Hmmmm.  

Pretty slow in the middle (Upper Dan's Trail) but I'm pretty happy about the rest of it.  

Funny part is that the pace and time is almost the same as it was a couple of weeks ago.  There were faster parts and there were slower parts and it all averages out to be almost identical.  :-)  

For some reason, even though it was sunny I got chilled on the run down the hill.  I put my jacket back on but never really got warmed up again.  I took a warm shower which felt heavenly and cuddled up in my recliner for a nap.  Bailey decided to join me. 

She still thinks she is a lap dog.

I think I tuckered the poor puppy out.  :-)  She spends most of the afternoon after a hike sleeping.  :-)

Today was about pushing myself mentally a bit.  Didn't make huge gains overall but I know that I kicked ass in a few places and then paid the price in others.  That's okay because I know that if I keep working at it I will eventually get better.  

I still need to figure out how to not be wheezing so hard on the uphills.  A lot of the time my body feels fine but my breathing is terrible and I can feel my heart pounding really hard trying to compensate for the lack of oxygen in my body.  It is not a fun feeling!  

Last spring and summer I was struggling.  I was sad and discouraged and tired.  NOT a good combination for me.  It took awhile to dig out of the sad and discouraged.  I don't think at this point that the tired will ever really go away so I'm learning how to manage it better.  

Once I realized how whiny and pathetic I had been I was embarrassed.  I felt so bad for my husband and friends that had to tolerate me while I had a bad case of the dumps and poor me.  Here it is, months later.  We are almost to spring again.  I still have my moments of sad where I miss the people that are gone.  That doesn't ever really go away.  I think we just get accustomed to missing people who have passed on.  It becomes a dull ache rather than a sharp pain but it is always there and surprises us at odd moments.  I am so grateful for the friends that walked with me last year and helped me work my way through it.  I can't tell you how many texts, messages, phone calls or visits I got where I was just loved on for who I am.  Even though I was a mess.  

The last year has also reminded me of something that I used to do often and have not done as much in recent years.  I used to be good at dropping cards or notes in the mail or shooting off a message when God laid someone on my heart.  Usually just "I'm thinking of you" kind of message.  I have remembered how good it makes me feel to bring a smile to someones day.  So if you get a random text, card, message or email from me know that you have been on my heart and you are loved.  :-)

I made many mistakes last summer on how I dealt with life.  Made myself miserable for awhile, pushed a few people away that I love.  Hopefully they won't stay away.  I'm better now, promise.  :-)  But I'm realizing that while it wasn't good it was useful in teaching me some important lessons about how I see myself and what I want.  

I want to be healthy not skinny.

I want to be happy in the every day.

I want to love my family and friends and bring them smiles and encouragement.

I want to be an example of God's love.  

I want to enjoy the journey instead of getting frustrated that I haven't arrived at some random destination I have stuck in my head.  

I want to inspire my students to love learning and to find the fun in school.  

I want my students to leave my classroom feeling like they can achieve anything. 

I want my students to leave my classroom feeling like I 100% believe in them!

I want my own amazing kids to be strong amazing people who have a kick ass time living life.  (Which they do, so proud of them!)

I want to be the best wife possible to the fabulous husband that I have.  I love sharing this journey with him (Thank you Lord that he is a patient man and can handle my tears!) lol 

I want to cheer on people I know, and ones I don't, when they are doing awesome shit.  Whether that is the first time they run all the way around the track for the first time or they just did their first Ironman (and everything in between!)

I know, that's a lot of wants.  But good ones.  I might have to print this list out and stick it on my mirror to remind myself.  :-)  

What do you want?  And how are you going to get it?