Change is Coming

Change is hard.  Change that comes because I am forced to change is even harder.  I hate being told I have to do something.

My doctor's visit to follow up on my blood tests is bringing change.  Not life threatening change but change.

My doctor ran several blood tests.  Some to see if I had allergies or intolerances and then some were a repeat of tests that he ran last year so that he could see if there had been any changes, good or bad.

Change #1.  It seems that my AIC number has gone up.  This is the number that they look at to determine if someone is diabetic.  The way that they have patients get this number to go down is to lose weight and exercise regularly.  I have done both this past year and the number has gone up.  Not a lot but it shouldn't have gone up at all.  So, my doctor, while very kind was also very blunt, informed me that it isn't a matter of if I get diabetes but when I get diabetes.  Well, shit! Not what I wanted to hear.  Doc wants me to cut all simple sugars.

Change #2. I don't have outdoor allergies, which is a blessing living in Oregon.   I also don't have any major food allergies.  However I did ping for celiac which means that I have a gluetin intolerance.  My doctor didn't feel it was a full blown allergy but thinks it wouldn't hurt to start eating with this in mind and being more aware of what I'm eating that has gluten and reducing it.

The week before Thanksgiving and my doctor is telling me that I need to cut sugar out of my diet and reduce gluten.  Happy holidays to me!  I told him that I was absolutely willing to make these changes but probably wouldn't go hard core on it until after Christmas.  He agreed that that was a reasonable plan.  I just felt that I would be a crabby bitch to my family if I had to make these changes right now.  That is never fun for anyone, especially over the holidays.

To be perfectly honest I have been having a difficult time dealing with this.  I know it's not cancer or anything immediately life-threatening.  But it is life-changing.  And those changes are going to affect my husband and daughter because somethings I just won't be able to have in the house.  I feel badly about this.

Step one right now was to put me on a medication called Metformin.  This is to help with the pre-diabetes.  My doctor is usually not one to prescribe pills so when this was his suggestion I knew he was serious about the diabetes.  I started taking the pills on the day before Thanksgiving, just one a day.  One of the side effects is that my gut isn't doing too great.  (I'll leave it at that)  Which isn't too fun.  I haven't run since Thanksgiving day.  When I get home from work I am tired and feel like I need to puke.  Not very motivating to get out there and exercise.  This weekend I started taking a second pill in the evening.  So far it hasn't made me feel worse than before with only one pill.  Overall I think it's starting to get a little better.

My friend Betsy says that it does get better so that is good to know.  I'm very blessed to have a friend that has been through this and is wiling to share her experiences.  Not that I'm glad that she had to have this experience too, just that she gets what I'm going through and is super encouraging.

I have been spending my time working my mind around this.  On the one hand I know that it isn't the end of the world.  But I really don't like change and I really like food.  I like candy and crackers and things that are yummy and trying to imagine the rest of my life where I have to think about every bite I put in my mouth and how it's going to make me feel or how it will affect my diabetes (to come) is a bit overwhelming.

I plan to get out and run this next week, no matter what.  No excuses.  I needed a bit of time to wallow and feel sorry for myself.  That is over.  Time to do something about it.

I was frustrated that the A1C number had gone up when I have spent the past 11 months working out and losing weight.  But doc pointed out that it had only gone up slightly and that if I hadn't been doing what I did the past year the number would have done up way more and I could be well on my way to being diabetic sooner rather than later.

Also, the Metformin is also good for Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome.  Doc thinks that some of my other issues might be that (hormone imbalance, tiredness, etc.)  We are hoping that once things even out a bit the medication could help with my tiredness which would be awesome.

When I started this journey into figuring out why I'm tired all the time and trying to become healthy I asked God to make it something that was an easy fix. "Here's a pill, everything is fine."  Not "Here's a pill and also it will make you feel crappy.  Oh and you have to completely overhaul how you eat."

Now I am pulling on my big girl panties and start acting like a reasonable adult about this.  The world is not ending, I'm not dying, everything is fine.  I just have to change my thinking a bit and I will be healthier than ever.  Right?  Right!

This meme showed up yesterday on the Favorite Run Community Facebook page.  Seemed like it was posted just for me.

Evidently I am strong enough.

I haven't run in over a week.  But I have working out my brain and emotions so I think that I'm okay.  Tomorrow will be the start of a new week and I'll be working at getting back at it.  I never realized how many twists and turns this journey was going to have.  I thought it was going to be a straight line from where I was to the size I wanted to be.  Evidently it needs to be a more interesting journey than that.

Thanks for letting me vent.