Where's the Switch?

Seriously?

Where is the switch?

You know the one I mean. 

The motivation switch.

The get off my ass switch.

The "I am an athlete" switch.

Because it got flipped off a couple of years ago and I am on the struggle bus trying to get it flipped back on.  

I have signed up for races.  Which has been a huge motivator in the past.  Now it's a big, EH.  

I make mini goals so that it won't seem overwhelming.  Nope.

I try to find a new challenge that will get me jazzed up to work towards.  Again, not helping.  Can't find something that makes me even a teeny bit jazzed in the next few months to a year.  

In the past, writing this blog has helped keep me motivated.  Now I'm avoiding writing it all.  I don't seem to have much motivation for that either.  

What the heck is wrong with me? 

And I'm going to be completely honest, this started BEFORE the pandemic hit.  I was just starting to feel like I was going to get the switch flipped and then everything went to pot.  

Which just means that I am pandemic plus a year in addition of not working on being the healthiest me possible.  

UGH!!  

I'm also dealing with some things that are directly related to my weight.  Which is much higher than I care to admit right now.  Slowly heading back in the right direction but it is SOOOOOO SLOWWWWW!

Every time I hike or run I have a lot of pain in my heel and lots of soreness all over.  It takes a few days to work the pain out so that it's bearable.  

It's hard to be motivated to run when it hurts every time I do.  I am talking about pain, not soreness.  There is a difference.  

I know it will be better when I've lost more weight.  It's just really hard to get there when it all hurts.  

Here are the things I am trying to do to flipped that damn switch:

I am doing a 5k this weekend at Best in the West.  I have cut myself some slack and am happy that I am moving. 

The weekend after that I am doing the Bend Beer Chase with some current and former co-workers.  Again, focusing on the fact that I get to spend the weekend outdoors making memories with some fabulous ladies.  

I have made a standing date with one of my besties to hike every Sunday that we are both in town.  Together when we are both home, I will go solo when she isn't.  I used to hike every week, rain or shine.  Going to be okay with hurting afterward for a while.  It will get better eventually.  

Joe and I and some fabulous friends are in the beginning stages of planning a trip to do a Camino walk in Portugul in 2023.  Which means we are planning out longer walks to work on being ready to walk 13 plus miles a day for days on end.  Joe and I have our backpacks and even though it's still a long ways out, it really isn't.  I want to have fun on this trip and not be in pain.  So I better get start figuring it out.  

I am doing the Silver Falls 7 Miler in November and am planning on signing up for the Cascade 10k in January.  

While school is exhausting it is so awesome to be back with students.  I sure can tell that I am on my feet all day.  I'm getting my steps in before I even come home for the day.  I've only been back in front of students for a week.  I'm completely exhausted when I get home.  But it is totally filling my cup and energizing me in a different way. 

It gives me some hope that the energy that is fueling my heart will eventually translate in being able energize my body too.  

What do you do to flip the switch?  

Really!  I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas!!

Photo credit: Cambridge University Press

I'm Just Not Motivated

I've been struggling.

I've been struggling in a big way.

Tears, frustration and feeling like a big, huge blob.  

I was telling a friend that I feel like I'm stuck in a loop.

• I am tired and sad and know that I will handle life better if I am exercising.
• I go out and exercise and because I've gained so much weight I am slow and everything hurts.
• This frustrates me and I give up.
• Then I'm mad that I gave up and use food to comfort myself.  
• Start back at step one. 

Round and round I go.  

I just haven't been able to find that switch or gear or whatever you call it to get my motivation going. 

I will admit, I had decided to just let it go until the end of the school year.  Why fight the battle that I'm obviously not winning or even making any kind of traction in the right direction? 

This has been the story that has been running around in my brain for a couple of months.  

Then today happened...

I teach a class called AVID.  I have had this group of students for three years.  We started when they were freshman and they are now juniors in high school.  AVID stands for Advancement Via Individual Determination.  We are a tight group and the kids refer to us as a family.  This past year has been really hard for my little AVID family.  These kids have had to deal with a lot in this pandemic.  They are taking on jobs to help their parents, trying to do online school while taking care of younger siblings that are also doing online school, sick parents, sick grandparents and a long list of other things that are hard during normal life.  Exponentially harder during a pandemic.  

In our class there is an agreement for the students to maintain C's or better in all their classes.  This has been really hard for some of them this year, because of the long list of things I mentioned before.  A big part of my job as their teacher is to support and encourage them while helping them learn skills that will help them be successful in life.  This year they have needed the support and encouragement more than anything else.  Haven't we all?

But life and responsibilities don't go away, even in a pandemic.  

Even for high school students.

Today I was catching up on grading for my AVID kiddos and was getting more and more frustrated.  Missing work, crappy work, videos off during Zoom calls, not responding to questions, etc.  I was over it!  I was ready to give my class a serious talk!!!

They log into the Zoom class, no cameras on, nobody responding to me at all.  

This just added fuel to the fire.  

I let them have it.  

Big talk about how there are times when we need to suck it up and get things done even when it's hard.  I was disappointed in them and frustrated with the effort I was seeing.  They needed to suck it up and make school happen.  I talked to them about how frustrating it was for me to know they are struggling but having no way to know what is going on or  what I can do to help them.  

I told them I was tired of hearing "I'm just not motivated" from students (all of them, not just this class).  

Then I had a little niggle in the back of my brain.  

Well shit.

I have been doing the same thing with my weight and exercise.  

The kids are doing it with assignments and school.

I sat back in my chair.  

I have an agreement with this group that I won't ask them to do anything that I'm not willing to do myself. 

Crap.

Crap on a cracker!

I looked at the camera and told the kids I have been saying the same thing about working out.  

If I expect them to stop using that excuse then I guess I have to as well.  

I was honest with them about the struggle I am having.  They know about my racing and exercising in the past.  

So I made an agreement with them.  My version of sucking it up would be to pick a 5k race to do in May and do the Couch to 5k to get ready for it.  I would show them my Garmin workouts so that I'm accountable to them.  They will turn in their work (quality work) and improve their grades, not just in my class but in all of their classes.  

I got home from work, changed my clothes, got Finn and headed out the door.  

Day 1 of the Couch to 5k is in the books.  

I'm pretty sure it's going to be hard on more levels than just being slow.

I'm pretty sure there will be days I want to quit and give up.  

I'm pretty sure that there will be times that I will be mad that I'm back to this weight and back to being slow.  A 5k is a far cry from half marathons and Olympic triathlons!

But I'm also pretty sure that I have a fabulous group of students that needed a butt kicking today and in the process of providing that for them I managed to kick my own.   

Didn't even know that was possible!

So here we go.  

Found this virtual race at the beginning of May.  I'm going to show it to the kids tomorrow and see if they are good with it.  But they know I love Star Wars and I think they will get a kick out this one.  

One Day at a Time

In the last two weeks I have done seven workouts.  

• Strength Training 2.5 hours
• Bike Ride 7.25 miles
• Running 3.7 miles
• Hiking.  7.5 miles

It's been great to feel like an active person again.

It's been hard because everything hurts.  

When you are a heavy person that is starting on the road to becoming a healthy person, the beginning of the journey is painful on many levels.  

I'm very familiar with this since my journey has been a series of gains and setbacks.  

So if you are a person who is deciding that 2021 is your year and you are going to get moving, I have some things for you to keep in mind.  

When you first start being active, you are going to be sore.  Everyone will acknowledge this.  So be prepared for a few days of muscles complaining about being used.  

What a lot of people don't realize is the discomfort beyond just sore muscles.  

Right now my knees hurt.  When I sit for awhile and then stand up, everything hurts and I walk funny.  

It would be really easy to be discouraged by this.  I have been working out consistently for two weeks and I'm in quite a bit of pain.  

Most of this is directly related to the amount of weight that is pushing down on all the parts of my body that I'm trying to improve.  

It would be SO EASY to get discouraged and give up.  

If you are starting on this journey I am telling you to take some Advil and keep moving!

It will get better.  

You will have sore days and days where things hurt.  

But there comes a point where the sore is the kind of sore from a strong workout.  Not from the stress that the extra weight is adding to your experience.  

Today I was doing a run workout, a Couch to 5k workout just for fun, and it was rough.  It wasn't necessarily hard, it just hurt.  I was a bit discouraged by the struggle after trying to be really consistent for two weeks.  

I know what it is to be sore after a solid workout.  

I also know what it is to hurt because I'm starting my journey to a healthy me again at a large number in the weight column.  

The thing that is keeping me going is that I also know, because of my experiences in the past, that it WILL get better. 

As long as I keep moving. 

It's going to be a struggling on many levels when I go back to work on Monday.  

I'm sure it won't be pretty most of the time.  

But I'm going to keep trying.  

Saw these signs on my run today and while I'm pretty sure that they are referring to the pandemic, however they spoke to me on my journey of fitness and health.

I hope that if you are just starting out or starting over you will join me in making 2021 about being a healthier person.  

Don't give up.  

You aren't alone.

One day at a time.  

Yep, good things to focus on.  

I believe in you!

Guess I better give myself the same consideration.  😁