Silver Falls Trail Runs 2014

Last summer I signed up for the Silver Falls 7 Miler.  This is the first time they have had this length of a trail run during the event.  I have done the Half Marathon twice before and thought it would be nice to do the shorter route this year. I signed up back on August 1st before I had done my big reassessment of my goals and priorities.  So what's a girl to do when they signed up for a 7 mile trail run and they haven't been running?

Run it anyway.

I didn't plan to run at all.  I actually just planned on hiking it and enjoying the day.  No biggie because I absolutely love Silver Falls State Park and figured there are definitely worse ways to spend a fall morning.  If you want a gorgeous hike any time of the year this is the park to go to!  http://www.oregonstateparks.org/index.cfm?do=parkPage.dsp_parkPage&parkId=151

We had three friends who were participating in the 50k that was going on as well.  They started their journey at 7:30 in the morning.  I waited for Joe to get home from work and we loaded up the car and we headed out.  Our race started at 9:00 and we made it to the park by 8:30 so we had time to get ready and get started.  http://www.runwildadventures.com puts on a fantastic race and we enjoy every single one of their trail runs that we participate in.  The Silver Falls weekend has morphed over the years.  Originally it was just a half marathon and the numbers were limited.  The numbers are still limited but now they have a 7 miler, a 50k, a Marathon and a Half Marathon over the first Saturday and Sunday of November.  If you think you want to get into one of these races next year I suggest you put a reminder on your phone, it fills up fast!

We found Wendie right away and she let us know that Josh, Kristi and Tony had gotten off to a good start.  She would be meeting up with them at various aid stations on the route to make sure they had anything they needed and were doing alright.  She got this picture of me and my fabulous hubby.

Always encouraging and supportive in whatever I'm doing!  

The race began and Joe took off.  I decided to run for a bit just to get warmed up.  I actually felt pretty good.  As I was going I begin to think maybe I could change what I planned to do for this hike.  Now I decided I would run (slowly) as much as I could and then walk on the up hills.  If I got to a point where this was too much I would go back to the original plan of hiking the route.

I had to walk up a little bit when the trail went up to the Rim Trail but then it flattened out, somewhat, so I began to run again.  Because I have a track record of tripping and falling on the trails I took it easy in areas with lots of rocks or roots showing.  We followed the Rim Trail down to the North Falls where I had to stop and get some pictures. 

North Falls

Typically by this time of year most of the leaves have fallen off the trees but there were still a lot on the trees and all the yellow was so beautiful to run through.

Oregon beauty!

I was not running fast but I was still running and I felt good.  It was fun to be out and have no specific goal other than to finish.  I think my journey the last few months has been remembering that having a goal to finish is an excellent goal.  I don't always have to be fast or beat my time from a previous year.  I can have a goal that says "Yay!  I got my butt off the couch today!  Winner!"

I knew that the trail was not too steep until I got to the Lower South Falls.  Then there would be stairs.  I think stairs are worse than hills!  So I figured as long as I felt good I would keep running until I got to those stairs.  

Lower South Falls

I used the stairs as an opportunity to refuel and use my inhaler.  Then I just plugged away at them.  I didn't count them but according the the trail map brochure for Silver Falls there are 185 steps.  Ugh.  I so need to add stairs and hills to my training!

The trail evens out again for a bit until you get to the bottom of the South Falls.  So I ran until I got there.  There was lots of water coming over the falls and a lot of spray.  I was hot from running so the spray felt good.  I know my pictures look like typical South Falls pictures, but it is so beautiful you can't help but take them.

South Falls view from the bottom.

South Falls from the trail behind the falls.  Gorgeous fall colors!

South Falls from near the top.  Love the fog and mist and the top.

I knew when I got to the top that I only had one more hill between me and the finish.  I headed back towards the area where the finish line is but then I had to take a right and head up that last, awful hill. I'm not the only one who thinks it is not fun.  Everyone who has done these races talks about that last crappy hill.  You just say "Really? You've got to be kidding me!"  Even when you know it's coming.  Here is the name that has developed over the years for this hill:

That pretty much sums it up.

The problem is that it is super steep up and super steep down the other side so it is hard to go fast either way.  Last year was super muddy so it was slick too.  This year wasn't as slick but still hard to trudge up after all the running without training I had done.  But since I knew I was close to the finish I made it up and then gingerly made my way down the other side.  The fear of falling down, since I tend to do that, kept me from going faster on the downhill side.

A year ago a couple of guys from the Vertebrate team doing the marathon had passed me starting up the hill and encouraged me.  Then one of the guys met me coming down the other side as he was going back up to finish with another teammate.  He smiled at me and said good job.  I smiled back and said thanks.  Now that guy is my friend!  What a difference a year makes.  I sent him a selfie (he LOVES selfies....not) and told him that if he had been there this year I would have given him a big sweaty hug.  :-)  

I finished with my daughter waiting for me at the corner where you turn into go to the finish.  Seeing her smiling face cheering me on kept me running to the finish.  At the finish was my hubby and friends.  No matter how fast or slow I go there are always people at the finish telling me I did awesome.  I am doing a much better job of understanding that I accomplish much by getting out there and doing something, no matter what my speed is.  

I changed my clothes and it felt so good to be warm and dry.  We hung out at the truck for awhile with some guys who work in my school district and had a lot of fun laughing and talking.  One had done the 7 miler as well and the other had come along to cheer him on.  

Later we grabbed our chairs and headed over to the finish line to wait for our awesome 50k peeps.  We had a great time talking with people, cheering people over the finish line and just hanging out.  The marathon and the 50k people were both finishing and it was fun to watch them get loved on by their friends and families at the finish. 

Then we could see our friends.  They were all together and looked great.

Josh, Kristi and Tony come into the final stretch.

Joe, Meighan and Wendie decided they should have to finish under their arm arch while I took pictures.

Here they come! 

Great way to finish! 

Kristy finishing her longest race ever!!  Nice work lady1

Great picture of Friend Josh's awesome smile!  Great way to end the race.

They all looked really great at the finish!  They were all running and still smiling!  Quite the accomplishment.  (Side note:  Josh went back today and ran the Silver Falls Half Marathon!  Beast Mode Activated!)

No complaints about the picture Kristy!  I think you and Tony look fabulous!!

First priority after running a 50k?  Getting a beer.  Second priority?  Getting clean and warm!

Priority #1 taken care of.  Still haven't gotten to Priority #2

Joe and I had brought along our grill from home in the back of the truck.  The plan was to stay at the park and have a little post race celebration.  We had hamburgers and brats, salad, fresh fruit, chips, beer and cider.  What I didn't know was that my friends had decided to make it into a small birthday celebration for me as well.  My birthday is on Monday and they had decided to help me celebrate early.  I got an awesome tote to carry teacher-y things to and from school and some awesome Pote "Made With Love" slippers in my favorite color of purple.  There was also confetti cupcakes and candles.  It was awesome and I felt very loved.  That was just about the most perfect way to celebrate my birthday.  Hanging out, laughing and enjoying my friends after having a great time on the trail.  I love these people!!

Some of my favoritest people in the world!  Love you guys!

Enjoying my Birthday slippers!

When we finally packed up and headed home we had the perfect finish to the day.  The sky was amazing and the sunset was stunning.

Good run, good friends, good day.  I'm still looking foward to making new goals when I'm done with grad school but I sure am enjoying what I'm doing right now.  Life is good.  :-)

Spectating is FUN!

I have some amazing friends that do some kick ass things! It is seriously so much fun to go watch them do their thing. I had three friends doing a 25k a few weeks ago and another who did the Portland Marathon the same day. A successful day was had by all.   I didn't get to see my friend in Portland but I got to watch two out of three friends come across the finish line at the 25k.  Love seeing them finish strong and smiling!  I even like giving them hugs when they are all sweaty.  I think maybe some of their badassery will rub off onto me.  :-)

I like watching races for a couple of reasons.

Now that I'm a runner I understand the work that goes into a race.  It doesn't matter if you are walking or running, there is a certain amount of effort that goes into getting ready.  I can appreciate that effort when I watch because I have been on the working towards a goal side of things.  I like watching people cross the finish line and be excited that they accomplished something they never thought they can do.  It makes me remember my first 5k, my first 10k and my first Half Marathon.  I was pretty sure each time that I wasn't going to be able to do it.  I will NEVER forget how I felt crossing the finish line at the Eugene Half Marathon in 2011.  Watching people have that first time experience is really fun at any level and I love being a part of that, even for complete strangers!!

I had originally planned to not participate in the  the Runaway Pumpkin Half Marathon.  It would have the first time since the race was started that I wouldn't be participating.  It seemed a little weird to not have it on the calendar as part of my goals.  However it has been good for me not to have the additional stress of training for a half marathon while starting off the school year, taking grad classes and all the normal, every day stuff that I do as a wife and mother.  Originally I had planned to go and watch some of my co-workers and friends cross the finish line.  This race happens in the community that I work in and benefits the local ABC House which is an organization that helps children that have been involved in child abuse.  Here is a link for more information if you are interested in helping out a VERY worthy cause! ABC House

I have done this run ever since it started and I love this race! The bag of goodies you get when you pick up your packet has sooooooo much good stuff from the many, many sponsors of this race.  Everything from toothbrushes to a wooden coin that gets you chowder at Mo's.  If you are from Oregon you know how awesome that is!!  And it's an excuse to go to the beach which I always love.  The volunteers at this race are the best!!  They have a local motorcycle group that volunteers every year at all the intersections.  They are all so friendly and awesome!  The volunteers at the aid stations are the best!  I don't think I have ever been at a race with more enthusiastic helpers!  It helps keep the runners going to have that kind of encouragement and positive atmosphere around you.  A big shout out to the organizers of the Runaway Pumpkin Half Marathon!  You guys put on an amazing event that benefits an important cause.

My original plan of spectating only got sidetracked in a couple of ways.  On the Friday before the race I was getting a pedicure with my good friend Faylene.  I always enjoy pedicures with Faylene because it gives us a chance to catch up AND my toes look pretty when we are done.  It's a win/win!  Faylene has been part of organizing and running the Runaway Pumpkin Half Marathon since it started.  She was helping with the staggered start at the race and asked if I wanted to go along with her and help.  The person who was originally supposed to had a conflict.  I said sure, it would be fun. So we made plans for her to pick me up in the morning.  The start of a race is always fun because people are excited, nervous and sometimes a little scared.  There are those people that just do their thing and never get anxious but I am not one of those people so I find myself looking for the people that are like me so I can give them a smile or a high five.

Later that same evening I get a text from my friend Wendie asking me if I would be interested in doing the run the next morning.  Um....No!  I haven't been training.  lol  I learned a few years ago that doing a half marathon without training is asking to be in a whole lot of pain later.  We texted back and forth for a bit and it turns out that she is walking with another friend who has never done a half marathon.  They are walking the whole thing.  I decide to go for it.  I know I can walk that far.  I have been doing hikes that are almost nine miles without too much trouble.  I know the course is not really hilly so it should be fine AND I would get to hang with my friend Wendie.  That was the deal breaker.  She has had a couple of rough weeks and I wanted to have some Wendie time to laugh and talk and just be with her in a fun way.  Totally selfish on my part.  So I made arrangements that Josh and Wendie would take me home.  That way I could volunteer at the beginning of the race and then just join the walkers at the end and be part of the race.  It worked out pretty well.

On the way to the race it was raining so I had decided to wear capri running pants and a t-shirt and a hoodie.  It was only overcast at the beginning of the race and about half way through the clouds started clearing off and the sun came out.  I was wishing I had worn a tank top and running skirt instead!  Wouldn't have thought that I would still be wearing my summer stuff in the middle of October but that would have been better.

I enjoyed meeting Wendie's friend Angie and her mom.  They were both a lot of fun and we chit chatted the entire walk.  Walking or hiking is an interesting thing, especially when you are going long distances.  Every topic under the sun comes up and is discussed.  We talked about silly things, serious things, things that made us laugh, a few things that made us cry and of course we talked about poop.  I am pretty sure that Angie thought Wendie was lying when she said that is a common topic for runners and walkers.  But those of you who are know that it is true.  Bathroom issues before and during an event are discussed openly and without shame, but usually with a lot of laughter because it is not possible to discuss this topic without a few giggles or snickers.

First time Half Marathoner and her awesome support person (aka her Mom!)

I was happy with how my legs felt but I started getting blisters around mile nine, the worst one was on the ball of my right foot.  At mile 10 I put some moleskin on the worst one to see if that would help.  Unfortunately my feet were all sweaty so the moleskin wouldn't stick like it was supposed to.  That meant it was moving and ended up pushing up into my toes which started causing other pains.  So at mile 12 I sat down and took it out again.

Wendie's husband had gone on his own run that morning and then walked from the finish line out to find us and finish the race with us.  Josh is a SUPER encouraging person to have around.  I mean not just top ten encouraging people to have around, probably the number two spot on my list right behind my husband.  He always has a way of saying just what I need to hear and always is just sure I will get it done.  All very matter of fact and no big dealish, if that makes sense and it is usually just what I need.  So I had the group continue on while I was dealing with the moleskin issue and then I was going to catch up with them.  I wasn't sure how well that would work but I was going to try.  I just get my shoe back on and I look up and there is Josh walking back to me with his big grin on his face.  I told him he didn't need to come back for me and he just laughed and said "Yes I did."  So we started running and it was difficult but having Josh there kept me going.  I had to rest once and then came one of my favorite parts of the morning.  Josh tells me that I should just turn on the speed and blow by the ladies like I'm perfectly fine.  At first I think there is no way in hell because my feet hurt so bad.  Then I think why not? I might as well try.  So I crank it up and sprint about 20 feet to catch up with the group and just keep going.  As I zip by them I say "Slow Pokes!!!" and keep right on going! lol  They were cracking up!  Angie didn't realize it was me at first so her first thought was that I was rude.  Ha!  When she realized it was me she started to laugh.  I think that little stunt got me through the rest of the walk.  Thanks Josh!

Had a great time walking with these ladies!  Thanks for inviting me Wendie!

I always feel uplifted after spending time with this wonderful lady! 

Here are the things that were a bummer about the walk:

• Blisters!

Here are the things that were awesome about the walk:

• Making new friends.
• Encouraging someone that was accomplishing a first half marathon.
• Spending quality time with a good friend.
• Having legs that felt really good after a 13.1 mile walk! (Without actively training!)
• Remembering what I love about race day as a volunteer, spectator and a participant.

Gotta love it when the positives FAR outweigh the negatives!!

I am still not actively working at my running and I'm still okay with that.  It has been a very good thing for me and has allowed me to focus on grad school.  However, when I'm done with that I might need my friends and family to kick me in the rear end in order to get me moving again.  I'm doing the Silver Falls 7 Miler in a little over a week and while I won't be running it, I will be enjoying the beautiful Silver Falls State Park and spending time with many of my favorite people.  I already know it is going to be a great day!

Bonus picture:

How can you not enjoy a walk with views like this?  

Focusing on the Journey

The school year has started again.  This is always an exciting and exhausting time of the year.  New faces and names to learn, new routines to establish and a lot to do to get ready.  It has been hard to go back to working and taking classes again.  It was nice this summer to have fun stuff around the homework.  I'm really ready to be done with grad classes.

In my last post I indicated that I had been rethinking my goals and where my journey is and where I want it to go.  I have had some successful things and some things that I can improve at.  (I'm laughing that I'm writing "thing" because I don't let my students use the words "stuff" or "things" when they write.  I'm breaking my own rule.  But since I am going to explain what the things are it is okay.)

The main focus of my new goal is to lose weight.  I have done an excellent job of maintaining my weight while running but not in getting rid of the excess.  I think that this is because all the running makes me very HUNGRY!  So I eat too many calories to lose weight but not so many that I gain weight.  This will be great when I'm at my goal weight.  It's a little frustrating right now.  Since the beginning of the school year I have been VERY diligent about what I am eating and tracking it.  I have been weighing my food and making sure I don't consume hidden calories.  I also have been drinking a lot of water.  This has two benefits.  When I'm drinking lots of water consistently then that is what I crave rather than soda or other drinks.  That's a win.  Also, when I am drinking lots of water consistently I also don't seem to feel as hungry as often.  Also a win.  I also have been making sure I reach 10,000 steps on my Fitbit.  While I know that I will need to be doing more (sooner than later).  It has been nice for the start of the school year to not feel stressed about exercising.

The good news is that it is paying off.  I had gained about 10 pounds last spring while dealing with some life stresses and doing it with food, which I know is not a good thing.  My doctor was actually pleased when I said that because he said that most people don't acknowledge that they stress eat.  I was able to stop the progression during the summer but was back to the stuck in place mode.  As of this morning I have lost seven of those 10 pounds so I'm almost back to where I was last winter.  Hopefully I can continue this trend and keep it coming off.

The other day I was trolling through pictures looking for one of my youngest before she got her braces a year ago.  I wanted to show her how big of a change the braces had made in a relatively short amount of time.  What happened was I also realized that I have had some rather significant changes of my own.  My little girl is growing up very fast.  Hard to believe the changes in her this past year besides just her straight teeth!  But I also realized that there were some significant changes on me as well.  My face and neck look WAY different!  Holey moley!

Change doesn't always show on the scale!

Still hard to see other people who have the pounds just melting off but realizing more and more that is not going to be my journey.  I'm learning to be okay with just making progress.  Pictures like this help remind me that I AM making progress.

We went for an absolutely gorgeous hike on Saturday with some friends.  It was an absolutely beautiful morning.  We went early enough to beat the heat but the sun was shining through the trees and it was truly glorious.  All things considered I did very well.  We weren't running but we were definitely moving right along.  I can tell I haven't been running but it felt good to be out enjoying the day and my husband and friends company.  Wendie and I had some good trail therapy as well. (For me, not her!)  lol :-)  I'm nudging along in the right direction but I'm so glad God put people in my life who hold my hand and love on me along the way.  

This is God's country!

Bailey did great on a 7 mile hike!  

Always looking for new trails to explore.  

I will need to get back to more running soon since I have a seven mile trail run coming at the first of November.  But after my seven mile hike yesterday I know that even if I just walk the whole damn thing I am going to have an awesome time.  :-)

I'm focusing on my my own race and I have to say, I'm liking what I see.  :-)

New Goals

I have gotten caught up in the frenzy of race fever.  Find a bigger, better race and try and get a PR (personal record).  This isn't a bad thing.  I like pushing myself and I like doing things out of my comfort zone because it makes me take risks I normally wouldn't.  However, I lost sight of the original goal.  My original goal was to lose weight in order to become a healthier me.  I thought that by doing all these races and activities that the weight would come off as a side benefit.  That has not been the case.  Add to that all the frustrations and stresses that I have had this past year and I have not been successful in my training, racing or weight loss.  Time to reevaluate and decide on a new plan.

I mentioned last week that I have put family and grad school first.  That will remain in place.  Family is always going to be my number one priority.  School is just too important to me and doing well feeds something inside me that I need.  So that isn't going anywhere either.  Which leaves me with races and my exercising.  I haven't been able to balance training plans at all for the last 10 months.  All I have done is get frustrated with myself because I know that if I follow the plans I get results. But it is hard to find the time or the energy sometimes with everything else I have going on.

I have made some new goals.  I have decided to work on staying active.  I found some plans on Pinterest that are exercise plans designed for losing weight.  That's the goal.  Staying active and getting fit.  I am going to work on doing something for at least 30 to 40 minutes a day, for a minimum of 4 days a week but hoping to get 5 or 6 days in.  I'm going to really watch everything I eat and see what happens.

I have signed up for the Silver Falls trail run in November but instead of the 1/2 marathon I decided to do the new 7 miler.  Easier to train for, not as much stress since I will still be taking classes and I think it will be fun.

So from now until Christmas I plan on being very vigilant about what I am eating and how much I am eating.  I plan to be active, doing multiple activities and doing something 4 or more days a week.  I plan to continue to be the best wife and mom I can be.  I also plan to kick ass with my grad school classes.  Boy, will I be glad when I am done with that and have one less thing on my plate!!

Here is the plan I found on Pinterest:

I like having a plan because it gives me something to look at each day.  I don't have to try and come with something on my own.  At the same time this plan will give me the flexibility to swim, bike or run for some of the workouts.  Which means I can pick what works best for my schedule and what I have going that day.

Even if I don't do all the workouts on this list each week that will be okay.  I'm trying to cut myself some slack because I am doing some things right.

Part of the decision to refocus my goals was because it was pointed out to me by several people that I have surrounded myself with wonderful, strong people that have crazy, high-faluting goals.  If I keep trying to keep up with them where I am right now I am going to be disappointed.  I need to do what makes me happy and what is right for me.  The hard part for me in that is that it often makes me feel like I am all alone.  Everyone else is riding bike together, hiking together, doing trail runs and all kinds of other trail runs together.  Where am I?  All by myself.  Most of the time I like working out alone.  I can get in my own groove and do things in my own pace and comfort level.  But when I'm hearing about all the goofy stories, funny pictures and adventures that everyone else is doing together I feel left out.   I started this whole crazy running thing because I was tired of being left out.  Somehow I still feel that way sometimes.  Probably need to get over that.  :-)

The new plan:

• Eat clean.
• Drink lots of water.
• Keep active.
• Finish Grad school. :-)
• Have Fun!!
• Remember that I am making progress.  

That seems doable.

from motivationgrid.com

Hood to Coast 2014

I have done the Cascade Lakes relay for three years straight.  This year, sadly, we did not get into that race.  I got an opportunity to be on a team to participate in the Hood to Coast relay this year.  I was excited to do this race because many people have told me that I haven't done a "real" relay until I have done the Hood to Coast.  I wanted to see for myself how it compared.

The team I was on was Kiss My Assphalt.  My hubby was in Van 1 and I was in Van 2.  My legs were 10, 22 and 34.  In the Hood to Coast you are required to run in the same order for each of the people in your van.  So if you go 4th in Leg 1 you have to go 4th in Leg 2 and Leg 3.

Now, I have stated in earlier posts this summer that I was not as ready as I should have been.  It was stressing me out.  Last week I decided not to be stressed out about it.  It was what it was and nothing I could at that point would change it.  My plan was to go, do my best and have FUN!

Mission accomplished!

I got up on Friday morning and took Joe to meet at our team captain's house so that Van 1 could take off for the start.  They met at 4:00 a.m.  Ugh.  That was early.  I tried to go back to sleep when I got home but that didn't work very well.  By the time I did I only got about 45 minutes more sleep.  Kristy met me at 7:30 and we headed toward Gresham to meet up with the rest of Van 2.  Now, usually people rent vans but we decided to save the expense and just use our Yukon.  It worked out very well and we had quite a bit of room for all of us and all of our crap.

Van 1 started at 7:45 at Timberline Lodge at Mt. Hood.

Wendie, Tina, Heather, Joe, Rosco and Brad-Van 1 Kiss My Assphalt

Mt. Hood.  Joe said it was cold.

We were at the first exchange before noon waiting for the last runner in Van 1 to come in and hand off to Kristy.

Christa, Tony, Jeremy, Kristy and me.  Van 2!  Katey met up with us later.  :-)

Wendie came hauling in with a BIG smile on her face!  She had totally rocked her run and was totally pumped about it!  I loved seeing that.  She (unlike myself) has been working very hard and it paid off for her in a big way this weekend.  So very proud of her!!

898 was a very good number.  :-)

When we got close to the exchange a volunteer would yell our number out and then a volunteer at the exchange would yell the number so that you can be ready for your runner coming in.

Then we were off.  Our van kicked butt, mostly.  :-)  Everyone was running around 10 minute miles or less.

I did not.  I didn't even come close.  A couple of weeks ago that would have made me miserable.  But since I had decided to have fun no matter what and be proud of being out there no matter how miserably I probably would do that is what I did.

Hot and tired but still smiling.  

My first run was along Springhill Trail in the Gresham area.  It is along an old railroad track that they paved over and is now for bikes, runners and walkers.  It was very pretty.  It was very hot!  There was virtually no shade along the entire run.  Every once in a while there would be a tiny bit of shade along the left side of the trail.  It was pretty entertaining to watch all the runners move over to the left just to catch a second or two of shade.  Everybody did it.

I ran the first 2.5 miles of my leg and did it at a decent pace considering my lack of training and the heat.  But the heat got to me and I ended up walking the last 2.5 miles and then running the last little bit into the exchange.  I was a little bummed about having to walk so far but reminded myself that I had run the first half really well and oh well about the second half.  At least I did it.  :-)  At least it was just heat and not hills and heat.

Leg 10

Our van kicked ass and finished strong at the van exchange.  The van exchange was in Portland down by the Willamette River.  It was a huge party.  People everywhere, vans everywhere and noisy.  We had a lot of fun people watching.  Some very interesting outfits that people chose to run in.  This one was a particular favorite.

Portland Runner

He had a mime face painted on and didn't speak.  He had the safety vest on because everyone who ran after 6:00 p.m. had to wear one.  He was wearing a running belt that is used to hold bibs on, usually worn by people doing triathlons.  He had a little flap covering the front too.  But there was nothing on under the bib or flap.  Seriously!?  How does someone run like that?  The chaffing would be brutal.  lol

This was another unusual outfit.  The whole team wore red dresses or red lingerie.  Some of them pulled it off and some didn't.  But they were having fun. :-)

I can't imagine running in an outfit like this.  The garter is a nice touch though.

While we were walking to the exchange area I saw a tent with the awesome people from Cascade Lakes Relay!  I wish I had been wearing my shirt because I had it along.  :-)  I shouted "I love Cascade Lakes Relay!!!" and they gave me a high five and a Frisbee.  :-)  They looked like they were having a blast!  

We sent off Van 1 and then headed up the road to have some dinner and then get some sleep at the next van exchange.  Subway for dinner and putting on comfy clothes was wonderful.  We got to the sleeping area around 7:30 and had our sleeping bags arranged and were snuggled in a little after 8:00.  We were expecting Wendie to be in around midnight, maybe sooner since she was killing her runs.  :-)  We decided to be getting up and repacking the car at around 11 pm.  

I couldn't get to sleep.  First I had to keep getting up to pee.  Trying to stay hydrated always is a pain later when my body decides to flush the system.  Then I was getting attacked by mosquitoes so I had to get up and use some bug spray.  Then there was the other racers.  You would think that a bunch of people who are participating in the same event would be courteous to fellow racers who are trying to sleep.  Not so much.  Cars would pull in and leave their headlights shining right on the sleep area.  People would pull in and have regular volume conversations while they set up their stuff to sleep.  Right in the middle of where all the other people are already trying to sleep.  Stuff like that went on all evening.  I finally gave up sleeping and just enjoyed being able to stretch out.  It was nice to be able to lay flat and just be comfortable for a long period of time.  So, while it would have been better if I had gotten some sleep, it was excellent that I was able to relax and stretch out.  

Van 1 arrived at about 11:30 and we expected Wendie before midnight.  The van exchanges were ridiculously crowded.  People everywhere and loud.  It can be a bit overwhelming and hard to keep patient when I am tired and people are being rude.  Heather says this is where you practice being patient.  So I pulled on my earlobes and said "whoosa"  and tried to be patient.  :-)  Just in case you don't know what that means, here are some clips from Bad Boys to show you.

Kristy took off on her second run of the relay and off we went again.  The second leg felt more stressful in the first as far as trying to get to the next exchange before the runner did.  We would exchange runners and then head straight to the car to try and get to the next exchange.  The reason was because of the traffic.  Sometimes it would take most of our time to just wait in line to get into the parking area.  A few times the runner and another person would get out and walk to the exchange on their own and we would pick up the runner who finished as we drove through.  

My second leg was my longest and technically ranked as my hardest.  It had a big hill at the front of it and was downhill the rest.  I think it is considered hard because of the hill and the length.  I loved it. 

Leg 2

I ran up about half the hill, which is excellent for where I am at right now.  I walked up the rest of it but managed a brisk walk.  My average pace was a 15 minute mile when I got to the top.  Then I started running.  My goal was to run the rest of it without stopping (it had been a VERY long time since I had run that far without stopping) and to get my average pace down to at least a 13'30" pace.  The temperature was right around 55 degrees which I think is my perfect temperature.  I get warm enough running that 55 degrees I can still wear a tank top or t-shirt and be comfortable.  I don't get too hot because the temperature is cooler.  I love it.  Especially in the summer when I can get up and run in the early morning and that's the temperature.  :-)

I had an excellent run.  My breathing was good, my form was good, I felt good.  It is the first run since probably November that I had that.  I loved every minute of it.  It dark and the stars were out.  There was enough other runners that I didn't feel creeped out but not so many that they were in my space.  About mile five I could feel that I was in that place where everything feels solid and I am killing it.  That also happened to be my fastest mile.  :-)  It was really, really good to remember what it feels like to just be running and love it.  I needed that a great deal.  My average pace ended up being 13'11" for the run and I had almost all negative splits.  

It was a great reminder that I can run faster again.  I know, it's is easier to run downhill.  But that doesn't matter.  Right now I will take good downhill run over any bad run.  :-)  I needed to remember what I like about running.  :-)  It took the second leg, in the middle of the night, only practically no sleep to find my good run.  I will take it!!

Trying to get to the van exchange to hand off to Van 1 was the biggest fuster cluck.  We literally sat on the road and maybe moved 3/4 of a mile in an hour.  It was over 2 miles to the exchange and Katey, our last runner, had to walk to it.  We didn't get to send her off as a van or even see the other van at all. I didn't like that at all.  I was "driving" at this point.  Actually what I was doing was sitting in a car full of people sleeping and trying not to fall asleep myself.  Talk about brutal.  We decided to head out to Astoria and come to the sleeping area/van exchange from the back side so that we didn't have to sit on that road and possibly have back ups at every exchange for Van 1 racers.  I don't know that we saved any time doing that but it was nice to be moving.  

We got to the exchange and once again I curled up in my sleeping bag.  This time I dropped off to sleep immediately.  The funny part was it was daylight, even noisier than the night sleeping area and I had no problem tuning it all out.  Probably because I was exhausted but it might also be because taking a nap during daylight I've learned to tune noise out but when it's dark I expect it to be quiet.  I don't know but what I do know is that the nap was wonderful and just what I needed.  

Sleeping Hood to Coast runners.  

Soon enough we were heading out for our last leg of the Hood to Coast.  The sucky part about being in Van 2 for a relay is that Van 1 gets done first and then starts bombarding you with pictures and texts about how they are eating and drinking and relaxing.  Shut up!  lol  So not fair!  

My last leg was supposed to be my easiest.  Short and rolling hills.  I really thought I was going to kick its ass.  It kicked mine.  Well, I probably just was tired and sore and done but it didn't go as well as I had hoped.  

Leg 3

Part of the problem was that I started out WAY too fast.  I actually felt pretty good.  However, it was hotter than they had originally forcasted, getting into the high 70's and I got really overheated.  So the first half I ran fast and the second half I walked.  I still managed to finish with a 13'58" average pace so in that way it was better than my first leg.  But I had started out so well that I was sure I could do it in a pace that was under 13 minutes.  I was a bit disappointed but overall it felt it could have been worse.

The ladies of Van 2-Christa, Katie and Kristy

We got our last runner on the road and then booked it for Seaside.  Then tried to find parking.  We parked at the shuttle parking lot but there was a line for the shuttle that would be over an hour wait.  Nope.  We managed to park at the Safeway and then walk down to the road to the finish line.  Then we found the rest of our team and joined Katey for the run into the finish.  It was a lot of fun.  Loud and crazy too.  There were people EVERYWHERE!!

Kiss My Assphalt at the finish line.

Kiss My Assphalt is done and still smiling!

Showing off our muscles.  I think Katie is still too weak from her run to lift her arms.  :-)

Normally we would have stayed and played for awhile but unfortunately my dear husband had to work the next day (and the day after that too) so we headed for home.  

My shower felt so good!!  When I crawled into bed it was amazing.  I think it took me less than 5 seconds to fall asleep and I didn't move until after 8 a.m.  That's sleeping in big time for me.  

I realized when I took my shoes off after my long run that I had gotten blisters under the toenails of the second toe and both feet.  They are slightly longer than my big toe and I have this happen almost every time I do a half marathon or a relay.  I tried bigger shoes and it still happens and my feet slide around so I went back to my regular sized running shoe and am embracing losing toenails as a sign that I did something hard.  :-)

When we got home we were joyously greeted by our puppy who promptly stood on my toe and popped the blister.  lol  Oh well, then I didn't have to take care of it.  Runners have such problems.  :-)  

New medal for my display. 

Now I have officially run the Hood to Coast.  Now I have the right to compare the Hood to Coast to the Cascade Lakes Relay because I have done both.  If I had to choose to do only one relay a year I would pick Cascade Lakes Relay without question.  I would not work hard to get into Hood to Coast again.  I would do it if someone asked me to be on a team or needed a replacement to help out but I would not actively work hard at getting into it.  Here's why.

• There were way too many people.  I mean an absolutely ridiculous amount of people.  Crowds are one thing but this was downright insanity at times. 
• We couldn't support our runners, ever.  Nobody really needs water or anything when they are running. We have all run enough to know what we need and bring it.  We do it all the time when we are training.  But at Cascade Lakes Relay it is a blast to drive a ways ahead of our runner and then spray them off with water or yell and cheer for them as they go by.  We also get to encourage other runners while we wait and harass other teams (in a good way).  It is so much fun and I just thought that was how it was on relays.  Not so much. 
• The traffic to the exchanges was horrible due to the ridiculous amount of people.  This meant that as soon as we dropped off a runner we loaded up and headed for the next exchange.  No yelling or ringing cowbells to encourage our runner.  No time for the runner who just finished to stretch or walk it out.  Made it a bit stressful at times.  
• The feel of Hood to Coast is more competitive and serious.  People are out there to "beat" other people.  At least that's how it felt to me.  At Cascade Lakes there is some of that but for the most part the teams are just out having a great time.  Makes for a different atmosphere.  

Another thing that people have told me is that Hood to Coast is the "real" relay because it was first and it's harder.  Ummmm, no.  Cascade Lakes has longer runs, more heat and it's lowest elevation is still in high so you are running in elevation the entire relay.  But I will take the harder for less stress getting to exchanges and more time to interact with the other van and my runners while they are running!!!

Kiss My Assphalt was a blast and I'm glad I got the experience.  But I'm hoping Super Team Dwayne will be back to Cascade Lakes Relay in 2015!!

Good things that I came away with are:

• I didn't get sick. No upset stomach, no headaches.  
• I dialed in my eating much more effectively.
• I had fun.
• I remembered how good it felt to have a good run.  
• I made some decisions about my goals for the next few month.  (Don't worry, I will share in a later blog.)
• I have some really great friends.  Ones I have had for a long time (Christa, you rock), ones I have had for a shorter amount of time (Love ya Krista!) and new ones (Jeremy, Tony and Katie, you are so much fun!)

Today is a good day! :-)

Finding My Joy

I have been working on my Masters degree in School Counseling this year.  I have completed eight classes and have three left.  Due to being an unsuccessful student in high school which made me feel very stupid I am very serious about my schooling now.  It is very important to me to do well and I put a great deal of pressure on myself because of this.  This has caused me to make school my number one priority, as long as it wasn't at the expense of my family or job.

I found out that despite losing weight and be consistent with being active I am still considered pre-diabetic and had to go on medication.  When diabetes happens, not if.  Ugh

I had a couple of screw ups at my job last spring so that didn't work out too well.  Nothing world ending and fixable but stuff that shouldn't have happened in the first place.

I have had a family member die last spring and a friend die this summer.

I have been running and biking but both have been hit or miss.  Consistency has not been happening.  Because I am putting family and school first.

But I forgot something very important.  I have to work on being okay with myself.  I haven't had time (or made time for that).  So grieving has not happened.  I have not grieved for the healthy future that I thought I would have without diabetes.  I have not fully grieved for my family member or my friend.  I haven't had time for that.  I shed a few tears and then tramped it down and focused on family and school.

This has resulted in a rather unhappy me.

And I realized this week, and especially yesterday that my unhappiness has been oozing out and impacting those around me.

How did I come to this realization?

It started with the death of Robin Williams.  That was so sad!  I have always loved him.  His acting is amazing, his comedy is brilliant, an interview with Robin Williams was never boring!  There has been a lot of stories and information about depression and suicide awareness since his death.  This is a very good thing!  It also made me look at my own mental health and how I am handling things (or not handling things.)

I have struggled with depression myself.  Not to the point of suicide but definitely sad.  The biggest sad I have ever had was after the birth of my last child.  I struggled badly with post-partum depression.  I finally went on a low dose of an anti-depressant which helped me a great deal.  But I don't like taking medication so after a couple of years I went off of the pills and was doing okay.

After quitting the meds we had several BIG changes in our lives.  We quit farming, moved to a new city, I went back to school, I got a new job, lost my grandmother and my aunt.  And all through this I didn't take medication.  However I did stress eat so that is probably what I did to cope instead of the meds.  Not really much better in hindsight.

So now I'm a healthier me physically and I am sad.  I'm not coping with food which is good.  I am using my exercise as my coping which worked great until this year.  Then I think I just reached overload, one thing after the next.  I didn't have time for sad because I had too much going on.  I didn't have the right for sad because other people were hurting more.

The problem is that if I ignore sad for too long then when it finally boils over it does so in a huge way.  What I didn't realize was that it had been leaking out for awhile.

If you are some of the people that I have inadvertently hurt in the last year because I was so busy pretending to not have time for sad I very truly apologize.  I may have robbed the joy out of an experience or triumph for you because I was not paying attention.  I am so sorry!!

Yesterday the flood gates opened.  I think I cried most of the day.  Sounds terrible but it was like a good cleansing.

I went for a run in the morning.  I had decided last week that I was tired of being mad at myself that I wasn't running as fast as last year and just be happy I'm running.  I've been doing better about not comparing myself to others but still have been comparing myself to myself.  lol  I got the boo hoo train to stop but I've still been sitting in it in the station.

I did intervals on Friday.  Just six sets of 200's with 200 rest in-between.  I did a half mile warm up and then a mile cool down.  Every time I checked my app when I finished the 200 I was under a 10 minute pace.  Thought that was pretty cool.  Unfortunately when I got home and look at the Nike website it showed a consistent 12 minute pace whether I was doing the sprint or walking.  Weird.  The sprints always help me figure out how to keep my breathing more consistent so I do better on my regular runs.

Saturday's run was supposed to be six miles.  I ran the first three at a comfortable pace.  I didn't worry about going fast or worry about my pace.  I just ran.  It was wonderful.  I stopped to tie my shoe at mile three and catch my breath.  For whatever reason my legs just turned to lead and my get up and go got up and went.  I walked the three miles back home.  But I spent that time enjoying being outside, prayed about how am doing and asking for help in not feeling sad.  And yes, I cried.  Lots of tears.  They just seemed to well up and pour out.  God is so good and provided comfort.

I still don't have any answers about how to balance work, school, family, working out and well, just life in general.  But here are some things that I am going to focus on for now.

• God is in control.  I am not.  
• I am going to run because I enjoy it, not because I need to win anything.  I'm not going to win anything anyway so I might as well let it go and just enjoy the fact that I can run.  
• I will run when I can and not get bent when I can't.  It's okay to put family, work and school first.  I just have to remember that on occasion there needs to be some me time.
• Not only will I continue to work on not comparing myself to others, I will also work on not comparing myself to myself.  I am where I am.  This includes activites and how I am dealing with my health issues.  I may not be able to not have to take medication to control my pre-diabetes.  That's okay.

I'm running the Hood to Coast Relay this weekend.  I'm not as ready as I should be.  It was stressing me out.  Since yesterday I have just calmed down about it.  I was texting a friend who I was apologizing to because I knew I had interfered with her badassary and her joy that she very much earned.  I'm grateful that she accepted my apology and, as always, had good advice to remind me that I need to do what is fun for me and makes me happy.  So I am running the Hood to Coast and I will be slow.  I will be the slowest person on the team and you know what?  I don't care.  I'm going to have a blast.  Even if I don't kick ass on my runs it won't matter.  I'm out there, I get to hang out with friends and I get to experience something new.  All wins.  There won't be any moping around and being mad at myself because I am not running a 10 minute mile.  (And if I start doing that or apologizing I give Christa and Kristy permission to kick my ass!!)   It's not like I usually run that fast on a regular basis anyway.  :-)

I'm probably still going to be sad a bit.  But I am going to be working on, well, working through it instead of tramping it down.

For my hiking, running, biking peeps who have been tolerating me this past year.  I again apologize for being Debbie Downer.  Thank you for tolerating me.  Please know that I will be working very hard to find my joy.  Feel free to get in my face if I am bringing you down with me.   If you haven't been inviting me along on hikes, bikes or because I have been the fun-sucker, give me another chance.  :-)  I will be doing better.  :-)

On a completely unrelated note.  My friend Spencer just finished the Transrockie Ultra Run.  It was a six day event that covered 120 miles and 20,000 feet of elevation gain.  He ran as a solo runner.  As of right now it looks like he place 7th over all!  OMG!!  That is so AWESOME!!  I can't wait to talk to him about how it went.

Another friend, Taryn, was part of a team.  Teams are made up of two people and they have to run together.  If they don't finish each stage within two minutes of each other then there are big time penalties involved.  Taryn and her teammate also kicked serious ass!  As of writing I don't know their results for Stage 6 but am looking forward to seeing how they do.

Here is the link if you want to know more about this amazing ultra run!!!
http://transrockies-run.com

I don't think I could every do anything like what they accomplish.  I'm very okay with that.  But it sure is fun to watch!  I think the little that I do just gives me a healthy respect for the amount of time, training and general mental toughness it takes to do something like that.  And on top of everything else, they looked like they were having a blast!  That's the part I have forgotten lately.

Meme via http://fitnessmotivationstation.blogspot.com/2013/12/slow-progress-is-progress.html

I need to remember that I am making progress.  I am heading in the right direction.  I also need to work on making progress on dealing with my grieving process.  I took a big step in that direction this week.  Life is such a process.  One thing for certain, it's never boring.

Plan of the moment.  Enjoy the journey, work through the pain, and find my joy again.  :-)

Everyone Has a Struggle

It's been a busy couple of weeks.  Between homework, house cleaning, dog training, camping trips, running, and biking I haven't had a great deal of spare time.  I really should be doing homework right now but I am procrastinating a bit.

I participated in the Take Me Out to the Ball Park 5K on July 16th.  It was approximately 90 million bajillion thousand degrees outside.  Okay, that is a minor exaggeration.  It was only 85 million bajillion thousound degrees.  (Actually it was 95 lovely degrees).  Basically it was HOT!  The race started at 5:30 p.m. just outside Goss Stadium at the OSU campus.  Joe and Miss Meighan also were running.  I have done this run every year since 2010.  Why would I choose to do a run that every year is ridiculously hot?  Because this was my very first race, my very first 5k.  Nothing like picking a tough one to start out.  I never do very well because of the heat but every year I get a teeny bit better.  :-)

My favorite running peeps before the race!

I started out at a slow pace and was immediately in last place.  I was determined to not let this bother me.  I figured that just being out there got me big props considering the heat, even if I came in dead last.      After the race I would get to enjoy a baseball game so it was all good.  I came in 69th out of 72 runners.  Not dead last but pretty close.  I had passed several people during the first 1.5 miles and then I stopped to get water and just couldn't get things moving again so I walked the last 1.5 miles and they got passed me again.  But I did it and that was fun.  :-)

Then we went camping for a week.  That was fun!  We spent a couple of days at Cape Lookout with my family and I got to run with my brother-in-laws.  They both can run circles around me but they said they wanted to run with me and would go my pace.  We got an absolutely beautiful morning with blue skies and no wind and we ran along the beach.  We did three miles down the beach at a steady (and slow) pace.  When we got to three miles we stopped to get a beach selfie.

Steve, me and Nello.  I have fantastic brother-in-laws!!

Steve wanted to go a little farther and probably a little faster so he kept going.  Nello and I headed back to camp.  When we got back to camp I went just a bit farther down the beach because I figured if I did six miles I might as well go another .2 miles and make it a 10k.  :-)  I loved running with the guys and we had a lot of fun joking around and talking.  Since I usually run solo, am too far behind people or am too out of breath to talk I really enjoyed this run!!

The next big thing was the Tour de Cure which was a bike ride fundraiser put on to raise money for diabetes research.  Participants had to raise a minimum of $200 in order to be able to ride.  Those that were participating who have diabetes wore special red biking jerseys and were "Red Riders".  My friend had given me a jersey to wear while training for this event since I am now pre-diabetic.  I actually felt privileged to not have to wear one during the event.  I hope that I never am able to become a Red Rider which is why I am working so hard to make healthy changes.

My husband and Betsy did the 100 mile bike route.  It was Betsy's first century ride and she was very excited.  :-)  They took off at 6:30 a.m.  and were definitely ready and raring to go.

Century ride, here comes Joe and Betsy!

Then it was my turn to leave.  I can not even tell you how nervous I was.  I knew I was not as ready for this as I should have been.  I knew it was going to be hard.  I was really scared that I wouldn't be able to do it and that I would disappoint the people that had supported my fundraising.  That I would disappoint my friends and family as well.  I was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up.  I was so glad to get started because then, one way or another, it would be going and then it would be done.

I was so blessed to have Josh and Wendie do this ride with me.  Josh could have easily done the 100 miles with Joe and Betsy.  Wendie has been working hard on her biking and could have done this ride faster.  But they both hung with me through almost the entire ride.

Getting ready to ride!

There were hills, big hills, big gigantic hills.  (Did I mention there were hills?)  We started at the Hillsboro Stadium and then out through the country side.  It was amazingly beautiful.  I have said it before but we live in a beautiful part of the world!  I realized almost immediately that I had forgotten my inhaler.  That didn't help my flip-floppy tummy at all.  So I just decided that I was going to the best I could and if I had to walk up some hills, so be it.  I had to walk up some hills, and you know what?  The world did not end.  Nobody pointed and laughed.  I got up the long hills but the really steep ones just kicked my butt.  The first hill that I had to walk up Josh and Wendie stopped and waited for me at the top.  I said I was sorry because I felt bad that they had to wait for me and Wendie pointed at me and said very sternly "No!  You don't get to say sorry today!" And she meant it!  I was going to get my ass kicked if I kept that up.  Since I am somewhat smart (on occasion) I did not say I was sorry for the rest of the ride.  :-)

Josh and Wendie wanted to get 50 miles in and the routes were 65 miles or 43 miles.  There was about 15 miles left and they decided to do a little out and back to add more miles to their ride.  I decided that I would keep going and finish the 43 miles.  I could tell that I was reaching the limit of what I could do and didn't want to make myself completely miserable.  I'm not going to lie, the last ten miles were hard.  Not in the sense of hills or super difficult riding.  It had flattened out and the ride was technically less difficult.  But my butt hurt, my back hurt, my hands were starting to ache.  I didn't stop at the last aide station because I was truly afraid that if I stopped and got off my bike I would not be able to start again.    

I had stopped earlier to get a butt break and eat my Snickers bar.  My husband has this thing about Snicker bars on his long rides.  So I figured I needed to have one too.  It had gotten all melty in the pocket of my riding jersey.  Funny, I didn't care at all!  I ate the candy bar and then licked the wrapper.  I think that was the best tasting candy bar I have ever had!  The cool thing was that as I was standing there on the side of the road having water and my treat I had several bike riders go by.  Every single one of them checked on me to make sure I was okay.  I would smile and wave and say I was just taking a quick break.  It was nice to know that if I had been having a problem people I didn't even know would have helped me out.  

I finished my 43 miles in about four and a half hours.  I had never ridden more than 21 miles at one time.  I also had never done anything close to the hills that I had tackled on this ride.  I mentally had to push myself through the last ten miles because I really just wanted to quit.  So I was pretty proud when I got done.  You will never guess what I did when I finished.  Well, if you know me or have been reading this blog for any length of time you will know.  Yep, I cried.  :-)

43 MILES!!!

Wendie and Josh ended up with about 52 miles and came in about 15 minutes behind me.  Then we hung out at the finish line waiting for Joe and Betsy.  They came in about another 20 minutes later looking awesome.  We stood along side the finish and put our arms out.  As Betsy went by she slapped our hands and had the BIGGEST smile on her face!  Another accomplishment off of her bucket list!!  So proud of her and all she has accomplished!!  

Joe got done and stopped his bike and I went over and got my hug.  He told me how proud of me he was for getting it done.  He knew when he got to the hills on the first 24 miles that it was going to be tough for me.  But as I thought about the things he said later I realized that he never once expressed the idea that I wouldn't get it done.  Only that it was going to be really hard for me.  I can't help but keep pushing forward with someone who believes in me that much.  

Me and my Century Rider.  :-)

Next stop is the Hood to Coast.  Nothing like filling up my summer with things that make me nervous.  :-)

I like having friends around me that are supportive, fun and are just good people.  I feel like as I have gotten older I have gotten very good at figuring out which people I meet are going to be people that I am going to really care about.  Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of people I like and enjoy being around.  But I am blessed to have a group of people that I really treasure.  Some of them I see often, others only once in a while and a few I keep in touch with on Facebook or through emails.  But once you are one of my peeps that I really love, you are stuck with me.  :-)  

One of my newer peeps is a great guy.  He was introduced to Joe and I through Betsy and I have adored him from day one.  I don't know him really well yet but I know that I will because he is just one of those people that I know I'm going to keep.  (He's probably going to read this and think "Oh Crap!") lol  He is a hardcore athlete.  I mean the kind that makes me just go wow!  He is also a personal trainer as a side job for people he likes.  :-)  I have not worked with him in that area or even talked to him about it even though I know it would be awesome.  My main excuse has been that I don't have time for something that regimented or the stress of being that accountable right now since school has to be my main priority.  And that is the truth.  But it's only part of the truth.  The other part is that I am embarrassed.  I'm embarrassed to go talk to him because I'm a middle aged, overweight lady who can't seem to get this figured out.  Now this is completely ridiculous because he is the one who has been working with Betsy and, hello, she took her badassery to a whole new level.  The other reason is that because this journey has been hard for me, talking about it with someone who I admire I know I will cry.  I HATE crying in front of other people like that.  Happy tears, proud tears are good.  Embarrassed, frustrated tears are the worst.  

Why am I telling you this?  This week on Facebook he shared some things that he has been dealing with.  My heart goes out to him because he is my friend and I hate it when I see my friends hurting.  I want to do something to help and in this case I really can't.  Other than be there for him, which I hope he will let Joe and me do. 

Thinking about his struggles made me think about my struggles.  I have been so focused on myself and how my journey has not been easy and how frustrated I have been with my weight not coming off.  I forgot that everyone has struggles.  Some are more obvious than others.  I obviously need to lose weight.  But there are other struggles that can't be seen that have just as big an impact on people.  Money, addictions, time management, decisions about school, decisions about careers, family issues, sudden death of loved ones, cancer, medical issues, and unemployment are just a few of the things that people I know are dealing with. 

I had to admit I was ashamed of myself yesterday.  I do not want to be a person who is so wrapped up in my own struggle that I forget to support people in their struggle.  I know it is possible to struggle on alone.  I also know that it is easier, or at least easier to cope with, if we have people that we can lean on when things are hard.  

I have been working hard at not comparing myself to others.  My friend sharing his what he was dealing with reminded me that we are all struggling and my journey isn't going to look like his journey.  But we can encourage and support each other in our journeys.  I will wait until after I am done with my Masters degree before I ask my friend to help train me to reach some new goals.  And yes, I will probably cry, but since he is a great guy, and my friend, he will tolerate it.  :-)  But I won't be embarrassed about where I am at because I have fought for every mile, pedal, swim stroke and lost pound to get where I am.  I also know that if my friend needs me to be there for him I'm there.  No worries, no embarrassment on his part either.  Because that's what friends do.  :-) 

Thank you friend for reminding me that I'm not alone...and neither are you.  :-)