Monday, September 2, 2013

I Will NOT...

In my role as a teacher we are often reminded to word things in a way that is positive rather than negative.  Instead of saying Don't Run, we say Please Walk.  This makes sense to me and I try to model this with my students in all areas.  Especially since a high number of them only hear the negative style in their regular life.

This being said I was doing some thinking the other night, while I was running naturally, and actually had a negative statement turn into a positive one without taking the negative word out.

I started out thinking like this:

  • I will not be able to do this.
  • I will not be able to finish a triathlon.
  • I will not ever be any faster.

But then I realized that these statements were not true.

  • I will not give up on trying.
  • I will not sell myself short.  I will finish the triathlon.
  • I will not settle for slow.  I will keep working at my endurance and speed.

This last week I went back to work.  The week before school starts is a mad scramble of trying to get the classroom ready, make lesson plans and lots and lots of meetings.  On top of everything else I also started grad school.

We didn't officially start back to work until Tuesday but I went in anyway to work in my classroom (along with most of the other teachers in my building.)  I went for a 3 mile run in the morning.  My average pace was 12'16" and my last mile was 11'43".  I was pretty excited.  Once I had cooled down and cleaned up I headed into work and tried to finish up getting my classroom ready.  I didn't finish but I got a lot done.

Tuesday I had to run another 3 miles.  It seems like for every good run I have, I have an equally bad run.  Tuesday's run proved this theory.  I started out okay but just felt off.  I'm thinking it's because I had been in meetings all day and it was hot and I was tired.  But that could just be my imagination.  :) I kept getting a little slower instead of a little faster.  But when I got done I couldn't be too bummed because my average pace was 12'56".  I kept a crappy run under a 13 minute average.  A few months ago a run that had a low 13 minute average mile would have had me over the moon.  Now I'm thinking it's a bad run when I'm just under 13 minute miles.  lol  Funny how quickly my perspective has changed on what is a good run and a bad run.

Wednesday was a cross training day.  I was going to get up and swim before work.  I set my alarm and got up at 5:15 a.m. and headed for the pool.  I got there and realized that the pool was closed for its yearly maintenance.  Sigh.  I went home thinking I would try and get a bike ride in after work instead.  My son texted me and wanted to come over for dinner.  I miss my boy so I said yes!  We had a great visit with him and his girlfriend.  Then I did homework and headed for bed.  I was beat.

Thursday was a rest day and I took it.  My first homework was due for my class so I finished that up but there was a glitch with posting things online so I spent a few frustrating hours trying to get my homework posted.  I was feeling frustrated and tired.  At this point I was pretty sure that there was no way I was going to be able to juggle my roles as wife, mom, teacher, student and runner.  Something was going to have to give and it was going to be runner.  I finally got my homework posted and headed to bed feeling very defeated.

Friday was a prep day so I got to spend the day working on my classroom and plans again.  There were some frustrations that were out of my control but they just kept piling up until I was just about a basket case.  I was a crying, teary mess by the end of the day.  I think that I was overwhelmed and tired and it just finally spilled over.  I HATE it when I get like that.  Usually I can go with the flow with most things but Friday it all just got to me.  I had a dinner date with my mom and step-dad so that kept me from staying at work late (which was a good thing!)  I had a great time visiting with my folks and that helped get me back on a more even keel.  You never outgrow getting encouragement and comfort from your parents.  :)  After dinner I did a little bit of homework.  I had to take Goober #3 to a church overnighter that didn't start until 9:45 p.m.  I didn't have time to get my run in before dinner or between dinner and taking her to the church so I had figured it wasn't going to happen.  After I dropped of the goober I had thought about going to get a Blizzard.  I could almost taste it and it was going to be the perfect comfort food after a really long crappy day.  I left the church and the strangest thing happened.  I drove home.  I really wanted that Blizzard.  I mean I REALLY wanted that Blizzard.  I could almost taste it.  But I hadn't worked out for three days and a big, yummy Blizzard was not going to get me to any of my goals.  All it would do is make my pants tighter.

Comfort food!  
When I got home I was all by myself.  My husband was working, all the Goobers were gone and I had the house to myself.  I was just going to go to bed.  I was so tired!  But I still hadn't worked out since Tuesday.  I could justify not working out because of the day I had but I decided to suck it up.  I have a treadmill (a.k.a. the Dreadmill).  I don't run well on it.  I feel fast but it always says that my pace is way slow and I can never seem to keep a consistent pace, let alone speed up.  I went on the Dreadmill, cranked up the volume on the TV and found a good movie to watch.  The Green Mile was on and that is one of my favorite movies so I was good to go.  That was the most awful run!  I mean terrible.  I was sweating like a pig, I only ran the first mile, walked a mile than ran/walked the last mile.  My pace was terrible and it was all the misery that I felt last winter when I started this journey all over again.  But I did the whole three miles, at 10 o'clock at night, instead of getting a Blizzard.  So even though it was awful I still felt like I won.  I won the battle with myself.  Not only did I not get a Blizzard, I got a work out in.  Yay me.  :)  Guess I'm getting better and seeing the success instead of focusing on the failures.

Saturday I was supposed to go for a 6 mile run.  Instead I went for a 7 mile hike with some girlfriends.  Girl time was exactly what I needed!  We hiked, we talked, we laughed and we moved right along.  We had about 2,200 feet in elevation gain over the seven miles so we worked hard.  I am finding that these hikes actually help my running.  I work hard on those hills and that makes me stronger when I run.  So even though I didn't get my long "run" I still felt like I did accomplish what I needed for my training.  I love being able to be so close to beautiful trails.

Sunday I went and picked up Joe from work.  He headed off to go on a bike ride with a friend.  I have been afraid (yes, afraid) of going farther than the route I have ridden before, which is only 7 miles.  I need to do 12 for the sprint triathlon next month so training rides of 7 miles were not going to cut it.  Plus I was afraid of the freeway overpasses (two of them) that I would have to go over on the tri route.  They made me nervous because they are more uphill than I have ever been on and I was worried I wouldn't make it and would have to walk the bike up the hill.  I also was worried because there is no shoulder and the road gets really narrow.  I really don't want to end up smashed against the side of the overpass because of an idiot car.  And the final fear, the real big one for me, I just wasn't sure that I could go that far on the bike.

My friend Betsy was running in the Disneyland Half Marathon that same morning.  She had a big time goal for herself.  We have been talking about how we are Badass....with Sparkle.  So I was thinking about Betsy and how she was running and trying to reach her goal.  How can I stay home and not try when she is out there giving her race her all.  I channeled my own Badass....with Sparkle and headed out.  My goal was not to go fast but just to finish.  I need to remember that Exercise Induced Asthma does not just happen when I run.  I was wishing I had my inhaler a couple of times but it wasn't too bad. I did 13 miles!  I was tired and my legs were a little wobbly at first but I got it done.  I now know that I can swim 750 yards, I can bike 12 miles and I can run a 5K.  Now I just need to do all three, one right after the other and I will have my first triathlon done.  It's getting closer!! Overcoming fears is not easy but I'm glad that I keep at it.  The feeling I get once I have won over the fear is amazing.

My friend, Badass Betsy?  Not only did she make her goal for the Disneyland Half Marathon she beat that goal by 7 minutes.  Big time PR!!!  Yay Betsy.  I'm so proud of her, she has worked HARD for that PR.

Picture found on Pinterest
After the bike ride we took Goober #3 to the fair with some friends and had a great time.  That was followed up by all of us going another friends house for dinner.  (Wendie, also part of Badass....with Sparkle, channeled her own Badass and got her farthest run of nine miles and did with an average pace of 11'40".  She pretty much rocked it!)  So we had a great day with lots of accomplishments, followed up by great family and friends time.  It was a pretty great day.

Today I got up and didn't want to run.  I didn't want to do anything.  I was just tired.  Staying at home and vegetating sounded like a great plan.  But I had some things I needed to do in my classroom and a Pedi appointment at 1 o'clock.  I really didn't want to run but I also really don't want to start down that road of coming up with excuses not to run.  With all I have to do right now it will be too easy.  I really want to not give up on myself.  So I sucked it up and headed out.  I was supposed to do 4 miles.  I felt terrible.  Everything ached, I couldn't find a good rhythm with my breathing and I wanted to turn around and go home.  I made it another mile and wasn't feeling any better but I had managed to make up some time.  But I still wanted to stop and just walk home.  I went another mile and had to stop for a minute to catch my breath.  I thought about stopping and walking home but decided to do the last mile. My last mile ended up being being my fastest at 12'21" and the average pace was 12'47".  I couldn't believe it.  This horrible run actually was a good run.  It didn't feel like it at all but evidently that didn't matter.  I was so glad I ran!

So this week was full of many lessons.
  • I can find time to work out.  Although I hope I don't have to do to many workouts at 10 o'clock at night on the Dreadmill.
  • It's okay to be afraid as long as I do it anyway.  The feeling when you overcome a fear is totally worth it.  You know, Badass....with Sparkle.
  • Even bad runs can turn out to be good runs.  
Glad I'm not too old to learn new lessons.  Or is it relearn the same lessons again?  Either way I'm making progress.  :-)

And my classroom is ready, mostly...

Where the magic happens.  At least it's where I hope it happens. lol




4 comments:

  1. Keep it coming! You keep me encouraged too. You will rock the Triathalon!!!!

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    1. Thanks Barb!! I appreciate the confidence you have in me. :-)

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  2. Way to turn negatives into positives, and saying, "I don't think so!" to the DQ Blizzard. I also believe that you are going to rock the sprint triathlon!

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    1. Teresa, thank you for believing in me. :-) We are going to have to find a 5K run/walk that we can do with the kids. Just for fun. I love you!

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