Sunday, December 15, 2013

Starting Over

I get frustrated with starting over.  I hate it when I don't run for awhile and then when I do it isn't fun.  Everything hurts, I'm sooooo slow and in general I'm not a happy camper.  I know it is my own fault.  I know that if I didn't stop I wouldn't be so miserable.  But life happens.  Sometimes I really am busy with work, family and kids.  Sometimes I'm so tired when I get home that if I sit down then I don't go again.  There are concerts to attend for the kids, Christmas shopping to be done, groceries to pick up, bills to pay and the list goes on and on.

This week I had said I was going to get back to my runs, no excuses.  Then it snowed.  lol

Usually around here when it snows it's a big deal.  That's because it snows a couple of inches (if we are lucky) it's here for a day, school is canceled, everyone plays and has a great time and then by the next day it all melts away.  This time it didn't melt away.  Not only that we had way more than two inches.  We had about five outside our house and other areas nearby had even more.  We had no school on Friday.  Saturday and Sunday were still really cold and the snow didn't melt at all.  Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday we had no school!  It was crazy!  I got a lot done.  Caught up on grading, got ahead on my homework, decorated my house for Christmas and took naps.  :-)

I did not, however, run.  It was slick outside and I just couldn't bring myself to run on the treadmill.  So I made excuses and didn't go.  Partly because I'm just sure that if I had tried to run outside I would have fallen and broken something, that's just things work for me so I didn't want to risk it.

Thursday night the temperatures warmed up and the rain came.  Friday morning the roads were slushy but manageable.  By the time I got home from school there was very little snow left.  A few piles of snow in parking lots or shaded areas and the gravel on the road left from when they sanded the roads.

Since now I really had no excuse I went for my run.  It wasn't fun.  I just did a 5K and my left knee hurt, my right IT band hurt, I was slow and it was a struggle.  My stomach acting up and I felt a bit pukey the whole time. But I went.

That night I was whining to my friend Betsy, who has been a great source of encouragement and support as I wrap my mind around the new life that is coming my way.  We were talking about a biking event that she will be participating in next summer called the Tour de Cure that is a fundraiser for the American Diabetes Association.  Last summer Betsy asked us if we would be willing to ride with her to support her next summer.  Of course we said yes.  Joe was planning to ride 100 miles and I was going to do a minimum of 25 miles and maybe longer depending on my training by then.  Betsy pointed out on Friday that next summer we both would be riding as part of the Tour de Cure.  I said that I don't have diabetes yet and she said pre-diabetes counted and I was on the team.  Shit, I don't want to be on the team.  I want to be on the support team.  I don't want this.  That really made me sit back and really say, wow, this is real and it's not going away.

Saturday I went for my long run.  I decided to keep it between seven and eight miles since I hadn't been running consistently for a month and not at all for two weeks.  It was even uglier than Friday's run.  I was slow!  I haven't run that slow since last winter.  Everything hurt worse than the night before.  And I felt pukey, again.  I think that might be from the Metformin and I'm really hoping that is not my new reality while I run.  Not fun to be taking a medication to help me be healthier in one area of my life and have it make it difficult to keep being healthy in the other parts of my life.

I spent the first two miles being pissed.  I was pissed at having to take medication that makes me feel crummy.  I was pissed that I have to take the medication at all.  I was pissed at myself for not keeping at my running because I HATE starting over and how it makes me feel.  I was pissed that I am qualify to be part of Tour de Cure instead of a supporter for someone else.  I was just pissed.

I'm running along and I'm thinking about all the times this past year I have had to "start over".  Really only twice, the end of June when I had only run about 20ish miles in May and 20ish miles in June.  Then how I've struggled through the end of October and all of November.  Not great but not as bad as I was making it seem in my own head.

Then I had an "Ah Ha" moment.  Every time that I have stopped running or lost my focus I have eventually started over.  Which means that I'm not a quitter.  I may wallow for awhile but at some point I pull on my big girl panties and start over.  And you know what?  That's pretty Baddass.....with sparkle!

I realized that I'm a Badass because every time I start over I'm proving that I won't give up.

Suddenly I wasn't pissed anymore.  I still had about four miles to go on my run.  I wasn't getting any faster, if anything I was slowing down even more.  I just decided to enjoy the run and work on my breathing and my posture.  I managed 7.3 miles.  It wasn't pretty and I hurt all over when I got home but, again, I did it.

Today I was invited to participate in an Ugly Sweater Run/Walk.  It was not timed, I'm not even sure why we were given bib numbers to wear.  :-)  There were four of us that were going together and we all had our ugly sweaters on and blinking Rudolf noses to wear as well.  And we were relatively mild in our outfits.  There were some very entertaining and creative outfits.  Along the route they were supposed to have stations for all of the 12 Days of Christmas.   They were missing a few but we took pictures at all the ones they did have.

Getting Ready to Run!  :-)  I don't think it is possible to stay pissy when you are wearing a blinky nose!
When we first got started I took off and ran for a bit because I had gotten chilled and wanted to warm up faster than I could if I was walking.  I ran for about a mile and it felt good.  Nothing hurt and I had a pace of about 12'30" even though it felt like I wasn't going any faster than I had the day before.  I wasn't trying to go fast either so I was pretty happy at that point.  When the other ladies caught up to me we walked the rest of the way.  It was supposed to be a 5K but was just over 2.5 miles.  That's okay.  We had a lot of fun and I'm really glad I went.

The 12 Days of Christmas (The short version)

Good friend and co-worker!  Another one of the many friend blessings in my life! 
This weekend wasn't about running fast or making huge improvements.  This weekend was about just going.  About being grateful that I can go.  About remembering that I need to have fun along the way.  And being VERY, VERY, VERY grateful that I have it pretty good. :-)

We will see how this next week goes but even if it doesn't goal well......I'm willing to start over....again.

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