Monday, May 20, 2013

Busy Week!

Another busy week at the Van V's!  Meetings after school three nights in a row, two runs, one daughter's District track meet and another daughter's second week of her school play and one doctor's visit.  No wonder I'm tired all the time! And I think it is going to be like that until the end of the school year. 

Training began on Monday for the Cascade Lakes Relay.  I'm really excited about doing better this year.  If the training goes as well as it did for the Eugene Marathon then I should be significantly faster than last year.  Especially since I will be building off the progress I have made since the beginning of the year, rather than starting from scratch. 

This week was challenging to get all the work outs in.  Between being tired and having a lot of extra stuff going on in the afternoon/evenings it was difficult.  I only missed one run.  Hopefully I will be able to do better this week. 

Monday was tough.  I have only run a couple of times since the Eugene Half.  I know better.  Every time I take a break I regret it and swear I won't do that again.  While it wasn't a terrible run and it wasn't like I was starting completely over I could definitely tell that I hadn't been consistent with my training.  I ran two miles and walked/ran the last one.  It didn't help that it was hot.  Remember, anything over 55 degrees is hot to me when I'm running.  :-)  Tuesday was even warmer and I was supposed to do four miles.  I ran three and walked a half mile.  Partly because I was just done and partly because I had a meeting at 6:00 and I needed some time to cool down before it started. 

I had a doctor's appointment on Thursday.  Yet another follow up visit to discuss how things are going.  Still tired, still overweight.  My poor doctor.  I feel bad because I know he is trying to help me and he believes, as I do, that something is not quite lining up right.  But he just isn't able to pinpoint the issue.  We talked about different options that included diet pills, a weight loss clinic or going to a dietitian.  I'm not really excited about the pills.  I am also not excited about the weight loss clinic because Doc said they would most likely put me on a doctor monitored very restrictive calorie diet.  Which would mean I would probably have to quit running for a few months.  I really don't want to do that!  I have worked too hard to make progress to stop now.  lol  I want it all.  I want to lose weight quickly AND be able to do it with my running and eating healthy.  At this point I have decided to keep doing what I'm doing.  I am making gains.  According to the doctor's scale I have lost 21 pounds since Christmas!  That's about three pounds better than my scale says.  Isn't that weird?  Usually the doctor's scale is worse than the one at home.  Lucky me.  :-)  This is nothing to sneeze at.  I should be thrilled but it is hard when I feel like the amount of effort I'm putting in should have led to almost twice that amount lost by now.  I'm trying really hard to focus on the fit of my clothes instead of the pounds.  Not an easy task for me!  My self perception is not good.  My doctor asked me what my goals were outside of the number on the scale.  I said I wanted to be down to where I could by regular clothes at any store, instead of having to go the plus size store or section.  I wanted to be not wearing clothes bigger than my husband or be watching a football game and realize that I'm the same height and weight as a professional football player.  And I'm not talking the kicker.  That does not help with the self-image! 

I watched the new Dove Real Beauty Sketches video the other day.  Wow!  If you haven't seen it yet, check it out:

I am pretty sure that my self portrait would not be very attractive. lol  It's hard to see myself as others see me.  I'm working on that but it is definitely a work in progress!  Have you ever noticed that your reflection in the glass door going into a building looks bigger than you actually are?  The funny thing is that in my mind, that is the size I really am.  That's how I see myself.  Or I will point out someone who is heavy and say "I look like them" and my husband will look at me and say "WTF?  You are not even close!"  But that's how I perceive myself.  Self image is a difficult thing.  I hope that I have instilled it better in my daughters than I have it in myself.  I find myself realizing more and more as I meander down the road to a healthier me that it is more than just losing weight and being "skinny".  It is about finding out what my expectations for myself are and feeling like I have some control in not only my health but in how I perceive myself.  The Bible says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I need to make sure that I am taking care of the body God gave me.  I'm a miracle.  :-)

I didn't run on Friday.  I spent the evening with one of my girlfriends for a much needed evening of laughter and friendship.  We watched a chick flick, talked and had a great time.  It was a nice way to end a VERY long week!!!

I had signed up for a 5K race in Lebanon that supports the Lebanon Schools Foundation.  I had tried to get my whole homeroom class to join me.  At first everyone was going to do it with me and then one by one they backed out.  Other sport commitments, sleeping in, and in general a lot of excuses.  I could have used this as an excuse as well but I had promised my students that I was going to do this run and I was going to keep my promise.  The race was basically one lap around the track and then three one mile loops around the block.  There were only 11 people signed up for the race.  Guess who was bringing up the rear?  Yours truly!  I started out way too fast!  When I heard my average pace after the first half a mile I though "Uh oh!"  and almost started to slow down.  Then I decided, what the heck, let's see how long I can do this for.  Breathing was hard and I got really tired but I pushed through.  I finished the 5K in 33'54" which is an average pace of 10'54" per mile!!  Holy Moly!  I was pretty excited.  I have never been so excited to finish last place before.  But I have learned with running it isn't about what place you come in, it's about meeting goals and setting PR's.  The weather was cool and there were light sprinkles.  This is actually the best running weather for me.  Not so cold where I have to have a lot of layers but not so hot that all I can think about is how hot I am.

I must have worked hard because I got home, showered and sat down on the couch and I was out like a light.  I got a nice hour long nap which felt wonderful and I am pretty sure I earned.  May not have been a long race but I certainly worked hard during it.

I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing.  I'm going to keep working on the challenges on the inside while I'm working on the challenges on the outside.  I'm going to keep trusting that God has a plan and that in the meantime I need to do my part.

Gotta go.  Time to get in another run.  :-)


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