Friday, August 28, 2015

Learning to be Confident

I am always amazed when the things I have been thinking about come up in a completely unrelated conversation or situation.

Lately I have been thinking about my perception about how I look.  I have lost over 50 pounds and am down 3 to 4 sizes depending on the clothes.  :-)  This is pretty awesome.  Some days I feel like I look pretty awesome and other days I can't see any difference.

I've been trying to figure that out and haven't really been able to.  I think people have been trying to figure out why we do that to ourselves and no one has.  If someone had they would probably be very rich.

However, one there is something that I have noticed about women that I admire have in common.

They are self-confident.

If they are wearing lovely slacks and a gorgeous blouse with matching high heel shoes and earrings they are amazing.

If they are wearing running shorts and a tank top and their favorite running shoes with their hair in a pony tail or stuck under a hat, dripping with sweat, they are beautiful.

They just always look confident and amazing.

Because they are happy with who they are and what they are doing.  Maybe they aren't happy with where they are with their body but they are working on that and they are happy with that so hell with it.

Isn't that an thing to admire?  I want to be just like them when I grow up.  :-)

I have been thinking about that a lot.  I have been wearing what I like and instead of feeling self-conscious about my poochy stomach or my jiggly arms I have decided that I look awesome.  After all, I have lost 50 pounds and at least 3 sizes.  I must look amazing, right?

This has been an interesting experiment.  Because I think people see the difference even when they don't know what it is that is different.

Today I went hiking with my son.  I wanted to go hiking at Mary's Peak.  For some reason I have never gone hiking there and have always wanted to go.  I had a trail in mind from my trail book but we missed the parking lot for that trail head and ended up at the top parking lot.  That was okay because we were having an adventure.  We wandered around at to the top of the summit of Mary's Peak and then did the Meadow Ridge Trail.  Ended up with a little over three miles but with lots of elevation.

Mostly we just enjoyed the time together talking about life and some of his adventures he had this summer and how much fun we had on our family trip to Whistler in July.  We didn't hurry, stopped and took a ton of pictures and laughed at the dog.  Bailey loved the meadow at the top because she could run in big circles through the grass.  At one point she was running down the hill so fast that she ended up doing a somersault and rolling down the hill for quite a ways.  She slowed down quite a bit after that.
View from the top of Mary's Peak.  Highest peak in the Oregon Coastal Range.
On a clear day you can see the Pacific Ocean
Loved hiking with Taylor this summer! 
Taylor and Bailey playing.  
Meadow Ridge Trail.  
The sun through the trees was so pretty.
Oregon is a beautiful place to live and hike!
I can't wait to come back to explore more trails.
Rain is coming.  We need it!
We came out of the woods and headed back down the hill towards the parking lot and saw a group coming up the trail toward us.  I knew some of the group.  One was a friend of mine so we stopped and said hi and I introduced Taylor to her and her kids and she introduced me to the other two kids she had along.  We visited for a bit and then Taylor and I took off.

As we were walking down the hill I told Taylor that my friend had lost over a 100 pounds last year.  He said that didn't surprise him.  I asked why he said that and he said she carries herself like someone who has lost weight.  I was almost immediately sure I knew what he was talking about but I asked him what he meant.  He said that he has noticed that people who lose a lot of weight often still carry themselves like they did when they were heavy.

I said, "You mean not confident and trying to hide how they look?"

Taylor said,  "Yes, exactly!"  I asked if I do that and he said sometimes.  Not all the time but sometimes.  He said that when we were in Whistler I didn't do it at all.  I was totally confident and it was awesome.

That's funny because that's when I started really working on wearing my clothes with confidence and acting like I had every right to wear what I was wearing because I looked fabulous.  Evidently it worked.  :-)

Here I am really thinking about how my own attitude about my looks affects how I carry myself and how people perceive me and my son totally confirms that this is true.

If I feel beautiful than I will be beautiful.

This was my first week back to work with my colleagues.  I had decided to wear my smaller sized clothes and be confident and just feel beautiful.  And I did.  No one really noticed or at least no one commented on my weight loss.  I haven't lost 50 pounds this summer.  Just another 10 or so but I think it is starting to be noticeable.  :-)  However, I got lots of compliments on how good I looked which I think translates into the same thing.  I'm not fishing for compliments usually but it all ties into the confidence thing.

I'm feeling confident.  I'm appearing confident.  People are noticing I'm confident and commenting on it.  It's kind of fun.

I had to renew my license so I went and took care of it this summer while I was still on vacation.  The gal had me laughing before she took the picture and the picture turned out great.  My last renewal was just as I was starting college full time, I was gaining weight and stressed and I looked it in the picture.  This license is eight years later and I look way younger and happier.  Could be I'm just acting more confident right now too.

Here's the very best example of this to date.

I went to Wal-Mart before work to pick up a few things for my class and some chargers for my husband's new phone.  I also picked up a couple of 2 Town Ciders for after work.  I unloaded the cart and was getting my card out to pay and suddenly the cashier just stops and is staring at me.  I look at her and she just keeps looking at me.  Finally I ask her if everything is okay and she says I think I'm going to need to see some ID.  I start to laugh and say, "Okay, right!" The cashier assures me that she does want to see it.  So I dig out my license, still laughing and tell her that she will understand why it's funny when she sees it.

She takes it from my hand and looks at it for a moment and then looks at me and says, "No way!"

She has just made my day!!  She wasn't kidding.  She said there was no way she would have had me more than 20 years over 21.  lol  I was teasing her that she was just trying to make a customer happy and she said she wasn't, she honestly felt she needed to check.

Either way I got a big charge out of it and it fed the confidence bubble I've been working on.

Here are the things I've been trying to think about.

  • Walking tall, shoulders back.  I'm a tall girl with a healthy rack in front.  Might as well quit trying to pretend I don't.  No more hunching or wearing clothes to try and hide this fact.  I don't need to be falling out of my shirts but I also don't need to be ashamed of my shape.  New bras that fit better and wearing my clothes with confidence.
  • Quit worrying about my tummy.  I gave carried three kids for nine months.  Then I carried a significant amount of extra fat there for years.  I'm pretty sure that no matter what I do there is going to be a pooch.  Oh well.  I'll keep working on it.  It is what it is.  I see WAY bigger girls than me wearing WAY tighter clothes than me all the time so I need to just get over it.
  • Wear clothes that fit!  I feel frumpy in clothes that are too big.  When I feel frumpy I feel fat.  It's hard to go spend money on new clothes.  I use the excuse that I'm not where I want to be yet so I want to wait and not waste the money but if I get discouraged while waiting because I feel frumpy and this makes me backslide.  That is just a stupid cycle to be on.  I am not going to be stupid.  New clothes it is.  I got some new slacks and a couple of tops and I didn't even buy bigger tops trying to hide my stomach.  That's a win for me.
  • Some of my shorts I bought this summer are short.  Not to my knees but actually short.  I had to teach myself to quite tugging at them to pull them down constantly.  (I do the same thing with shirts too).  I did not realize how often I did this.  So no more tugging at my clothes trying to hide my body.  Adjusting clothes is one thing, tugging to hide my body is another.  Tugging just sends out the signal to others that I am not comfortable with what I am wearing or how I look.
  • I realized that often I was more confident in my running clothes which were tighter and more revealing of my body shape than I was in my regular clothes.  My attitude there was that my comfort during exercise was more important than what others thought about my tummy pooch or arm jiggle.  I guess I have to translate that attitude of doing what is comfortable for me into the rest of my life.

Making progress.  But like all things that I do, it isn't easy and isn't quick.  There will still be days where I look in the mirror and see a fat girl and feel like I have been running in place and gotten nowhere fast.

But today is not that day.  :-)

Found this on Pinterest a while back and it pretty much sums it up.  Might have to make it my computer desktop picture just to remind me.  (Although the grammar drives me nuts.  lol)
Remembering that 'me' is pretty amazing.  
Hey you...Remember that you are pretty amazing too.  :-)

1 comment:

  1. I really like this message! It's giving me something to think about. Thank you Taylor and Lisa!